Very Boring Life

I must have a very boring life. I have such a hard time of think of stuff to blog about. Most of the time, this blog is more like my personal journal, but sometimes I wish that I had the talent to write about important social and political topics. I have to face facts though, I really don't care about most of the social and political topics enough to spend time ranting about them.

I would rather rant about my recent horrible experiences with two separate mothering groups.

Since I will soon be a mother, I want to connect with other mothers. I have been so wrapped up in finishing school (got an A for the last class BTW - ended up with a 3.829 GPA!! Go Me!!) that I have failed to cultivate many friendships with anyone let alone other mothers. So, I wanted to get involved and start making some connections. I want to make friends, I want to hear about how others are making ends meet financially, who likes what pediatrician and so on.

When I was growing up my mother was a La Lache League leader and I have fond memories of playing with the other kids and watching a room full of nursing mothers talking and laughing. So, I wanted to join the local LLL chapter and went to my first meeting on Monday. Yes, Monday, Labor Day.

First of all, the e-mail telling me about the meeting simply said that the meeting would be held at the hospital on the 13th floor - no room number or anything, just the 13th floor. When I arrived with Smug-Sister in tow (she would like to also be pregnant soon and I needed the moral support), the hospital information desk looked at me like I was speaking in tongues and mutely pointed to the bank of elevators - "Those will take you to the 13th floor." Upon arriving on the 13th floor, we found it completely deserted. We found the only conference room, but it was locked and dark - this about 10 minutes before the meeting was to begin.

We wandered down to the Labor and Delivery unit and asked the nurses who again looked at like we were insane and suggested the 12th floor, on which we repeated the same procedure. We ended up back at the locked conference room and I was trying to find the leaders phone number when she and other mother arrived. Since the conference room was locked, the leader spent another 10 minutes locating another room for us. Finally about 15 minutes after the meeting start time, we got settled.

Now, if I had been the leader, knowing that I had three brand new people, would have introduced LLL, had everyone introduce themselves, stuff like that. But there was none of that. She told us that she was just back from being out of town for the holiday weekend and was unprepared, so she wanted to just open the meeting up for discussion.

The new mother had an 11 week old baby and was in desperate need of support and help. The leader attempted to help where she could, but then that left Smug-Sister and I just staring at them. It was strange and uncomfortable to say the least.

I think that I will most certainly go to next months meeting. Being that this was a holiday and a leader that was not the normal leader of this group or time, I hope that I will be more impressed with the next meeting.

Then we move on to the Mothers and More Group. I had never heard of this group, but someone gave me a flier about them while I was in a restaurant one day reading my childbirth book. Anyway, their website for my local chapter stated that they have meetings every 2nd Tuesday. So I headed down there last night and I arrive to find the building dark and locked. I wanted until about 10 minutes after the start time of the meeting and then I called a phone number on the flier and sent an e-mail (the address also being on the flier). I simply asked if I had the wrong day or wrong location or what had happened.

I received a call back last night after I had turned my phone off (which I do, so my sleep will not be interrupted) from someone saying that they had had their big open house the previous week and were not able to do that and another meeting a week later. I actually knew about the open house thing, but it was held the same day and time as my last class, so I was not able to attend. There was nothing on their website about the open house causing a regular meeting to be skipped or anything.

This morning I received an e-mail stating much the same thing. Both were apologetic that I was left waiting and said that I should call/e-mail back to get more information about the group and the next meeting.

I think that I will still give them a chance, but there is something strange that I noticed in the e-mail. She was telling me about some of their activities and she said they had this, this and this, along with play dates and other activities where children were welcome. This strikes me as odd - does this mean that the "this, this and this" are NOT child friendly? How can you have a mothering group and not welcome the children?

I am not too worried about it at the moment, since my child accompanies me everywhere right now, but I am not sure that I want to be part of a group of mothers who use this as an escape from their kids. I am having this baby because I want to HAVE this baby. The last thing I want to do is have obligations that require me to leave my baby or child.

