Done and To Do!

Well, I actually got a lot of the stuff on my list done yesterday. My attempts to do the cardio video were severely hampered by the fact that now I can't find the DVD!! I had it. It was in the front cover of the book. I had the book in the car. The book is still in the car, but the DVD is not inside the cover. I looked all around the floorboards and slidy places a DVD could hide in the car, but couldn't find it. I thought maybe I had brought it inside without remembering and I spent so much time looking for it that Smug-Baby woke up from her nap :( Oh Shucky Darn!!

Actually it really is a shame because I was actually really wanting to do it! Instead I spent the day doing everything else on my list and even made lunch for Smug-Grandma and made it over to the hospital to visit with Gramps for a bit after Smug-Hub got home from work. I feel productive :)

My visit with Gramps was really nice. He is starting to act more normal and not saying so much crazy stuff. I am told that he isn't violent or paranoid much at all anymore and while he is still really, really weak, he is doing much better and should be able to go to a rehab facility in the next several days. The hope is that he will do a lot of physical therapy and get his strength back and still be able to go live with Smug-Sister like has always been the plan. It is such a turnaround from saying our good-byes to thinking that he will be back to the way he was before his disastrous visit with my nutty aunt. I am still so angry at her for being so arrogant and self centered and negligent!!

On to better topics. I made the final $8.49 payment needed to pay off one of the credit cards and paid the final $118.60 on one of the last two medical bills for Smug-Baby's birth. I still have the big one ($860) and another two credit cards to work on ($211 and $2,080), but those are going down, down, down!! I still have funds left over from these pay checks for groceries and the increased cost of gas!! I love feeling like things are going to be OK financially!!

I finished another one of the garage shelves and found a ton of books that I have been saving since I was a child that I wanted to share with my child one day. I almost cried when I realized that when I packed these books up, Smug-Baby was just a hope, a someday idea and now she is here and soon we will be reading Caddie Woodlawn and Swallows and Amazons!! There was a lot less on that shelf that will be going into the yard sale pile :)

I have two more shelving units to go through and both of them I think are pretty well organized with out of season clothes on one and Christmas stuff on the other. I will go through them to be sure, but that should go quickly tomorrow.

I am sort of ashamed to admit that I was sucked in and actually purchased something from an infomercial, but then I remembered that I have ordered crap from infomercials a lot in my past and sent almost everything back, so perhaps this will be the same! Anyway, I have been reading Tracy Anderson's book. I really like what she has to say and her workout ideas make sense. My only complaint was that it is hard to workout while flipping the pages of a book and I wished she had a DVD. I got online, but all the DVD's were really expensive and made before she launched The Method and I wanted something that went with the book I was reading. Then while I was flipping channels while nursing one day, I came across her face so I stopped and watched.

She has launched something called Metamorphosis and it is a program that trains you using all the principles within The Method. The entire 90 day program is only about $80 and you have 30 days to try and return if you don't like it. I have been looking for something like this! The program is broken down into different body types and includes special work for your specific problem areas. One of the programs is for those who gain weight all over, like me. I turned off the TV and went about my life for a few days. I didn't want this to be an impulse buy. A week or so later I finally got online and read some of the reviews and blogs from people working this program and then I thought about it some more. I finally ordered it last week and it should arrive tomorrow. I want to go though and watch the DVD's this afternoon and start the program tomorrow!

I hope that this is what I have been looking for. I know that I struggle with getting DVD's turned on and actually playing, but once they are on, I do the work! I have been really feeling lethargic during the winter and wanting to get outside, but videos are the best option for my life at this moment, so I need to make the effort! I am excited about starting this and hopeful to see what Weight Watchers and Tracy Anderson combined can do for these last 25 pounds and how I feel overall!!

Wish me luck :)

Ambitious

My plan for tomorrow is very ambitious but I think it is doable. I have to stick to my list and work hard during the times that Smug-Baby is sleeping, but I think I can get everything done.

I need to finish going through the boxes in the garage to pull out stuff for the yard sale. The garage floor is filling up with stuff to get rid of. I have been having this internal struggle with myself. I come across things that I have loved and thinking that I want to keep them. Then the other side of myself tells me that if I haven't really missed it or thought about it or looked for it in the 4 years that it has been packed up, then I need to let it go and let it find a home somewhere else. It is hard, but I am doing it! There is more leaving than I am keeping from those "found" items.

I want to finish cleaning the laundry room. This was today's "task" but I spent so much time in the garage, that by the time I got working on the laundry room, Smug-Baby was letting me know she was about finished with her backpack time and I was feeling shaky with hunger. So, I stopped and we both had some dinner and play time. I still need to wash the window, empty the trash, vacuum the rug and go through the cabinet to finish that room.

We are having family over on Sunday, so I need to spend a little time today picking up the house to make it a faster job to clean on Friday or Saturday. It is funny to me that I take a few minutes every evening to try to straighten up the house and when I get home from work it is destroyed! I think that Smug-Baby plays in every room with her daddy during the mornings, so there is stuff strewn all over the place in every single room of the house!! I don't let her pull things out and not put them back, I get her to help me pick things up before we leave a room, but I don't think Smug-Hub has that kind of time in the mornings :)

I also need to wash a load of diapers and strip the diapers Smug-Sister gave me. Can you believe it? She just gave me all her Bum-Genius diapers. They aren't working for her as well as she would like and rather than sell them and make some money, she gave them to me!!! There is probably a couple hundred dollars worth of diapers and she just gave them to me!!! Anyway, I need to let them soak and be washed a few times before I use them so I will do that too.

Tomorrow's spring cleaning task is the hall closet. I am going to pack up most of the winter coats and just leave light jackets and rain coats. The shelf in that closet is where my cameras live and I need to clean that up a bit and download the pictures currently on my SD card. There are some cleaning supplies up there too and I need to get those moved. I don't want them near my camera!!!

I also need to work with Smug-Sister on the menu for Sunday, make menus for next week and a grocery list. I need to wash dishes (let me just say it - I ain't gonna do 'em tonight, I'm tired!!) and I have a BBQ Tofu recipe to try for dinner tomorrow night, so I'll do that too!

See? Ambitious!! I also would like to do a workout video. I have the cardio dance video that came with The Method book, so I want to try to do that today. I can do most of this stuff with Smug-Baby on my back or in the exersaucer and I may have to alternate, but the workout I need to do while she is sleeping. I can't be bouncing around while she is crawling around underfoot. I don't want to kick her or step on her!! I hope she takes a morning nap so I can knock it out - its so easy to count all the housework as my workout and skip the actual workout :)

OK, she is finished with her ice, so I am going to get her in the bath and get ready for bed. I am one tired mama tonight :)

I Love...

I love waking in the morning before the alarm goes off.

I love when Smug-Baby latches on in the night and the sound of her hungry sucking and swallowing, Gulp, Gulp, Gulp.

I love the feeling of my aching, full breast releasing as she empties it.

I love being in between the two loves of my life. Smug-Hub on one side, a big paw tossed over my waist. Smug-Baby on the other side, tucked under my arm, a small, soft paw tossed onto my chest.

I love being able to scoot out of bed without waking either of them.

I love a really super hot shower early in the morning.

I love how calm and quiet and dark the house is when I'm the only one awake.

I love opening the fridge and seeing my breakfasts and lunches all ready to go waiting for me.

I love kissing my family good-bye and watching their faces softened by sleep and hear their soft sleeping breathing.

I love seeing the moon and stars when I walk outside.

I love hearing a really good song on the radio and driving to work with the sound blasting.

