Aching for Exercise

I have a few more weeks until I can be cleared to be fully normal and recovered from the birth of Little-Smug and I am chomping at the bit to be able to incorporate exercise back into my daily schedule. I want to take daily walks with mom and the kids, I want to bike some, I want to start running on the treadmill and I want to try out the weekly mom's exercise group!!

I normally don't care much for exercise, but I think that not being allowed to do it makes me want to do it all the more! Also, I have gotten sick. I have had a nasty sore throat and horrible headache for several days and have now developed a runny nose and cough. I know that it is stress and lack of sleep and the overarching adjustment of new life that has lowered my immunity. I know that getting through the next few weeks and being cleared for normal activity will help me immensely.

My husband's mother is here visiting for the next several weeks and while she is a great help with both the stuff around the house and with the children, Smug-Baby's behavior has gotten a lot worse since MIL's arrival. I remember my mother complaining when I was a child that when we had company, us kids always took that opportunity to act up and act out and were just terrible and she lamented that people must believe that she was raising horribly behaved children when we were normally such good kids who were polite, helpful and nice to each other. I feel like Smug-Baby's behavior is about the same thing, she is testing me and Grandma to see what she can get away with. She is also working on her last molar and that has been horrible.

Little-Smug is VERY sensitive to dairy. I had some cheese on my eggs on Sunday and within a few hours he crying a lot, spitting up more and just very fussy. A few days later and he is still fussy and has developed a stuffed up nose and goopy eye. He may also be sensitive to soy, so I am working on making sure that I am cutting dairy out completely and soy as much as I can. I hate that he is feeling badly because I wasn't strong enough to say no to some cheese!!

We are heading out of town this weekend and it will be Little-Smug's first long trip but I hope that it will be worth it. It will be the first time the family will meet him and I am really looking forward to showing him off! My MIL will come with us and I know that everyone will love to see her and she will enjoy the colorful ways of my family!!

When we get back we will have about a week more of my MIL's visit and then once she has gone home and I am cleared for exercise, I will work on a daily and weekly schedule and start getting myself into a routine that makes me happy!!!

Stay at Home Mom

This is the 4th week of being the mother of two children and I finally feel like I am starting to get into a routine and things are settling down a bit. The days are still tough but more manageable. I am still feeling a little cooped up but getting out for story time, Melody Makers and a mommy's group this week have helped and I think that having things to do has given me more of a feeling of purpose. It has helped me to be more productive at home too.

Now that I have almost a month of post-natal recovery under my belt I feel more comfortable pushing myself a little bit and doing a little bit more. That has helped with my frustration level, which in turn has helped my level of patience with Smug-Baby.

Speaking of Smug-Baby, today she was playing in the tub and suddenly she grabbed her face and started screaming. I grabbed her and asked her to use my finger to show me where it hurt. She pointed to her cheek and I surmised that her last two-year molar is finally starting to cut through. She has done this, grabbing her face and screaming thing several times today and I feel so badly for her. I gave her some medicine to help and she is now napping. I wonder if this pain is why she hasn't been sleeping well and been so cranky.

Little-Smug is just amazing! He is so calm, rarely cries and has never had a total meltdown or scream-fest. He doesn't seem to mind that Smug-Baby covers him in kisses! He nurses well and sleeps well and even rides in his car seat well most of the time. I never thought Smug-Baby was a high-needs or difficult baby, but Little-Smug is SO much less work!! Nothing bothers this kid!!

As for me, I'm anxious to get back to full strength and full energy. I want to put together a workout plan, start walking with mom, biking with dad and maybe even starting a running regimen. Dad has a treadmill that is collecting dust in the garage and I think that I will ask about borrowing it for a while. I want to get into shape! I know that I have been struggling to do that all my life but I now have aches and pains I didn't have before, and I have two really small children that I need to keep up with, so I really need to get to a place physically where I can do that!

The Birth of my Son

I can't believe that it has been so long since I have posted, but a lot has happened and I have been under water trying to adjust. First things first, I had a baby!!