I see this a lot with certain mothers who complain about not getting enough "Me time" it's like they have forgotten that they had "me time" all throughout growing up, high school, college, their 20's whatever! Now, you are a mom/dad - now you have chosen to put someone else before yourself by having and keeping your child.

It is not a sacrifice to be around your kids, its a joy! Why did you have kids if you did not want to be around them, take care of them, do things with them?? I am not saying that by being a mother you should never want to do things without your children, but I can't imagine waiting SO long for this baby that I have wanted since I was 12 years old and then wanting to be away from her/him on a regular basis!!

I personally think that some people have children for the wrong reasons, or perhaps have them too young. They are not mature enough to understand the new role they have taken on. That is just my opinion and perhaps you will see me writing later about my burning need for "me time", but as it stands now, I don't want babysitters - hell, I am not sure that I will allow anyone else to hold my baby until she/he is at least 10 years old!! :)

Anyway, back to the mothering meetings. I was really frustrated by the whole experience. I felt like I dragged myself to make these meetings when I was tired and really needed to be home resting instead because it is important to me. I even refused to take home my leftovers in a doggy bag when I had dinner, because I knew that I wasn't going to be going home until late and they would not have lasted in the hot car.

I will give both groups another try next month, but if they fail me again....well.... I guess nothing :)

Today is the Day!

Today is the last day of school - forever! At least until my little peanut gets ready to head off on his or her own academic career. Tonight, I will give my final school related presentation, say goodbye to my classmates and instructors. Tonight, will be the first night of the rest of my life!

I have been on this journey for so long. I was telling someone that I started taking general education classes with this day, this goal in mind in 1999. Granted, I was only able to take a class or two at a time, and it has taken me 10 years to get both a 4 year degree and a 2 year degree, but all that will be behind me after tonight. In about 12 hours, I will officially be free!!

I am taking tomorrow off work to spend the day basking in the glory that is being free and being an MBA!

I have plans - big plans!! Now that I have my MBA I just need to win the lottery to be able to pay off the $90,000.00 in student loans that I have accumulated over the last 10 years and enough to pay off my house, so we can afford to live on my husbands income and I can be a stay at home mom for a couple of years. I know what you are thinking - "Man, she is not wasting anytime putting that degree to good work"

I want to do something really big to commemorate this occasion, but I can only think about sleeping in, reading something trashy (since I have been reading nothing but textbooks for the last 10 years), and getting a massage or my nails done. I will probably end up spending the day in bed or something equally as gluttonous!

I was laying in bed, falling asleep last night thinking about today being the beginning of this whole range of great things that are going to be happening the rest of the year and into next.

First, I finish school, 9/22 is my anniversary, 9/25 we find out if we are having a boy or a girl. In October, we have our childbirth classes, my birthday and my Dad's birthday. In November, my brother will get out of jail, and we have Thanksgiving (my favorite holiday of the year). In December we will have some baby showers, the actual graduation ceremony, and Christmas, then there is New Years and Will and Jerrod's birthday's, and then the Baby will be here!! Everything is coming together. I am so happy!!

I have this great life! Even the stuff that makes me unhappy (like my job right now) can't even be considered THAT bad! I know people who have been out of work altogether for a long time and I have read about people losing their homes and living in tents and the like. I have so much to be thankful for and I know that everything financially will work out too!

8 days

I am down to counting the days until school is complete. Next Tuesday, one week from tomorrow is the final class period, the final night, the big celebration!

I have decided to take September 2nd off (next Wednesday the day after the final class) from work. I was discussing with my husband what I should do with my free day and he firmly suggested that I make no plans. I take this to mean that he has made plans for me, which I am sure is going to be totally sweet. He probably got me a massage gift certificate which he knows is my favorite thing, so perhaps he did something totally different to throw me off the trail. I only know that I am excited beyond words!!