I love that the hours at work pass quickly and before I know it, I am looking outside to see that my family is waiting patiently for me.

I love seeing my daughter wiggle and giggle when she sees me coming.

I love walking into Smug-Sisters house and seeing Smug-Niece look up, grin her toothy grin and give me her signature growl laugh that lets me know she is happy to see us.

I love that I spend a lot of my day playing with happy babies.

I love eating a good, hearty, healthy lunch and feeling full and satisfied.

I love taking the girls for a ride in the car and they both fall asleep and I park and read while listening to their breathing.

I love driving home at the end of the day.

I love making a nice dinner for my family.

I love trying a new recipe and finding it is wonderful.

I love watching Smug-Baby when she hears the garage door opening. This is the signal that daddy is home and she is most anxious to get into his arms.

I love the hug and kiss my husband gives me when he first gets home.

I love getting ready for bed. Smug-Baby hangs onto my back (with daddy's help) and watches my every move as I brush my teeth and wash my face. Then we repeat the tooth brushing and face washing on her.

I love when she gives me kisses unprompted.

I love when she rubs her face into my chest to let me know she is tired and wants Binky's.

I love the feel of her little body as she gives in to sleep and relaxes completely.

I love crawling into clean, cool sheets with her warm body next to mine, while Smug-Hub pulls the covers over us, kisses me good night, and tells me how lucky he feels to have she and I as his family.

I love hearing her soft breathing and feeling her occasional sleep-sucking as I drift into sleep.

I love my life.

Sick

I feel sick. I feel full and sick and my teeth hurt from so much sugar. I made cookies. I didn't just make cookies, I made two kinds of cookies and I snacked on dough and ate about 5 big fat cookies!! I feel horrible right now.

I know that the feeling with pass and I will once again crave cookies and it will probably be like tomorrow morning, but for right now, I hate cookies and I vow never to eat them again.

I am actually feeling excited about getting back on track with Weight Watchers and I have been re-reading Tracey Anderson's 30 Day Method and I want to try get exercise program. I am thinking about getting online and maybe ordering one of her workout DVD's. I have always had a rough time with videos, but they really are my best option until I can get outside.

Which, BTW, may be a while. It snowed today. That's right, it was almost 80 degrees last week and I made the mistake of saying something to Smug-Sister about how we were probably done with coats and hats and probably even done with close-toe shoes. She called me this morning to complain that it was all my fault that she was having to dig coats out of the boxes already packed for moving.

Anyway, I had a loss at the scale Saturday and I wasn't expecting it, so that boosted me up a bit and I want to get back on track and get this last 20 pounds off of me and I then I would like to run into an ex-boyfriend who will be very impressed with my gorgeousness and very sad that he treated me so badly!! Doesn't everyone want that? It so cliche, but whatever!!

So, I think that I will try to follow Tracey's moves from this book and maybe get a video and try that. I really feel so much better when I get some good exercise and I just have to force myself to do the videos or follow the instructions in the book. I have been doing my push ups every day and I am up to 7 full on push-ups and I love feeling like I am getting stronger!!

I spent a lot of time this morning working on the downstairs and I think that it looks really good. Now, you have to understand that there is a huge pile of stuff for the yard sale in one part of the room and another huge pile of stuff that needs to live in the garage, but at least things are in piles and organized. I have a box of paperwork that needs to be filed and a stack of photo albums that I need to find a place for and such, but again, everything is sorted so it is a start.

I am still working on the laundry, I don't understand how three people can come up with so much laundry in just a week!! I am going to deep clean the downstairs bathroom tomorrow after work as the kick-off to my spring cleaning schedule. Tuesday is the laundry room and I started on that some today. Wednesday is the upstairs hall closet and Thursday and Friday are getting ready for the yard sale. I actually need to spend some time each day going through boxes in the garage and choosing items for the yard sale. I think that I will forgo putting the car in there and just start stacking stuff in the middle of the garage until Saturday morning.

I was thinking about getting one of those outdoor buildings for the back yard. Lowes has one for $300 and the lawn mower, weed eater and other outdoor stuff (hammock, etc.) could live there. Then I would like the garage to have Smug-Hub's tools, the Christmas stuff, his fishing stuff and off-season clothing. Everything else should have a home inside (when the bookshelves are done anyway), or get the heck out of there!!

Smug-Hub is not keen on the idea of moving his fishing stuff to the garage or to buying a whole building to house more crap. Which I kind of understand, so I think that I will not go purchasing anything until after the yard sale and spring cleaning are complete. Then we will have a better idea about if we need that extra space or not.

Smug-Hub spent his afternoon pulling weeds and raking leaves. I hate that stuff, so I am glad that he is doing it. I will clean and organize inside and do dishes until the cows come home, but I hate the outdoor work. Not sure why! I'm sure it was from childhood trauma of carrying firewood and weeding and the like!!

So, this post was kind of all over the place, sorry about that! I blame it on my bloated, sick, cookie stuffed self!!! It's all that Cookie Monster's fault, if he hadn't scarfed down the letter of the day, I wouldn't have started craving cookies...

Swimming

Last Saturday Smug-Baby had her first official swimming lesson. Smug-Grandma and I took her swimming at the local pool a few times last year starting when she was about 3 1/2 or 4 months old and she LOVED the water. She took it right away and I even thought about joining a pool, but couldn't come up with the cash.

This year, I happened to be flipping through the book of offerings from the local Parks and Recreation and noticed that they had a swimming class for babies 6-18 months. This would be perfect and for $35 I could take her swimming once a week for like 10 weeks!!

I worried that now that she hadn't been in the pool for several months she would suddenly be afraid of the water but as soon as we arrived at the pool my fears were put to rest. She helped my and daddy's hand and walked over to the pool edge and stopped. The instructor had us all sit on the edge of the pool and get the kids feet touching the water and let them get used to the water. Smug-Baby kept trying to jump in!

Then she us parents get into the water and gently show the kids how to put there hands on the edge, turn their bodies and lower themselves into the water. I showed Smug-Baby once and then as soon as I would set her back up on the edge, she would quickly turn herself around and plop back into the water. She hung into the edge of the pool and floated there, happy and content!

Then we floated around a bit with the babies and blew bubbles in the water and the whole time Smug-Baby is trying to paddle around, splashing her arms and kicking her legs. She wanted to take off and swim! She had a blast in the pool but by the end of the class her little lips were turning blue, so we hopped out and got dressed!

I was thinking that perhaps swimming will be her sport of choice! There is less risk of injury than say with soccer or basketball, there is still teams that she can join and she could even go on to be in the Olympics if she wanted to!! The sky is the limit!!

I have decided that whatever it takes, I am going to join, for the summer, the gym that Smug-Grandma belongs to. They have a lovely pool and with Smug-Grandma's help I can take Smug-Baby and Smug-Niece to the pool all summer long! It is going to be expensive and there are less costly pools in the area, but without help I wouldn't really be able to go. The bonus is that with joining for the summer, you get access to the rest of the gym too, so perhaps Smug-Hub and I could find time to workout there too. On the weekends, one of us could take her swimming while the other does a workout and then switch off. Spending the whole day at the pool is one of my fondest childhood memories and I can't wait to create some of those same memories for my sweet swimming girl!

What Is Wrong With Me?

I can't seem to focus and get anything done. I can't even manage to track my food. I am not getting outside and walking or even doing things around the house!

I want to get so much stuff done and yet can't seem to get started on anything. I tell myself that I will just get one thing done each day. Today I will clean..., today I will walk... but then I never do.

