Rollin', Rollin', Rollin

This was an amazing weekend! Smug-Baby
rolled over from her back to her stomach for the first time on Saturday (June 12, 2010). I spent some time shopping with a friend on Friday and her son is rolling over and scooting around a bit and I told her that I felt that Smug-Baby was really close to rolling over and it would probably be very soon.

Well, I took her to a mom and baby yoga class on Saturday afternoon and she was lying next to this other baby and they were checking each other out and Smug-Baby
rolled onto her side, which she has been doing for a week or so. Then she and this other baby grabbed hands and both tried to her the others hand into their respective mouths. This created something for Smug-Baby to pull on and she flipped over onto her stomach. The other few mothers, the teacher of the class and I all clapped and whooped (scaring the one poor baby boy in the class). I had my phone handy and had been snapping shots of their interaction, so I was able to catch most of the action!

Then during the class, I had her in between my spread legs while stretching and she rolled herself over again! After the class, I took her to my dad’s place where Smug-Hub and he were watching the USA vs. England World Cup game. I put her on a blanket on the floor and she flipped right over again!

Sunday she kept rolling over but got frustrated as she has apparently forgotten how to pull her arm out from under her body once she is on her stomach. I also think that she is either having a growth spurt, teething a bit, or both as she spent Sunday nursing, chewing on my hands and sleeping.

All in all, it was a wonderful weekend. Dad and I took Smug-Baby on a bike ride Saturday morning (us on bikes, her in a trailer…sleeping). Then we all went to breakfast and met up with Smug-Sister. We also walked around a bit downtown at the market. Then there was the yoga class and more time with family. Sunday was relaxed with just a bit of time spent cleaning out some of Smug-Baby ’s things that she no longer has use for and passing it on to Smug-Sister and others. We watched the World cup games and made a run to the grocery store. Not overly exciting Sunday, but nice all the same. Again, I am so grateful for my life and all my blessings!

The best start to a day ever!!

It was so sweet this morning, Smug-Hub's hose fell out of his CPAP mask about 4 and since I have to get up at 4:30, I was already starting to wake up a bit. Anyway, the sound woke Smug-Baby and I knew when she woke, but I kept my eyes closed. I could hear and feel her moving around a bit and then I felt her little hand reach up and touch my face. I opened my eyes and looked down at her, she had her head all tilted back and her arm stretched up and was touching my face and looking at me. When we made eye contact, her whole face lit up with this huge grin! I smiled and gathered her close to my body and held her and kissed her whole face! It was the best way to wake up!!

She is changing in small ways every day and while there is so much that I am looking forward to as she grows, I am really trying to cherish this time too. She has started to be able to get her toes up high and she grabs them with her little hands and, of course, brings them right into her mouth! It is so cute to watch. She is also starting to bite and gnaw on my finger when she can get a hold of it, so I feel like teething is in our near future.

I think all the time about the kind of person she will be. Smug-Hub likes to say what she will be like and that bothers me, I like to imagine what she can be and allow her to develop into her own personality without expectations. I think that he is just thinking his own thoughts in his way, but I hate when he says “She will be kind” or “She will play soccer” I personally want to see what she becomes without pressure from me to become what I want her to be.

I think that she is a really secure baby. She can wake up from a nap, where I have laid her in her seat or on the bed and not be scared, she knows that she is safe and I’m close at hand. She sometimes will cry out a bit when she can’t see me and then she is calm and waits for my face to appear and to hear my voice. This isn’t to say that she is never upset or never wakes crying, but it is rare.
I don’t think of her as this alien baby, I think about her as a person; how would I feel if I were helpless, counting on others to fulfill my needs and understand what I was going through. I want her to always feel safe and secure and know that I am doing everything I can to make sure she is safe and happy.