I only wish that by finishing this last class, my income would suddenly increase! There are no jobs in the city I currently live in and we have no plans to move elsewhere and besides, no one is going to hire a pregnant woman who wants to only work part time after the baby comes. I think that I am going to have to stick it out at my crappy job that I totally hate until the economy turns around and I can find something that both suits my skill set and my desire to raise my own child.

I have faith that everything will work out as it should and if I ended up needing to use some kind of day care, it will all be fine. I just feel like I have waited for this baby for so long (I am almost 33 after all), that I don't want to hand him/her over to anyone else for any reason. At least not until she/he is like 40!! I want to experience every first, every second, everything!

I know that it will be fine! I just have to put my faith out there and let the perfect situation come to me!

Quick Update

I am still cover up with school work, but I am down to the last two weeks and things are starting to come together - I am so close I can taste it!!

My brother was "promoted" to the highest level of trustee which means that he lives in a larger pod with only 2 other guys and they have all the TV channels. He works 8-4 Monday through Friday now with weekends off. He is working maintenance, so he is allowed to go outside just a bit (like to take out the trash, but still it is the first taste of fresh air he has had in 2 months). He looked happier than I have seen him before, so I am happy too.

I found a picture online of what my baby is looking like about now:

I can't believe it!! I can't wait to hear the heartbeat next week!!

I feel like I am right on the cusp of everything coming together. Two more weeks of school, 2-3 more weeks of this horrible, humid, nasty weather before things start to cool down a bit. 4-5 more weeks until I find out that I am having a girl! I am almost through the worst of everything (school and feeling sick) and I can't wait to move on and get to the fun stuff!!

Letter From My Brother (or a Jailhouse Communication)

Good Morning All!

Below is part of a letter that my brother sent to me from his jail cell. I told him that I would put his thoughts out there online and see what other people thought about the justice system. Following his letter is my response to him – please comment and let us know what you think on this topic

Dad thinks I should join the Navy when I get off probation and I’m really thinking about it, then again I may on the road I am on, I kinda like it here, I’m making a lot of friends and as long as I don’t have shit going for me out there then why not just have fun and if I come back so what. Like I said before, “3 hots and a cot”, but don’t tell Dad that, it would crush him; I really think he thinks that being in here is making me a better person. I hate to tell him that he spent all those years (in police work) breeding more criminals.

This is not the place for small time shit. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to start doing all kinds of fucked up shit, I’m just trying to prove a point – that being in here is not doing anybody any good. All I want to do when I get out is smoke pot and do all the same things I did before, and everybody else in here is saying the same thing. “Can’t wait to do all the shit I was doing before” nobody is saying “Man I’m never going to do drugs again.”

I really think there is a better way to help people get better and it’s not jail. There is a guy in here that went to court drunk and got 30 days, all he talks about is as soon as he gets out, the first thing he is going to do is go get a beer, he doesn’t need jail he needs AA. I’m sure that I’d be much better off going to NA than jail. What kind of stupid people run this country? Do they really think that jail works? The only reason I’d think seriously about the Navy at this point is if I can’t find a job so I can buy weed.

I even talked to Dad’s friend’s kid who is in here; he is he for drugs too and he is in the drug program here and he even said that he can’t wait to get out and smoke a phat-azz blunt. So, tell me what good is being in here doing, besides learning what not to do and seeing how others got caught. The sad thing is that I think Dad really thinks that all those people he locked up in here, got out and never did anything wrong again. I hate to be the one to tell him that he has been part of the problem the whole time. Sometimes I think that the cops are dumber than the people they lock up.

I’m sorry; I just had to get some of this off my chest. I’d like to hear what you think about all this, is it making any sense? I mean people are going to do what they want to do no matter what. Write me back and tell me what you think put it online and see what other people think – I know I am not the only one who feels this way. I mean, I really don’t want to spend my life in jail, I am just saying that it isn’t helping anyone get off drugs or stop stealing. There’s a guy here who paid all his court fees by stealing and pawning everything and he says that he is going to do the same thing again this time.