Smug-Baby is cutting another tooth and she is miserable and I have been focused on holding her and playing with her to keep her mind off her pain. She hasn't slept well in several nights; not really waking, but restless and crying out in pain during the night. That means that I am tired too and I am starting to feel run down again. I don't want to get sick and I really don't think I can handle another week of my home being in horrible disarray.

I laid out a calendar and marked one task on each day for the next several weeks in a plan to spring clean my house. I figure that if I concentrate on one room each day, even if I am working at Smug-Sister's that day, it shouldn't be too overwhelming. I even marked two days for the bigger rooms, like the kitchen. It all starts this weekend with a big push to clean up the downstairs. I have been trying to get that area cleaned up for months, but things keep coming up.

I want to pull the car out of the garage and start a stack of stuff for a yard sale and do that next weekend. Everything that doesn't sell goes to Goodwill. That will go a long way to clearing up all the clutter and should give me some inspiration to continue getting rid of things and cleaning up and wiping down and getting my house in good order!!

I am so frustrated with my weight loss plan. Mostly in that I keep eating even when I know that the choices aren't great and it will result in a gain at the meeting on Saturday. I want to be motivated, but I am struggling! Tomorrow I am going to try to work on menus and a grocery list and I have got to set aside time for cooking this weekend so that all my food is all ready to go and there isn't any thought in mind about what I should be eating.

If there isn't something ready, I am more prone to eating something I shouldn't. Like tonight, I had pancakes with lots of butter and maple syrup (earth balance and they were buckwheat pancakes, but still!!) I was still hungry after and ended up eating from pesto pasta with Smug-Hub when he got home from work. I think that the stress of things going on in my family is causing this overeating and lack of caring about what I am doing.

I almost wish that stress had the opposite effect, like it does with some people. Some people obsessively clean when they are stressed or can't eat anything during periods of stress. I don't have that problem; I eat all the time and get really lethargic!! It stinks all the way around I guess.

Wish me luck as I head to bed tonight. I hope that Smug-Baby sleeps more soundly and I get some rest. I still have Thursday and Friday to get through before the weekend and my spring cleaning plan gets underway!!

Random

Gramps is expected to make a full recovery. I can't even believe how a matter of hours ago we are making funeral arrangements and the doctors were telling us that he had hours left to his coming out of it and asking for a Coke and if Coke was available then Pepsi would be fine!!

He is scheduled to have an MRI and then an action plan can be put together on what happens next and how we maybe keep this from happening again! It has been a major emotional roller coaster, but one I can't really complain about being on. I am so happy that Smug-Baby and the rest of my family has more time with him!!

Did you know that 4 tablespoons of Silk French Vanilla Creamer only has 2 points? Combine that with no calorie sweetener and I can have a wonderful cup of decaf that is sweet and creamer for only 2 points!!

I haven't been tracking this week like I should and I haven't been eating like I should. I have been in a downward slump for a few weeks now and I am having trouble pulling myself up. With all the emotional upheaval with Gramps and the delays and emotional upheaval with Smug-Sister's move, I haven't been taking care of my home, my family, or my body.

I spent some time yesterday getting the house picked up a bit and some dishes washed, but Smug-Baby isn't feeling well so I spent most of my "free" time playing with her. She chased me all over the house, giggling as she walked on her own around the house in the attempt to catch mommy and then all of a sudden she would burst into tears. I think that this is teething related, but I find it really suspect that I had a bit of dairy over the weekend and all of a sudden she has watery eyes, a runny nose, sneezing and coughing. But, she is also having trouble sleeping and drooling and having multiple poos everyday, so those tend to be more teething related.

She woke me up last night whimpering and I kept stroking her head and whispering to her that I was there and everything was going to be OK. She did settle back into a good sleep, but was restless. I wonder if we are in for more of the same tonight. It is hot and I have all the windows open, so I'm sure that I will wake up with more allergy symptoms - fun!!

I feel like I need several days "off" from everything else in my life except my own immediate family and home. I want to spring clean and have a yard sale and get rid of the clutter and dust from every corner of my life. I feel this connection to cleanliness, like I can't focus on getting healthy when my house isn't in order. I am finally starting to get the finances back to a really good place and I want to get the house to a really good, ordered, un-cluttered place. Then I can focus on getting outside on my bike and taking the babies for walks or hikes and focus on my own personal health. It's like not being able to cook in a dirty kitchen. I don't want to cook in a dirty kitchen, so I eat something crappy or eat out. I want a clean kitchen so I will want to get in there are create something amazing for dinner. Apply that to my whole house!!

Maybe I can put in for some vacation time once Smug-Sister is settled and Gramps is settled. Smug-Grandma could help some and I could have several days off to put my life back into order!! That's the rub - when is anyone, anything ever settled??

OK, Elmo is over and my girl needs binky's and to go to bed! Wish us luck!!

13 Months

Today Smug-Baby is 13 months old. I almost let it pass without thought because I have been preoccupied with Gramps and it will actually post the day after her official day, but whatever... So, what is new about Smug-Baby this month!?!?!

She is finally trusting herself enough to walk without any assistance for small distances around the house. She is still very hesitant to walk alone in other locations and still wants to hold my hand when she is surrounded by strangers. This has all happened within the last two weeks. It started with wanting to walk laps around the house holding Smug-Hub or my hand and she held on with a death grip! But she wouldn't walk around away from home. She was too scared. Then suddenly, she wanted to walk when we were in public, but would stop dead still if a stranger came into view. Then she was over that and would walk around as long as she was holding our hands.

I feel that the days of her being afraid to let go of me in public are numbered!

She is also saying "ice" for food. Smug-Hub got her hooked on ice and she loves the cold slippery feeling and for a while she wasn't interested in anything else in the way of solid food. That has changed and she now loves trying new foods! But, she does still call everything "ice"!! I am trying to get her to say "bite" when she wants something but ice seems to be stuck :)

She likes mashed potatoes, she likes green beans, peas, broccoli, apples, loves banana, she will munch on crackers, bread and cereal, but that is to a lesser extent. I am finding it hard to eat something myself without sharing with her and since I only want her eating healthy foods, I am having to make better choices myself!

She holds her arms up to you when she wants to be picked up and mouths the word "up", but the only part with is really audible is the "p", it is really cute!

She says hi and waves to everyone and she even stops and looks back and people as we are leaving to wave before walking out.

She reached for the bathroom doorknob the other day when daddy was in there and had the nerve to shut the door and keep her out!! I had no idea that she had made the connection between that shinny brass thing and the ability to open the door. She is still several inches from being able to reach it, but she has the connection.

She watches shows on TV with more interest now. It is sad to say, but it is nice to be able to leave her in the living room and run to get the laundry or to pee or grab some lunch without her crying for me or having to take her with me. I hate the idea of using the TV as a "babysitter" but I love that its there when I need it at the same time.

She is starting to get really frustrated with me when she doesn't get what she wants or I don't let her do what she wants. She is still too young to understand my words when I explain why she can't eat dirt or crawl around on the hospital floor, so this is a tough thing. I can't make her understand why it is sometimes OK to crawl around and other times not. Why some items are OK to put in her mouth and others are not. She will arch her back and scream in a little tantrum. Thank goodness, these little episodes aren't too drawn out yet, but I think that we are in for some hard times as she attempts to learn what is OK and what isn't.

Happy 13 month birthday my love. You are always my joy and light and love. It is such a privilege to be your mama and I just hope I am up for the job! Love you!!

UPDATE: Gramps is actually doing better and they are telling us there is reason to be hopeful. He is responding to treatment and Mom tells me that he sat up and asked for a glass of water late last night. He had a good night and got some rest. Things are looking up!!