Rough Night

So we had our first really rough night last night, baby girl had been fussy and gassy all day and when it was time for sleep, she was not interested. Finally at 9:45, I asked Smug-Hub to take her and see if he could get her to sleep and let me go on to bed. I thought this was reasonable since I have to get up at 4:30 and he could sleep in. I actually had to wake him to ask this since he had, as usual, fallen asleep on the couch. He suggested that we all go to bed together and see if she would fall asleep. This royally pissed me off and here’s why. If we all went to bed, I would be nursing a totally awake baby, thus I would be totally awake and he would fall asleep and start snoring within about 37 seconds.

This was his way of trying to get out of baby duty and I was none too pleased about it. So, he finally took over and I went to bed. He brought her to me, asleep, about 10:15 (I’d been asleep for about 7 minutes) and she promptly woke up. I also give him the credit for this as he kept making noise – pouring water into his CPAP machine, talking to me, etc., and then said that I should nurse and see if she would fall back asleep. So I did, she was not interested in sleeping and the more I forced the boob on her the more she drank, resulting in a nice big throwing up session all over the bed… my side of the bed. Meanwhile, Smug-Hub just looks at me! That’s right, the bed, the baby and I are all covered in puke and he is laying there trying to sleep. I lost my temper a bit and told him to take her and change her and get her back to sleep! It was his turn!!

He brought her back to bed about midnight (I slept about an hour, but kept waking when she would cry) and she slept without further incident until I got up at 4:30 for work (so, that is a total of… 5 hours and 37 minutes of constantly interrupted sleep for me). As soon as I left the bed she woke up so I went back and nursed her back to sleep. I feel that she may have stayed asleep if Smug-Hub had not turned off the CPAP so he could hear her and then promptly fell back asleep and began snoring to beat the band! Anyway, I nursed her until she fell back asleep and then went to shower. When I got out I could hear her up and Smug-Hub was bouncing her; she was awake but calm.

I completed getting ready for work and then nursed her again until time to leave for work and when I left, they were both sleeping. I hope that she sleeps a good long time this morning and Smug-Hub is able to rest. I would like him to understand that I don’t have the option of sleeping in; I have to go to work at that time of the morning without fail. I hope that he can understand that the boob is not the answer for everything and he is capable of getting her to sleep (he does in the mornings when I’m not there so…) and that he should take the night shift so I can be rested for work.

I do have the ability to take a nap when she does during the day, if she sleeps and if there isn’t anything else I have to do. Today, I am getting Will off the bus at 2pm, so if she sleeps between 11 and 1:30, then I can nap too, but if not…

I just want Smug-Hub to do his part and most of the time he does, but when he is tired, he doesn’t really care about doing for others. He is tired and falls asleep on the couch most evenings right after dinner. He does this because he stays up watching TV until 1 or 2 in the morning most nights then gets up and works all day, and then comes home, eats a meal and falls asleep. Then he wakes up about 9:30, when Smug-Baby and I are generally going to bed. This means he feels refreshed and able to stay up. Sunday night he stayed up until almost 3 and then when I left for work Monday morning, Smug-Baby did not sleep long, so he was up with her – his own fault. When he got home last night he was really beat. I get it, but this could have been avoided if he had gone to bed at a decent hour Sunday night. Then he would not have been so tired last night and been able to be better help to me.

OK, done ranting! He really does more than a lot of fathers I know, so I really shouldn't complain too much. He loves me and Smug-Baby
and did finally step up last night. I guess I feel guilty that he was so tired and I made him stay up and take baby duty so I could sleep. Even though I know it was the right thing for him to do, I feel guilty taking from others for myself. I feel guilty trying to sleep while someone else suffers.

Mother’s Day – The First of Many!

First it is important to know that I was feeling very bitter about Mother’s Day. This would be my first, the day I have been waiting my whole life to celebrate! The reason behind this was that my husband had to be out of town for work. While I was initially disappointed, I understood that the company was forcing him to work and that was that. Then, later, I found out that he could have canceled and chose not to. He kept saying things like “it’s not a big deal” and “the company is paying me to fish – to do my passion” and “there will be lots of Mother’s Day’s” and “we can just do Mother’s Day on Friday or the next weekend”

He seemed incapable of understanding how important this day was to me and how you don’t get a second first! So, I dropped the subject but deep down I felt like a part of my love for him was dying. How could I have married someone who did not have a clue and worse did not seem to care that this was so important to me – even if he didn’t think it was.