It was the morning of June 2 and at 4:14am I got up to pee. When I came back to bed and laid down, I felt a contraction. It was rather strong and more on the painful side than the other Braxton Hicks contractions had been and after it passed I felt sick to my stomach. I thought to myself that perhaps the pizza I had for dinner the night before wasn't agreeing with me. I headed back to the bathroom and even heaved a bit although nothing came up. I had two more of these nausea inducing contractions and by this time it was about 4:45. Smug-Baby woke up and came to sit on my lap (while I was still on the toilet mind you) and her moving around brought on another contraction. I pulled out my phone and timed them and I had two that were close to 10 minutes between them and then 4 minutes and then 7 minutes - sporadic to say the least. It was now 5am and I decided to get into the shower and see if that helped and I noticed bloody discharge. I called to Smug-Hub and asked him to call the midwife. He asked if I was sure I was in labor and I told him no. I got into the shower but almost immediately got out so I could talk to the midwife myself.

We decided that we should go on into the hospital and meet the midwife there since I knew I needed to be there at least 4 hours to get the antibiotics required because I tested positive for Group B. I called my Dad and told him to come over to watch Smug-Baby and then I got myself dressed, all the while it felt like the contractions were coming harder and closer together. I was still worried that I wasn't really in labor and just having a reaction to being sick to my stomach. Dad and my step-mom arrived just before 6am and Smug-Hub and I kissed Smug-Baby and headed to the hospital. By the time we were off the driveway I was sure I was in labor and Smug-Hub made the 7 minute drive in about 4 minutes, needing to run only one red light.

We called the midwife when we got off our drive way and it was 6:01, she was at the hospital and said she would let them know we were on the way. When we got there I limped myself to the desk and asked to use the bathroom. The midwife asked me why I thought I needed a bathroom and I told her that I felt like I was going to poop. She replied that the baby was coming and I remember thinking that I realized I was in labor but I still needed to poop!!

Someone brought a wheelchair and I laid myself sideways into it and tried to breathe through the now constant and very strong contractions. I couldn't seem to get ahead of them in order to focus my breathing and counting. They wheeled me into the elevator and I heard the midwife ask if they were able to deliver in the triage area, then I noticed I was being wheeled into a labor and delivery room instead. A nurse told me to get onto the bed so she could check me and she helped me with my shorts and laid down on my side again. Someone started an IV and I heard someone say "no cervix, bulging bag" I wondered if that meant she couldn't check dilation for some reason. Suddenly, my water broke and I remember feeling the gush of warm fluid and thinking that it as cool that I got to know what that felt like since I never remember my water breaking with Smug-Baby. Then I felt a burning, tightness and I started to scoot away from the doctor who I just knew was touching me and hurting me. She told me not to move away and it was only then I realized that my son's head was already coming out. I heard them say that the cord was wrapped twice, and I looked up to see her looping it over his head. Then my midwife told me to tuck my chin to my chest and push, I was still a little in shock that it was happening so fast because it took me a moment to comply. I guess I felt like they couldn't be serious or something. I only remember pushing once, maybe twice and then he was born!

The doctor suctioned him and he made a few little noises and then he was in my arms. I couldn't believe he was there and it was over! It was 6:19am!! He came so fast that he had a little bruising on his face, but wonder of wonders, I didn't tear at all! He was 9 pounds, 2 ounces!!

A nurse told me that my mom was there and could she come in, I said yes and when mom walked into the room, thinking that I was in labor, she say me holding my son and it was like a cartoon, her eyes bugged out and her jaw hit the floor. Smug-Hub got on the phone to ask Dad to bring Smug-Baby and got about the same reaction - after all we had just left the house less than 20 minutes earlier!!

We spent two days in the hospital because I had not had the time to receive the antibiotics and I spent the time nursing and bonding with my son. Smug-Hub spent most of that time with Smug-Baby making sure she was happy and had some one-on-one love too. Once home, we spent the first week bonding as a family. It was just what I had wanted, not a lot of visitors or company, just us getting to know each other.

Smug-Baby is head over heals in love with her brother and spends most of her days kissing him and holding him and talking or singing to him.



My days since getting home have been trying to rest and follow all the restrictions that I need to in order to recover fully and completely. It has been very hard since I don't really feel like I just had a baby! I feel totally fine!

It's been three weeks and I have three more to go until I can consider myself healed and able to resume doing everything I want to do and I am going to do my best not to push myself before then.

I am anxious to get into new routines and schedules and start adjusting fully to my new life as a mother of two.

As for my son, he is frickin' amazing! He is so calm and totally laid back. He rarely cries and seems to have a long fuse before getting upset. He sleeps well, nurses well and doesn't blink an eye when Smug-Baby has a meltdown and in crying and screaming right in his face. He has these amazing "wise" eyes and his jaw actually makes cracking sounds when he yawns. His hair is lighter than Smug-Baby's was when she was born and we can't tell what color his eyes are, they seem to be a hazel or lighter brown, not the deep chocolate like Smug-Baby. He is a totally different baby than she was and so relaxed it is just so cool!