Grant Me Strength

I was awake when the text popped up on my phone. I was awake because Smug-Baby had been really restless for the last few moments and had just settled down into a nice restful sleep. I heard the soft buzz and saw the light as my phone registered the text message.

It was from mom. It said "at er with gpa, been here all night he's being admitted"

Thursday morning Gramps had been acting strange to me and I called mom and recommended getting him to see his doctor. That evening when I was there he asked me to help him get his phone plugged into the charger. He handed me the cord for the charger and the remote control to his TV. He couldn't comprehend the difference and didn't understand why I wouldn't just plug it in.

After I got home that evening, he called me thinking that I was mom. He told me that he had been going over the finances and the travel wasn't going to work and they needed to sell the boat right away. Now, he doesn't have a boat and there are no plans for him to travel, so I called mom. Apparently, she called him several times for the next 15 minutes and he wouldn't/couldn't answer.

She called the management of the retirement community and they called back to say that they checked on him and he was acting really strangely. Mom headed over and sat with him to observe him for a while. She finally decided that she would take him home with her and as she was packing him up a bit, he began to truly fall apart. He started peeing on various things in the room and talking crazy, he got combative and slightly violent, so they called 911 and took him to the ER via ambulance. That was about 10pm Thursday night. She sent me the text message about 4am.

When I got to the hospital they were still in ER, still waiting to see the doctor. I talked to him and while he was saying some crazy stuff (like that this wasn't a real hospital because those bandages over there were half price) he still knew who I was. He was very agitated and in a lot of pain with leg cramps. We feel like those were caused by dehydration but he kept yanking the IV out so giving him fluids was impossible.

When I left at 7:30 they were transporting him to the 12th floor and preparing for more testing to try to figure out what was causing these problems.

I spent Friday in a haze. After work, I took Smug-Baby and we helped clean at Smug-Sister's new house. I felt helpless because I really couldn't take Smug-Baby to the hospital. Besides it being full of germs, she would want to get down and run/crawl around and play.

All day Saturday we helped at the new house. Gramps was about the same. They ended up restraining him because he was thrashing all over the bed and tearing his arms and legs up on the metal pieces. Mom was at the hospital mostly but came to the new house to help there some too to get her mind on something else.

Saturday evening my aunt arrived. It was unexpected but welcome because now they could stay with him in shifts and both get some sleep without leaving him alone much.

Sunday morning the call came to gather the family at the hospital. When Smug-Sister and arrived they said that he had rallied a bit with some oxygen. The doctor explained that they were giving him fluids (now that he was restrained and satiated), but that his kidney's weren't functioning properly so the fluid was pooling in his chest, however, if they stopped the fluids his blood pressure would drop too low. The sedative was keeping him calm but there was concern that it would lower his respiration so much that he wouldn't be able to breathe. It seemed like the treatment options (which weren't really helping because there isn't a known cause of his issues) were hurting him too.

They sent in a Palliative Care doctor who helped us to decide that we needed to make him more comfortable and while the search for the cause wouldn't cease, it was more important to give him some peace and dignity because his time here in this body was coming to a close. At one point he was getting all worked up and Smug-Sister took his hand in one of hers and put her other hand on his head. She told him that we were all there and we all loved him. She said that he had taught us well and we would all be ok. She said that he didn't need to worry about money or how we would all make it without that everything would be fine. She told him that if he was ready he was free to go be with Grandma. As she was walking over to him before this, I was think those same words and both Mom and A.L. said that it was probably just what he needed to hear because as she spoke, he calmed right down.

They moved him to that unit and the nurses were able to give him meds that would help him to be more comfortable. From what I understand, it is a painkiller that will help him to not be aware of his pain or the struggle to breathe. I did bring Smug-Baby to the hospital for a little bit and she climbed around his bed and "talked" to him. He did seem to respond a bit to her noises and I would like to think that she helped him in some way.

When I left last night he was the same. Calmer, but still out of it. The nurse told us that he could hear us and to talk to him. She meant that on some level he would be able to feel and "hear" our love, but A.L. got all worked up about his hearing aid not having a battery. I guess we are all on different levels of understanding.

Throughout this whole few days and especially yesterday my husband did what he does best. He stood by me holding me up as I went through my own emotions and worked to hold Mom up as she worked through hers. He is my rock and it made me realize that all the little problems we may have (while important to deal with) are so tiny and what really matters is that he is the one person that I know I can lean on without ANY chance of falling. When times are tough and when things get hard he is steady and I know he will be there to catch me even before I fall.

As Sunday draws to a close, I wait for the phone to ring. As I get Smug-Baby ready for bed, I wait for the phone to ring. As I complete this post and prepare for bed myself and the work day tomorrow, I wait for the phone to ring...

Money

I have done the unthinkable. I have paid off four of the five credit cards we currently have. Two major cards and two store cards have been fully paid off (except for possibly some residual interest charges)!! I am so excited about this I can't even tell you!!

We still have the Visa card to pay off ($1,900) and we owe about $900 for a final medical bill and another $900 to Smug-Grandma who helped us out with some cash when Smug-Baby was born, but none of those are incurring interest at the moment. The Visa was a no interest on balance transfers card so I have about 6 months left to get that paid. The plan is to work on that one next while still paying on the medical bill. Once those two are paid off, Smug-Grandma will get chucks of cash until that too is paid off.

I was almost to this place last year when Smug-Baby was born. Then we had unexpected expenses due to being in the NICU and used the credit cards to live on some while I was on maternity leave. Once I returned to work, it was part time, so it has taken longer to get things paid off than we would have liked.

I feel so warm and fuzzy at the thought of not having those cards hanging over our heads and those payments to think about every month. We will be able to have a bit of breathing room in the budget as well as start to fund the savings account again!! I hate not having a little cushion of money in case of an emergency. I really don't think that the washer and dryer is going to last much longer and the dishwasher and refrigerator may be the ones to go after that. You never know when the hot water heater will die or the heat pump will need service and right now we wouldn't be able to afford to fix anything! But, now we have emergency credit available if disaster strikes and soon will have money in savings to cover emergencies without tapping into the credit! I love it when a plan comes together!! :)

In other news, I spent a lovely day with a dear friend yesterday. I don't get many opportunities to hang with people outside my family and while I love my family and hang out with them by choice, it is nice to have someone else to talk to. She has a baby who is Smug-Baby's age and they were cute to watch together. I think that Smug-Baby is used to Smug-Niece who doesn't present much of a challenge and who lets Smug-Baby pull her hair and sit on her and take her toys. But T-Baby is all boy and slightly bigger than Smug-Baby and he wanted to play with her and kiss her and take the toy she was playing with. Basically, she got a taste of her own medicine :)

We took them for a nice walk and they "talked" to each other the whole time. It was so cute and it pains me that we live so far apart. I just loved being with them. Really an hour and a half isn't a bad trip and Smug-Baby did really well. She slept the first 45 minutes of the drive both ways and spent the last 45 minutes just hanging out, playing with toys and looking out the window. Both ways, it was the last 5 minutes of the trip where she got fussy and really wanted to get out of the car seat. All in all, it was a great day!!

However, spending the day there meant that another day passed without working on the disaster zone that is my downstairs and garage. I think that I am going to load up the bed of the truck and have a big yard sale. Whatever doesn't sell, gets taken to the Goodwill at the end of the day. I am so tired of the junk and clutter and waste. Stuff that has been in boxes for 4 years we simply don't need! Let someone else get some use out of it!!

My house is not suitable for a yard sale, but I am hoping to think of somewhere to else to set up... have to give that some thought!!!