Then a few days ago, he came to me and told me that he had been thinking about it and that you don’t get a second first, so he was going to come home early on Sunday to spend Mother’s Day with Smug-Baby and I.

I got up Saturday morning after spending some time in bed with my sweet baby girl and found that when he had left earlier that morning, he had placed a dozen white roses in a vase on the table for me. I knew that he had finally realized how special this day was to me.

Sunday morning, Smug-Baby slept really long – like 9 hours long!! Then we got up and got dressed and headed out to find a baptism gift my friend, Jenna, who was having her baby, Toren, baptized that morning. I chose some board books, like “Goodnight Moon” and others for him. Then Smug-Baby
and I headed out to their church. They had rocking chairs set up in the back of the church for mothers with babies, so my friend Kelly and I sat there and nursed and rocked our babies throughout the service.

The service was very nice and when it was over I gave her my gift and took my leave. I then headed to my mom’s and presented her with the coasters I’d made with Smug-Baby’s footprints on them and a shawl. We talked a bit and took a tour of her garden before I left to go meet Smug-Hub.

We met at my favorite Indian restaurant who was having a special Mother’s Day buffet and I don’t think that they were expecting such a large turnout because as soon as they brought out more food, plates, bowls, etc. they were snatched up by the hungry masses J We ate ourselves silly and Smug-Baby was very good, just sitting on one of our laps and watching the people go by.

After that we came home and Smug-Hub gave me a sweet card and pair of earrings, little hoops with an amethyst in between two diamonds. They are really special and something I can pass down to Smug-Baby
when she is older.

We spent the rest of the day relaxing and getting ready for work the next day. It was a wonderful, lovely day and I am so blessed to have such an amazing family!!

Alexander's Not The Only One...

So, today is turning into a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (did you ever read that book?). Anyway, it started out with Smug-Baby being awake and wanting to nurse all night long. She was very restless, which in turn kept waking me up to hook her back on. When I got ready to get into the shower, she was asleep, but not deeply and I could hear her screaming from the shower. Her dad tried everything, but she simply wanted to nurse, so I jumped back in bed and tried to get her fed and back to sleep. She nursed and started to fall back asleep, but instead projected spit up all over herself, me, the bed and her dad!

Then, on the way into work, I stopped to get gas in the truck for Smug-Hub; I thought it would be a nice little gesture of love, one less thing for him to do, etc. Well, I haven’t put gas in the truck before and I was a little far from the pump, once I got the gas pumping and the little leaver in place to keep the gas pumping, I was going to wash the windshield, so I went to step over the gas line, caught my foot on the black rubber hose and ripped the pump out of the tank, and sprayed gas all over everything! All over the truck, the pavement and me!

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I sprayed gas all over my clothes, in my hair, in my eye, up my nose and in my mouth! Please, no one light a match!! My eye was burning (and still is actually), while I completed the task of putting the gas actually into the truck and went on into work. I was only 1 minute from the office and 20 minutes from home. I washed my face and flushed my eye with water. There wasn’t much I could do about my clothes, so I called Smug-Hub and asked him to bring me some more, and the smell is better, but it is still in my hair so I can’t get rid of it completely.

Once that was under control, I decided to make some breakfast and proceeded to overflow my oatmeal all over the microwave. This has a two-fold result, the first being a messy clean up and the second, it leaves me will very little actual oatmeal to consume, thus leaving me hungry and not a little bit cranky.

I got up to shower and 4:30 this morning when this day from hell began and it is only 6:45am now!! Oh God – I have a lot more hours left in this day, please help me to not kill or maim anyone else or myself!!