I can hear him grunting a bit in his sleep now and that means he will be awake and wanting to poop and nurse and poop some more soon, so I will sign off. I will try to post more soon, but I'm not promising anything :)

Feeling Fed Up

I have been fuming for the past few days over a few things that have happened this week. I kept thinking that it was pregnancy hormones that were causing me to have such a reaction to things that I normally stay out of but since I haven't calmed down much, I guess I need to vent a little!

Firstly, Amendment 1 actually passed in North Carolina!!! WTF?!?!? I can't even believe it!! I think of NC as being a fairly progressive state and I think of people has being generally evolved when it comes to basic human rights. I was wrong apparently and even though I don't live in NC, it just galls me to think that this horrible thing actually got enough votes to pass.

Next, President Obama did an interview and stated his opinion that he is in favor of same-sex marriage. I personally feel like this wasn't a politically motivated move since our country appears to be very divided on the subject. However, as the news is sometimes on in my house, I hear that he is being called a flip-flopper since his views on the subject seem to have evolved over time or that this was done as a political move to help garner more votes in November or how the vice-president forced his hand with a "flub" where he said that he was in support of gay marriage and how he has just cost Obama his re-election.

I feel like anyone who is threatened by same-sex marriage must simply be mis-informed. How does it effect anyone if a gay couple gets married? How will my life change or be effected if a man and another man get married? Will my taxes go up? Will I lose any benefits at work? Will my children be harmed in ANY way? No to all the above! Love and marriage isn't owned by the Christian faith and since marriage began as a contract made by a man and a woman's father, it doesn't seem like keeping marriage to its original intent is something we should really strive for!! Marriage today is supposed to be about two people who love each other and want a public commitment and contact protecting them and their children. That is what marriage is and I really don't give a crap if it is a man and a woman, a man and another man or a woman and another woman - love is love people!!!

Lastly, have you seen the new cover of Time magazine? It shows a woman nursing her toddler who is somewhere between 3 and 4 years old. The picture shows the side of the woman's breast and other than that she is covered. There is talk that sellers of Time will have to cover the cover to protect people from seeing the side of a breast. There is talk that parents will have to explain this cover to their children. There is talk of how inappropriate is it to nurse an older child. All this talk stems from the sexualizing of breasts in our society. Now, I will grant you that breasts are lovely, I certainly have on occasion worn something to reveal and enhance my breasts to get some attention, but sex is not what a woman's breasts are for (neither is the whole woman for that matter!) they are on our bodies to feed and nourish our children. Period!!

I am simply amazed at all the Facebook comments condemning a woman for feeding her child. Comments about how nursing shouldn't be done in public (because nursing is somehow a sex act?), how nursing should be discontinued when the child has teeth, or reaches a certain age, or my favorite - can "ask" for it. I think that this one is the most ignorant of them all. Babies know that they want/need to nurse from the moment of birth!!! They can scoot and root and find the breast all on the own when placed on a mother's belly immediately following birth. They "ask" for it when they cry, whimper, root around and nozzle. As they get older, they will begin to "ask" for it, by pointing or touching and as verbal skills improve they will come up with a word or sound that lets their mother's know that they are "asking" to nurse. So, when exactly, are these people suggesting that nursing cease??

I seem to have unknowingly surrounded myself with people who are fairly open minded and evolved so I was really shocked to see how many people are still so ignorant about children and their proper development!

Look around at the world, full of people who have anxiety disorders, eating disorders, relationship issues, obesity and all the other problems that plague our world. You don't think that how they were treated in infancy has anything to do with these issues? How can the first lesson you learned in life about how not to trust your parents because when you cried, they left you alone and scared, not effect your life?

Babies are not little aliens, they are human beings that will grow into adults. Why are they given any less consideration than anyone else? You can't raise a person who has good feelings of self worth when you treat them like their feelings aren't important. You can't raise a woman to know that it is never OK for her husband to beat on her when her own parents instilled in her as a child that there was a time and place when getting hit was OK!! You can't raise a person who feels strongly about equal human rights, when they as a child had none!!

OK, I am done ranting!! I just needed to get all that off my chest!!!