Regardless, I think that my spring cleaning mindset has arrived and I have to clean something!!!!

Marriage

I am irritated with my darling husband this morning. Smug-Baby went to sleep at 8:33 last night and I went to bed with her. About 10:30 she became restless and I thought she was going to wake up fully, but she ended up falling back asleep. However, she tossed and turned and wiggled and kicked and was all around restless all night.

Now, I have reported to Smug-Hub that Smug-Baby sleeps so much more peacefully when he is in the bed with us and the reason for this is, I think, because she hates the covers and kicks them off constantly but then she gets cold. When he is in bed, we are all warmer because my husband is like a furnace! She sleeps better because she can sleep without covers and still be warm. Without him, she still kicks off the covers, but then is cold and therefore restless.

My husband doesn't like to go to bed at 8:30 or 9:00 when Smug-Baby and I go to sleep and I don't really blame him. But he has committed to coming to bed by 11, except it NEVER happens!! He came to bed at 3:47 this morning - a full 33 minutes before I have to get up for work! As soon as he climbed into bed Smug-Baby settled down and was sleeping deeply and soundly when I got up for work. To bad for me that I didn't get any sleep.

He used to do this before Smug-Baby came along and I would always complain about it because it felt like I was sleeping alone and I didn't get married to sleep alone. I like to hear him breathing and feel his warmth. I like to wake up wrapped in his arms. He likes to watch TV apparently...

I really thought that once I told him how much it affects his daughter he would make more of an effort to come to bed on a regular schedule, but it hasn't. I don't know what to do. We have talked about it until talking about it again would just be silly.

Most people go to bed at the same time as their partner. People generally like sleeping together which is why they live together and get married and all that mess. Why doesn't my husband like sleeping with his wife? Maybe that needs to be the question. Do I snore? Kick him? Take up more than my half of the bed? Since this staying up all night behavior started before Smug-Baby, I have to think that it is me and not her.

What to do, what to do....

No one ever said marriage would be easy :)

Daylight Saving Time

Normally the "Spring Forward" and "Fall Back" send me into a tizzy. I can't sleep at night and am tired all day. I have, more times than not, really wished that they would finally make the decision to do away with Daylight Saving Time altogether and just let time be time!

This year I was really dreading the time change because of Smug-Baby and this whole sleeping thing, so imagine my surprise when last night (Sunday) she fell asleep promptly at 8:45 (which would have been 7:45 before the time change) and slept all night long. Smug-Hub said that she work about 5:45, but went back to sleep about an hour later for a short nap. She slept beside me all night and woke only twice for nursing.

I personally seem to have adjusted beautifully as well. I had no trouble getting up for work (of course, getting a full night of sleep may have helped with that) and I worked all day without much issue. If this is the result of Daylight Saving Time, than I say lets keep it!!

Both babies were pretty good today, but kind of on a hair trigger. I could sense that both were ready to go over the edge at any moment. Smug-Sister was able to come nurse Smug-Niece to sleep at the same time I was nursing Smug-Baby to sleep and both babies slept for almost an hour and a half and woke about the same time. It was so nice! I held Smug-Baby and dozed a bit myself in the chair and when everyone got up, everyone was all happy for a good while!!

I took the girls and picked up my nephew from school and took everyone over to Smug-Grandma's for a visit and that was nice too. I brought everyone home just in time for Smug-Sister's husband to get home and take over. Smug-Baby and I came home.

We have spent the evening playing on the floor and she helped me make my dinner and ate with me. She is so cute, she wanted to have a bite of my food, but she only knows "ice" so I had some ice for her (strange kid to love ice so much) but she really wanted my burger, so every time I gave her a little piece of burger or bun or avocado I would say "bite" and if she said "ice" I would give her ice and by the end of the meal I think that she was starting to get the difference.

She and Smug-Hub are playing on the floor now and it is getting late. I am hoping that he will tire her out, but they are playing rough and I am nervous that this will make her more wired and have a harder time falling asleep. I am not sure yet how to begin a calming down process and he totally forgets that he is supposed to be calm and soft and read to her and play quietly. He tickles and chases and other typical daddy stuff.

We have been reading aloud to each other in the evenings from "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" and some of her points are making an impression on him and I hope that this will effect some changes in his behavior too. Sometimes I think that he feels like I am just being silly when I make comments or suggestions so it is nice to hear my words coming from an "expert", it gives them validity I guess :)

OK, its time to try to get her to sleep, mostly cause I am really tired all of a sudden!! Let's hope tonight is as good as last night!

Really?

As you know Smug-Baby has been having sleep issues and I got thinking about it and for the most part she is a good sleeper really. 8 out of 10 nights once she falls asleep she stays asleep all night. She wakes a few times to nurse, but since she is sleeping with us I don't even fully wake up for that and thus don't really count it as wake-up. Those other 2 out of 10 nights are when she is restless and wiggly or wants to get up and play.

The biggest problem we have is getting her to fall asleep to begin with. I try not to let her nap after 5pm, and the only reason it isn't earlier than 5pm, is that 5pm is when I am driving home and I can't keep her awake in the car and drive at the same time. Regardless, she always acts like she is dead tired by about 7:30 or so and I work really hard to keep her awake until 8:30 (because I have tried letting her fall asleep at 7:30 and she wakes at 9 or 10 and wants to get up and play). A lot of times lately it has seemed like she gets a second wind about 8 and then it can be 10-11 before we get her to sleep!!

I have fretted and worried and wondered and banged my head against the wall on this topic and I was feeling so concerned that I may be doing something so wrong and she would have developmental problems because of this lack of sleep!! Then I stumbled across Pistols and Popcorn and her post on being afraid of our children and it spoke to me!

She was talking about taking a step back and relaxing! If you followed every "expert’s" advice on how to raise your children, you would just end up in a nut house because there are so many contradictory philosophies out there.

Bottom line, every child is different, more importantly, every parent is different. Even the same parent is different. I was parented as a baby by a new mother, while my sister was parented by a mother of two - same mom, but different!! What works with one baby may not work with another and we as mothers have to start learning to trust our instincts, follow our hearts and do what we know is best for our children!!

People have been telling me for a year now that if I would just put Smug-Baby in her crib and let her cry it out for a few nights that all these sleep problems would go away. It doesn't hurt a baby to cry! Well, does it? Really? I think that people have this blind spot when it comes to babies, like they aren't really people yet.

How would you feel, if for some reason, you were unable to do for yourself and the person you were trusting with your care and ultimately your life, put you in a dark room, closed the door and left you there. You might see shadows on the ceiling and get scared. You would cry out to that trusted person and they wouldn't come. You would cry louder and harder, becoming more scared as the trusted person seems to have abandoned you. You start thinking that perhaps something happened and the trusted person has died and you will be left there to waste away and die of hunger and thrust. You cry harder and louder desperate to get someone, anyone’s attention until finally, your throat sore and raw and your body exhausted you fall into sleep.

Now, you dread nighttime, knowing that you will be abandoned once again and once again no one will come to your aid. The trusted person has less of your trust now as you have learned that your trust is not justified and you become fearful of other things in your life. If that trusted person abandons you sometimes then you can never be sure that the hand you hold, that guides you and helps you won't be yanked away at any moment.

Now, really think about that!! How does that fear of abandonment stay with a baby as they grow? We have battered women who stay with their abusers - why? We have people in this world so scared of commitment – why? We have people who eat themselves into obesity - why? Could it all be traced back to their first betrayal? Was that the beginning of low self-esteem (I am not worthy of being comforted)?