First Week – Second Half

Well, both Wednesday and Thursday were great! Smug-Hub and Smug-Baby are getting more and more comfortable with each other. I have even noticed a difference in how they interact in the evenings when he gets home from work. He is more confident in his ability to make her happy and do stuff with her. In the past, if he needed to do something he would pass her on to me while he did it. Last night, he put her in the baby carrier and went out and watered the plants in the front yard while I cleaned up the kitchen.

She is such a joy! She sleeps well and eats well and grins all the time. We are so lucky to have been blessed with her, she is wonderful!

Mom made a comment that she would never have thought that I would end up living on a dirt road and being an earth mama. I guess that she meant that while I was growing up and in my young adult hood I was a city girl and for me to live on a dirt road was a departure, however, what I wanted and still do want is the convenience of living in the city – which we do. Everything in the whole city is no more than 15 minutes away and we have a bank, grocery store, dry cleaner, hospital and several restaurants within 5 minutes from us. I am still a city girl!

As for the earth mama bit, I am going to have to ask her about that. Yes, I am baby wearing and using cloth diapers, but those things are on the rise and a lot of people do both those things. What in my personality made her think that I would be “mainstream” and use a stroller or disposables?

Food for thought I guess…

First Part of the Week - First Week Back to Work

Monday went about as perfect as it could have gone. I worked 4 hours, getting started on my quarterly project and catching up on e-mails. Smug-Hub said that Smug-Baby was mostly fine, however, she would not take the bottle or the pacifier, but he was able to shower and get to work to meet me on time. I spent a lovely day with her, nursing mostly and we both took a nice nap. I was also able to fold a load of laundry, do a load of diapers, clean the kitchen, and make dinner.

I also went to visit my mom and sister who had just gotten back into town from our cousin’s wedding in Florida and picked up a few things at the grocery store. I also packed Smug-Hub’s lunch and my breakfast for Tuesday! I felt very productive and like super-woman! I can have it all!!

Tuesday was no so good for Smug-Baby and Smug-Hub; she cried a lot and still would not take the bottle or pacifier. He called me a couple of times for ideas and now wants to try the Sleepy Time wrap and Ring Sling as she really likes them. The thing is, he wants to sit and hold her watch TV or drink coffee, but she wants to be up and moving. She has little baby ADHD and loses interest in everything quickly. While I can put her in the wrap and do housework, laundry, wash dishes, go for a walk, whatever – he has more issues. Also, I can hook her up to a boob and watch TV, again, not an option for him J

Tuesday after work, I took her right home and she nursed and slept and nursed more and slept more and I just took it easy. Napping and watching TV while holding her. I was less productive, but there wasn’t much that needed to be done, so it was fine. When Smug-Hub got home we ate dinner and then he practiced with the wrap while I cleaned up the kitchen. Then I jumped in the shower with her as she had done a lot of spitting up and was starting to smell a bit sour! Then I got her to fall asleep right on schedule at 9:30, but when I went to the bedroom and tried to lay her down next to me, rather than on top of me (the normal routine), she woke up. She was wide awake and wanted to play.

She stayed up until almost midnight, but while she was playing it was so cool. She was cooing and talking and grinning and looking at us and it was so sweet!

It was less cute this morning at 4:30 when the alarm went off and I ended up oversleeping a bit. I got up at 4:51, which left me 9 minutes to get ready for work (thank God I packed the food and pump and stuff the night before)! I did it and was still able to let her nurse the full 25 minutes. I changed her diaper and nursed her until she fell back asleep. I have not talked to Smug-Hub this morning, so I don’t know how long she was able (or him) to sleep, but I hope they had a better morning.

Today after work, I need to get with my mom and show her how to use the wrap, sling and car seat, since she is going to be my extra help on Friday’s. See, I may have to work later than 10am on Friday’s to process checks and Mom is going to help out. Other than that I need to wash diapers, and spend the day holding, squeezing and loving my sweet baby girl!