Dear David:

I have been giving a lot of thought to your comments about jail not being the way to rehabilitate law breakers. Here is what I think. I think that the system is broken. Plain and simple – I don’t think that the majority of offenders stop breaking the law because they don’t want to go back to jail. I think that some times the people who are more likely to break the law are the type of people who don’t have a very nice or comfortable life, so jail is actually a better situation for them. Even you said that you eat, sleep, read, play cards, workout, etc. There is no work, no nagging kids, no bills to pay – I can totally see how jail might be a better life than being free.

However, there are certain people who do come out of jail ready to make a life change. The only big name that I can think of right now is Tim Allen. He went to jail for a while for drugs and came out ready to change his life and make himself into a different person. He channeled his experiences into a stand up routine and then went onto a successful acting career.

I hear you talking about how things are not changing the attitudes of some of the people you are in there with. I hear that you have ideas on what would work better. I think that jail will be what you make it, you can come out of jail and go back to doing and selling, or you can come out and become an advocate for change. You could get a license and start working on doing some drug counseling and start a grass roots political action group to work to effect change within the justice system. You are a very smart person; you work hard and see the world from a unique point of view. It makes since that people who have never been on both sides of the law can’t fully understand the mindset of the law breaker. They can’t know what would motivate people to make real and lasting changes in their lives. Yes, the system works to rehabilitate some people, but does nothing for the majority.

I will post this letter to you on my blog and see what kind of feedback I get from readers. I don’t actually have that many people who read me, so don’t expect much J

Bouncing Baby!

My baby was bouncing all over the place at the doctor appointment yesterday! It was very sweet to watch and she/he also had one arm up near his/her head - which is exactly how my husband sleeps, so he is tickled pink that his baby is already taking after daddy!

I LOVE my new doctor! He is totally wonderful and I did not pull any punches with him either. I told him that I wanted a partner in this process and not a dictator. I did not need someone taking over and telling me how it is going to be.

I told him that I wanted a labor and birth with as little intervention as possible, I wanted to be able to move around and use a birthing ball or birthing stool if I wanted to. I wanted to have lower lighting and to bring this baby into the world is softly and calmly as possible. He was totally OK with everything that I said.

He is the father of 10 (yes TEN) kids!! The oldest is 17 and the youngest is 18 months! They were all born naturally and without a lot of medical intervention! I was really impressed and happy that he was so eager to make us a team in this process!

Today...

Today we see the new doctor and hear that our baby is totally fine and doing great!

Today is the day I have to drive almost to my house, where the new doctor's office is located and then drive all the way back to work for a late meeting that will probably have nothing to do with me.

Today is the day that I have to work late after making plans to meet with my study group at 5:00. It may not be a big deal since two of the others have already canceled. There may only be two people there and I may be late or not able to make it at all either.

Today is the day I can see my brother. I look forward to these visits because I get to see him and talk to him and make sure that he is OK. I feel closer to him since I have been visiting him, but I am afraid that once he is out we will go back to being strangers. I really hope that we can get closer and become better friends, but I am worried that we are too different. I am a fairly boring person, I work and live without much drama. David needs more adventure and maybe even danger in his life. I just hope he has a little room for his plain vanilla sister!

Today is the last full day that I will be working on this project. I enjoy the process of this 4 times a year event, and I cringe at the idea of going back to the whole customer service thing full time starting next week. I hate it so much and I am looking so forward to going part time when the baby gets here. I really hope that this working from home thing happens soon, if so, I might be able to deal better with the whole hating my job thing. I hate being condescended to in every way. Instead of trusting us to do our jobs, we are constantly monitored and every possible "mistake" is pointed out. Everyone in that department is an adult (at the moment, that may change when people are hired for peak), and we all know how to do our jobs - I just hate it.

Today is going to be full of ups and downs I guess...