I don't want that for my daughter.  Right now crying is the only way that she can communicate with me and she has different cries for different things. Sometimes she is hurt, hungry, bored, scared, and mad because I won't let her do something. I don't always run to her and pick her up whatever the cry. I don't give in and let her have something I don't want her to have just because she is crying. But I never let her cry in fear or pain without trying to help soothe her. My arms and my kisses don't always stop the tears, but I feel that my daughter will never think that her mother didn't care enough to try to help ease her pain and suffering.

I trust myself as a mother. I don't know how I know what I know, but I know it!! I know that letting my sweet, trusting baby cry herself to sleep will never be something that I will do - ever! I know that I will figure out the magic plan that works for our family. I will read books and talk to others and post my fears and questions and concerns here, but ultimately, I will find what works for us from options that resonate with my soul! I never thought that parenting would be easy, I took it on with eyes wide open and I am up for the challenge!!

The Dog

Smug-Baby received a lot of clothes and toys for her birthday and she seems to really like all of them. This is strange to me because I assumed that she would find one or two things that she likes best and play with them most, but that hasn't happened.... until now!

Someone (King) gave her a stuffed puppy and she promptly fell in love with this little guy! She carries him around and gives him kisses (which are open mouth, tongue out kisses, but whatever!!). When she sees him she makes her barking sound, which is like "huh huh". She has made the parking sound for a long time when she sees or hears a dog, but this is the first time she has been able to associate the dogs that live near us and the stuffed dog as both being dogs.

Anyway, a big thanks to King for giving her her first favorite toy and here are some pictures I took this afternoon of her playing with Smug-Grandma and her doggy!!

Consistency, Discipline and Spoiling

I have been struggling with something and I need your help. How do you teach a 1 year old about discipline?

Yesterday, Smug-Sister and I were talking about Smug-Baby and the whole sleep pattern thing and she said something that stuck with me. She said that if Smug-Baby keeps popping up in the middle of the night wanting to play and eventually we get up and take her into the living room to play while one of us gets some sleep, that we are actually reinforcing to her that if she is persistent enough we will get up and that is what she really wants. Smug-Sister told me that, in her opinion, consistency in the key to teaching a child how to behave.

OK, that makes a lot of sense to me. But here is the thing; Smug-Baby doesn't have the mental capacity to understand everything that is going on. For example when I leave the room to, say, pee, she begins to cry because she wants me to come back. I don't want to teach her that the way to get what she wants is to burst into hysterics, however, I was coming back anyway and I HAVE to come back regardless. Do I hide in the bathroom until she gives up and stops crying? That seems a bit unrealistic!!

She doesn't yet understand the difference between the crying that gets her the desired result and the crying that doesn't. She cries every time I put her in the car seat, but that doesn't result in not having to get into the car seat, but she still cries each and every time!

We were playing on the floor today and I got up to grab the remote and she thought I was leaving so burst into tears. By the time she really even noticed and started crying I was already sitting back down with her. Does that teach her that if she doesn't want me to move she should cry and I'll sit right back down??

How does a parent teach their child not to cry to get their way? If you run to a crying child every time they cry are you spoiling them? My Gramps this morning asked if Smug-Baby was getting spoiled. I replied that I didn't think so, but when I got up to make his bed, she burst into tears because she didn't want to be alone with him, so I picked her up and took her with me to make the bed. He commented that she was spoiled for sure. But here is the thing, she is shy, she is insecure about this huge world and these giant people all around her. I get that and I don't want her to think that she can't trust me to take care of her or to respect how she feels. I think that her confidence will build and already has where Gramps is concerned; they play and talk some now, as long as I am close by. I don’t want to undermine that by forcing her to hang with him if she’s not ready. That will have the opposite effect right? She would associate him with something scary.

She is gaining confidence in her ability to walk unassisted every day, but she still doesn't like to let go of my hand in public. I don't think that she is scared of falling; she is scared of the big, loud world! How does it help her to be forced to let go of me and be scared?

I think that in another year she will have a better understanding about her world and of what I am saying to her. Then I can work on teaching her the difference between crying that equals in getting what she wants and crying that doesn't. However, what do I do now? I feel like this is when the molding begins which is why I am so adamant about making sure she feels safe and loved and respected, but I also don't want to raise a brat!!

Thoughts??

Tough

Today was tough. Overall it was a good day really. I came home after work and had a couple of hours before I needed to be at Smug-Sister's and Smug-Baby was able to get a nap, so she was in a great mood for the better part of the afternoon.

Smug-Grandma and I took the babies and my nephew for a walk along the Greenway and he and I did all the exercise stations along the way. I can already tell that I am going to be sore in the morning. The problems started when I was heading home. I stopped to take care of Gramps, but Smug-Baby was asleep (finally), so I asked him to bring some water and come down to the lobby. He forgot the water and was really huffing and puffing when he got there, so I felt bad about asking that of him. But, it worked and Smug-Baby stayed asleep until we got home.

That is when the trouble began. She was still tired, but not interested in going back to sleep and I didn't really want her to, because then she wouldn't go to bed at a decent hour tonight. So she just fussed and whined and was clingy. I was so starving that I needed to eat something right away. I opened a few cans of black beans, a can of tomatoes, a jar of salsa and cooked a few bags of boil-in-bag brown rice. All of this while trying to hold her. She would scream and arch her back when I tired to put her in the backpack or on the floor. Even Elmo wasn't holding her attention!!

Anyway, while I was trying to stir everything together in the hot pan, she reached out and grabbed the side of the pan. I jerked backwards and she jerked her hand away, but she felt it and she cried in pain. I felt so bad!! I ran her hand under cold water and nursed her and after it was all said and done, her hand isn't even red or anything, but I feel horrible! The only up side? She didn't reach out to touch the pan again.

I wolfed down some beans and rice and then we played on the floor. This was great except that she was on a hair trigger and if I moved the wrong way and she toppled over hysterics would result! Finally, about 7:30 I started to relax, Smug-Hub would be home soon! Then he texted me that he was just now off the phone and getting ready to leave the office. I was so mad I thought I was going to scream!! He is supposed to get off work at 7, I manage to get out of the office right when I am supposed to, but he works well after the end of his shift all the damn time! Granted, he works on the phones and customers don't really like it when you hang up in the middle of an order just because its the end of your shift, but it still really pisses me off. I count on having his help as she winds down, so I can do things like pee and eat something or take the trash out!!

So, I got her ready for bed and brushed her few teeth and mine and washed our faces before he got home. He took over and played with her and she was totally happy and sweetness and light and he is acting like I have three heads for talking about how fussy she has been. They are rolling on the floor and laughing like nothing was ever wrong! He said that once we go to bed he will take care of the trash and the dishes, so I am taking the time to write this and then my sleep deprived ass is taking this tired child to bed. I don't care if she is acting like she is fine - it's bedtime!!

Just so you know I'm speaking truth!!
Here is a photo of a happy baby from right now:

And here is a few from just two hours ago:

I'm not making it up I swear!!!

UPDATE:
Well, that didn't work! Last night, Smug-Hub played with Smug-Baby and I went to sleep, about 40 minutes later I woke to the sound of her screaming. I got up and she nursed and fell right asleep. Aparently, after I went to sleep he found out that I was right about her fussiness! Then we went to bed and she didn't move all night! Not even to switch sides!! So, I am all lopsided this morning, but I slept from 10:30 to 4:30 and I feel pretty good myself!!

Coming Home

One year ago today we were finally able to bring Smug-Baby home from the hospital! It felt like years dragged by while we waited for them to release her from NICU. But we survived and were able to bring her home on March 8th.