Life At Home

I don't have this staying home stuff figured out yet and it is bugging me. When I was working I had this whole routine and everything got done, but now I feel like I am floundering a bit. It should be like a regular day once 10am rolls around and since I am sleeping until 7 or 8 in the mornings and by the time showers and breakfast are done it is 10, but I find myself thinking about things that need to get done when I am say, laying in bed the night before and then not thinking about them again until the next night as I am going to bed.

I am not remembering to drink my water as regularly, I am not remembering that I wanted to work on say diapers today until its too late. I need to do things that I normally did before but I somehow forget about them, like I was blogging at night and posting first thing in the morning, now I am blogging and posting in the middle of the day while Smug-Baby is napping, but I forget to catch up on my reader at the same time. It should be routine right? Blog and reader at the same time, just like before, but I forget!

I have found the time to watch most of what is on the DVR and other than that my days are just kind of floating along. I have things that I need to do, places I need to go, but I just don't feel like doing any of it or I simply forget that I need to do whatever it is.

It has been super hot in my house the last few days and I finally broke down and turned on the AC yesterday and it took until this morning for the house to cool down. Perhaps I am feeling so lethargic because I have been dripping sweat constantly for the last few days! Maybe now that the house is feeling more comfortable, I will get myself back into the right frame of mind and get some things done!!

Maybe this is a normal part of adjusting to not having a job, maybe it is normal to spend some time decompressing from one chapter in life before fully starting another.

 Maybe I am just huge and doing anything, like something as simply as picking up ant traps from Lowes seems like a major ordeal!

The weekend is going to full of fun things and I am looking forward to the Girl's Night Out with friends on Friday, so maybe I just need to give myself this week to veg out a bit and work on creating a new schedule for next week! Maybe I should just have some pizza and ice cream and watch soap opera's today and leave the washing of diapers until next week :)

Divine Order

I have been struggling with something as this pregnancy draws ever closer to being complete. I truly believe that everything that happens in life happens for a reason and even the "bad" things that happen happen to bring a person to a better place. Meaning that even bad stuff happens for good reasons and if you look for it you can see the reason, the good in what happened.

I have been thinking a lot about Smug-Baby's birth and all the fear and pain and struggles we went through t get her home. I have fears that something bad will happen surrounding Little-Smug's birth too. I feel like I can't find the good in what happened with her birth and I don't look back at it and say "I learned..." or that by going through that with her made Smug-Hub and I stronger or that we appreciate her more than we would have.

I am afraid that perhaps I didn't learn what I should have learned for her situation and therefore I still have that lesson to learn and will be given an opportunity to learn it again by something bad happening with my son's birth.

I talked all this over with mom and she said that if nothing else, I learned that I could do hard. I had this horrible thing happen in my life, to my precious child, and I survived... we all did. We lived and we made good, strong decisions for our child and she not only got better, she thrives and is super strong and amazingly smart with no lasting effects (as far as we can tell) from having gone through what she did.

I don't want something to go wrong with my son's birth and I want his birth to be perfect, but if something does go wrong and we are thrust into another horrible situation, we will survive it and we will be stronger because if it.

I believe in divine order and that everything in life happens for a reason and I trust in that.

Life of Leisure!

So, here I am! A stay at home mom without a care in the world! A "kept-woman"! Living a life of leisure! OK, so totally NOT!!!!

I am sitting here blogging while Smug-Baby is napping. Blogging you say? Not napping myself? What is up?!?!? Well, I have been sleeping tell about 6:30 or 7 in the mornings so I am not nearly as beat by noon as I once was and I have less need for a nap. I spent yesterday's nap filing out all the online unemployment stuff and boy was that complicated! I hope that I don't screw it up!

I also spent my first day of unemployment doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, working on diapers (finally finished refreshing all of them, so I just need to strip and wash them really well and they will be all ready for the little man). I also made a nice dinner and had the house looking all straight by the time we all went to bed.

Today, we have been to story time at the library and I have finished up some computer work and am blogging before lunch and a walk before the rain hits.

I only need to collect the trash and recycling and make dinner the rest of the day. I feel pretty good about things!

While I still have lots to do to get ready for the baby, I feel like by not getting up so early and going to work that I will have the energy to tackle them. It is very strange to me that something as small as just sleeping an hour or two more in the morning has already made such a difference in my energy level.

OK, I have to get back to eating bon bon's and watching trashy TV - just kidding :)