I remember being so anxious to get her home and talking with the doctors and an LC and trying to figure out why they were keeping her when she was off all the wires and tubes and nursing and gaining weight and everything. The LC even considered that they would get more money from us and our insurance since we were private rather than on Medicaid. When I was finally able to get the doctor to come talk to us, he said that Smug-Baby needed to finish the round of antibiotics she was on and then he would release her. He wouldn't make eye contact with me and I don't think he was used to dealing with educated, self-assure people, because all talk of her staying another week vanished after he and I had that conversation.

I had already decided that I was going to take her home that Monday even if I had to sign an AMA waver. I was getting really mama bear toward her at that point and I was feeling like they were trying to control our life and threatening to give her formula and all that stuff! I was feeling like if I didn't get her home soon, I never would!!

When we finally got her home, we walked into the house and set the car seat on the living room floor and both Smug-Hub and I looked at each other at the same time and said "Now What?" We hadn't really been able to think about how the details of life would change and now here she was and we didn't know what to do with her.

What we did was climb into bed. I took her clothes off and my top off and we stayed in bed together nursing and sleeping and nursing some more for the next 48 hours. I know that my husband and his mother (who was staying with us during the whole time Smug-Baby was in the NICU as well as for about 3 days after we got home) were concerned that I wasn't letting Smug-Baby sleep more than two hours at a time. As much as I tried to explain that I was trying to establish breastfeeding and she was such a sleepy baby (probably due to all the residual drugs in her system), that I needed to keep it up until she learned what she was doing and was able to latch herself on without issue.

By the end of those 48 hours, she had pretty much gotten the picture and my milk supply was adjusted to her needs (I had been pumping every two hours for 15-20 minutes at a time while she was in the NICU, so my breasts were under the impression that I had given birth to like 4 babies!!) and we settled into our new life.

It was a few more days before we switched over to our cloth diapers and I was able to put a shirt on again. Smug-Baby also got more awake and alert, but never needed to nurse the whole 20-30 minutes that I was thinking she should. She was able to get everything she needed with about 5-10 minutes and then would nap.

I spent the next 6 weeks or so sitting on the couch, holding her soft, warm little body and bonding deeply with her. I would listen to her breathing and smell her milky breath and hold her soft little hands. Smug-Hub was concerned that I was wearing a hole in the sofa cushion because I didn't want to move from that spot or put her down.

I wanted to hold her when she was awake and make faces and coo and talk to her. Then I wanted to hold her while she slept because a sleeping baby is the best thing on the planet!!

Happy one year anniversary of being home where you belong, in my arms! I love you my girl!!

Weekend Events!

I got off track last week in my weight loss efforts. I gained two pounds at the meeting this weekend and while I am disappointed, I do understand where I went wrong and how I can avoid another gain next week. However, the problem is that I knew I was eating something “bad” when I was putting it into my mouth, but I didn’t care. I knew that I needed to exercise, but my allergies have been really bad and I didn’t feel up to forcing myself to walk. All that combined for a gain.

I resolved to do better in the coming week and planned out my food for the week carefully, and I counted points all weekend. The thing is that I get tired of all the tracking and counting and thinking about it all the time. I sometimes think that all the thinking about it makes me think that I’m hungry all the time!!

In other news, Smug-Sister and I went to this large consignment sale over the weekend and stocked up on summer clothes for our children. I got so many really cute summer dresses for Smug-Baby!! We also spilt the cost (all $30 of it) on a tandem stroller, so I can take both babies for a walk in the park by myself! I am actually really excited about it and I hope that Monday is warm enough to give it a try. If not, maybe I’ll take them to the mall and walk there. I need to pick up Smug-Baby’s birthday pictures anyway!

Maybe the new stroller will inspire me to get some good long walks in this week! That seems to make the biggest difference in the scales – the walking! I really need for the warmer weather to get here so I can get outside more. I am desperate to get out on my bike and go hiking and such. But while it would be fine for me, who is working up a sweat, the cold wouldn’t be great for Smug-Baby who would be sitting there in the backpack or the bike trailer! So, I must wait!

We got our carpets cleaned this weekend and man oh man do they look nice!! It’s like having new carpet!! I used a Groupon and he offered Groupon people an additional discount on other rooms, so it was only $132.00 for our entire upstairs, the hall and the stairs/entryway area!! It was dry by the evening even with all the rain and did I mention it looks amazing?!??!?

That was it for my weekend, feeling pudgy but with clean carpet and new summer dresses for my girl!! Hope yours was great too!!

A Little Down

Well, I buckled down today and got a lot of the house cleaning done. I love my new vacuum - like I want to have this vacuums children!!! When I was finished and emptied the canister, it was almost full! That is way, way, way more dirt than the last several vacuums came up with, so I am confident that it was getting the floor really clean! I changed out the linens and did all the dishes too. I didn't get to much else on the list because my darling daughter woke up.

Smug-Baby was attached to my body all day except for when she was in the car seat. I think that she needs close contact when we are home because she seems so needy when we are hanging with Smug-Niece during the days I work there. Smug-Baby is an only child and she is used to having all the attention and I get that, but she doesn't seem to be adjusting well to sharing her mama with another. She cries and is clingy all day every day. I would think that after 4 months of spending time with another baby, she would be learning that I am able to play with them both and love on them both.

I have also fallen off the tracking food thing for Weight Watchers. I don't think that I have eaten much worse and I am sure that I haven't exhausted my weekly "extra" points, but I should have been tracking. My only excuse is that I haven't felt well and just getting through each day this week has required extra strength. My only hope is that there isn't a gain on Saturday weigh in. I think having the house a mess on top of feeling bad combined to drag me down. I feel better knowing that the house is clean and I have tomorrow and the weekend to get some of the extra stuff done as well as take some time to relax and maybe watch a movie or something.

I leave you now with a few of my favorite pictures from a few days ago!!

I love my sweet girl and I know that someday the teething with be finished and she will smile again!!

Booked

Well, we have done it. Bit the bullet and paid the money. We have seats on a plane in May that will take us to New Mexico to visit Smug-Hub's family. We are beyond excited to show Mary the beauty of Albuquerque and show her off to the family members there whom haven't met her yet. I personally am excited for my Mother-in-Law's cooking!! Also, there is a restaurant there called Frontier and I would eat there every day that we are there if people would let me!! So, I will be planning not to be dairy-free or counting points while I'm there. I am going to enjoy all those foods while we are there and deal with the fallout later and I don't care!

We are booked on an evening flight out of Virginia, leaving at 5:55pm. We have two layovers and arrive in NM about midnight. My thinking is that Smug-Baby may sleep most of the way thus making the flight less stressful. If she does sleep the whole way and is wide awake when we arrive, I will go right to bed and Smug-Hub will stay up with her until she is ready for sleep. He generally stays up super late with his brothers anyway, so it shouldn't be a problem. If she stays awake for the flight, then she will be super beat when we arrive, so I will take her to bed with me right away. Win-win!! (Yeah, I know there is so much that could go wrong with this plan, but whatever).

We will leave on Sunday morning with one layover that puts us home at 4:30 in the afternoon. That should give us enough time to get home and fed and unpacked a bit before getting Smug-Baby (and her mama) in bed in order to start the new week. Again, I do know there is a lot that could mess up my perfect plan!

I love my husband's family so much! They are such good people and loving and kind and all the boys are decent and respectful and love their Mother. One of the brothers hasn't met Smug-Baby yet and I am looking forward to seeing their reaction to each other. It's been a long time since the others have seen her and she has changed so much!

One of the brothers is graduating from college and that is the big reason that we are going then in May and the tickets were ungodly expensive, but Smug-Hub's mom said she would send us some money to help out with the cost, so that’s good. I had these big plans for our tax money and spending over $1,000 on plane tickets wasn't one of them.

On that front, I have paid off one credit card and put $500 on each of the others, so we are well on our way to having all those paid off. I am going to throw as much as I can at the higher interest cards and only pay the minimums on the no interest ones until the others are paid off. Once everything is paid, we should have about $250 extra and I am thinking that I would like to start contributing to our IRA's and Money Market accounts again. I would also like to set some money aside for repairs to Smug-Hub's truck or to purchase a new one. His truck is wonderful but it is 15 years old and won't last forever. Our life only works because we have two cars, so we need wiggle room in the budget for repairs or even a car payment in the future.

I love feeling like we are coming out of the forest financially. We used so much of everything we had when I was home after Smug-Baby was born. We had to use money from our IRA's, everything we had in savings and charged a lot of the credit cards just to get by. When she was in the NICU we spent a lot of eating at the hospital and extra gas going back and forth not to mention the huge medical bills! Thankfully, I have all but one of those medical bills paid now and with the chunks being paid on the cards, we should soon be recovered and back into a saving mode rather than a spending mode.

Having a baby really isn't expensive overall. The day to day expenses haven’t really changed. Since we aren't using disposable diapers or wipes and are still nursing and not purchasing baby food there really isn't anything she needs. People have purchased enough clothes and toys for her that I haven't needed to buy much there either!

Anyway, all things are looking up on the financial front and we are looking forward to spending time with family in a few months!!

I AM NOT SICK

Yes my head is aching like someone has been stuffing it full of packing peanuts and yes my throat is hurting and my nose if runny, but I am not sick. It is simply allergies due to the weather changing and spring coming and that's all it is. I can't get sick I have stuff to do!!

I got my new vacuum cleaner last night. It is the LG Kompressor and it is really cool! It is an upright, bag less that has several on board attachments. The nice thing is that the Kompressor technology turns all the dust and dirt that it sucks up into a firm disk that is dumped in one piece so there isn't that huge dust cloud everywhere when you empty the canister. The attachments are all attached and ready to go at all times, so you don't have to stop, turn off the vacuum, put together hoses and wands in order to say get the corners of a room!

I know is it a little silly to get excited over a vacuum, but I am! I have been using Smug-Grandma's vacuum for a long time now. Which means that I have to meet up with her or go to her house and pick it up, run home and clean, put it back in the car and take it back to her - EVERY WEEK!! Not to mention that it is a canister and we both hate it! The hose gets kinked, its heavy, and it just isn't the kind of vacuum that I like. Also, with Smug-Baby crawling around, I really need to vacuum more than once a week - now I can!!

I was only able to get it all put together last night and I started getting the floor cleaned up so that I could vacuum, but it got late and my darling girl was tired. So, I will not actually be able to test it out until today!

I also purchased a Groupon to have the carpets cleaned and he is coming on Saturday afternoon. We rented one of those steam cleaners from the grocery store when we bought the house, but other than that the carpets haven't ever been cleaned and they are gross! We planned on replacing the carpet with hard wood or laminate when we bought the house, but never got around to it and now that we have Smug-Baby we probably won't get around to it for a while! It will be nice to have them professionally cleaned and then I have the new vacuum to help keep them clean. I also bought a big plastic mat to live under Smug-Baby's high chair, so she will get less food on the new clean carpets! BTW - who puts carpet in a dining room anyway?!?!?!

I have been making a list of all the things that I want to do on the spring cleaning front and having the carpets clean will be a nice start. I want to wash the windows and blinds, organize everything and have a big yard sale (or donate everything to Goodwill). I want to un-clutter everything in my life and spring being right around the corner is as good a reason as any to get it done. That and we might get rid of all these germs we keep spreading around once and for all!

You like that? See what I did? The whole post was about carpet, except for the beginning where I talked about being not being sick. Then I tied it all together with the germ comment at the end. Yeah, I'm clever like that :)

Surprising

Well, I was actually dreading today thinking about how horrible last week was, but it was actually a pretty good day overall.

When I left work Smug-Baby and I went to the doctor for her 1 year check up. This was a very odd visit because the nurse was either an idiot or very drunk! She measured Smug-Baby's length and then charted it and announced that Smug-Baby was very small in the length department. I frowned at her and stated that Smug-Baby was actually tall for her age, so the nurse measured again and calculated the chart again and then announced that she had double checked everything and Smug-Baby was short. I asked her to measure again, because I had noticed that when she laid the tape down, she was starting at the number 1 on the tape rather than the start of the tape. I explained to her that the 1 indicated a full inch so she was getting a larger number than was accurate. She laughed about having a case of the Monday's and calculated again and again announced that Smug-Baby was very short for being 24 months... I blinked a few times before reminding the nurse that Smug-Baby was only 12 months. She laughed about Monday once again, calculated once again and pronounced Smug-Baby in the 75th percentile for her height.

The nurse also announced that Smug-Baby was under weight and anemic, but when the doctor came in, he said that she was in the 25th percentile for her weight which was normal for breastfed babies who tend to be leaner than those on formula because formula has a lot more fat in it. He also said that her blood was showing on the low end of normal but it wasn't anything he wanted to treat with more than making sure that the solid foods we are giving her aren't animal crackers or goldfish, but are things like bananas, beans, oatmeal and green veggies - duh!

I don't know if the nurse was just insensitive or likes trying to scare people or perhaps as I mentioned before she was drunk, but whatever! Smug-Baby is totally healthy and totally normal.

The only thing that really bothered me was that in order to test her blood, they had to do the finger prick. Smug-Baby offered no resistance as the nurse took her little hand and jabbed it with a needle. She yanked her hand back when she felt the prick, but didn't really cry about it until the nurse grabbed her little finger and squeezed the blood out. She cried a few seconds until the band-aid came out and then she was distracted by that. Overall it wasn't bad, but I felt so guilty that she trusted me to protect her and wasn't in any way fearful of the nurse and we rewarded that trust by stabbing her with a needle!! I hope she has forgotten all about it now!

Oh, and the other thing the stupid nurse did was to pull out a band-aid the size of Texas to put on Smug-Baby's stabbed finger. I said something to the effect that the band-aid was huge and the nurse said that they had the little round ones, but she was afraid that Smug-Baby would just pull it off. I told her to use the round one, but stopped short of giving the nurse a lesson on clotting and how if Smug-Baby pulled it off any later than 45 seconds after application it would be fine. Yes, she must have been drunk!!

After the doctor, we headed over to Smug-Sister's place and Smug-Niece was wearing the most adorable yellow spring dress! Her little chunky baby legs and bare feet were enough to make this vegetarian want to take a nibble!! The windows were open and the rain was pattering all around and soon lulled both the babies to sleep. When they were awake they played together for the most part and Smug-Sister had a light day and was able to come help when they got fussy.

When we got home, we played on the floor with the Lego's and blocks and I had the Academy Awards recorded on the DVR so I had that going in the background. We just played and wrestled and tickled for a couple of hours until Daddy got home. Then he took over the playing and I had some food. Smug-Baby just needed to be held and loved. I think she may also be having a growth spurt, because she nursed most of the day and then ate a whole mashed banana with soy milk while playing with daddy. I guess growing all those teeth is hungry work!!

She fell asleep in my arms about 8:30 and I laid her down. Now I am all ready for bed and heading there myself. I have a headache that will not go away! I hope it's gone in the morning :)