Friday, October 30, 2009


The Finances are currently weighing heavily on my mind. With a new baby on the way my thoughts are increasing filled with all the things I want to do with my baby once she is here. This brings up visions of play dates, fresh baked bread, crafts - all the things that were part of my childhood with my stay-at-home mother. I keep thinking that I can/will work at least part time and be able to spend most of my time raising my daughter.

I have been feeling like something, some opportunity will present itself and worst case scenario, I will keep the job that I have and but back to part time, this will involve continuing to get up at 4:30 in the morning (or earlier to nurse before I leave) and work 6am-10am, them meet my husband with the baby so he can work 10am-6pm.

While this is a workable situation and will allow us the funds we need to keep functioning, it is far from ideal and the more I think about it and the closer I get to having my baby the more I am dreading the thought of coming back and trying to work outside the home.

So, what are my choices? I could start selling something, Pampered Chef, Mary Kay, Tupperware, etc. or what? My skills lie in my ability to type, organize, handle multiple administrative tasks and the like. I am not interested in selling make-up or making cold calls trying to sell crap to people who don't need or want it. I want to use my own skills and strengths to make some extra money without being tied to set hours, another location or anything else that limits or restricts time with this child I have been wanting for so long!!

I have thought about trying to make some contacts with others who may need after school care for their older children and this might really work for me, except that I don't know how to get started. Older children would be great, they can do their homework and play with each other, while I keep them safe and concentrate on my infant. Again, not sure how I would go about finding people who need this service and if I did, why would they trust me?? They don't know me!

I also think that typing up reports or files would be something that I could do, something that would allow me to work when the baby is napping or when my husband is home. This would be something that I could work on when it suited me and as long as I met whatever deadline was needed by whoever hired me to do this everything would be great! Again, not sure how to make this happen or where to start.

The other side of this is to see what cuts we can make in our spending to decrease the amount of money each month is needed from me. When I look at the bills, we have about $1500 in credit card debt and pay about $100 each month. My desire is to work hard to pay this off before the baby comes, so there is $100 cut from the bills. We also have a gym membership that is $60 a month and we will be canceling that as soon as the contract is up in April 2010, so that will save us another $60 a month. We are members of NetFlix ($9) and LifeLock($9), which can be canceled and that would save us $18 a month - what are we up to?? $178 a month saved.
What's next? We have our mortgage, water bill, electric, phones, car payment, car insurance that are not flexible and with the way that the electric bill has increase 150% in less than 2 years I can't imagine any of those bills are going to do anything but go up!

Lastly, we have our investments, we invest $50 a month in a money market (emergency fund) and $100 a month into a Roth IRA. Now, I could stop contributing to those for a while and save us another $150.00 - bringing the total I can cut from the budget to $328. Now, if I cut down on the food budget and I am not driving as much, and can cut my gas budget, we may be able to squeeze another $100 a month in savings.. maybe!

Now, with all that saving and my husbands current salary, I will still need to bring home about $300 a week to make all the ends meet. That is with nothing extra, no medical bills, no vacations, no Christmas gifts, nothing extra!! Nothing!!

How did our society get to the point where a family is unable to get by on one income? We do not have an extravagant home, or expensive cars, we don't carry a lot of debt or eat out all the time. About our only splurge is our cable TV and even if we cut that off, it would only save us less than $30 a week (and the cable includes the Internet).

The best option would be to have 3 older kids that I pick up from school and watch until their parents get off work. If I charged $100 a week per child, then 3-4 kids would be enough. I guess I am just going to have to pray that I run into people who need child care or some other opportunity presents itself.

I am going to plan on coming back to my company in at least a part time fashion, but I am going to hope and pray that something happens that will allow me to stay home. I just don't know if I can leave my baby.

Any thoughts? Tips? Helpful advice??

Friday, October 23, 2009

24 Weeks and HUGE!!

I am officially 24 weeks pregnant today and weighed in at 198 pounds - YIKES!!! I know that this is only about a 15 pound gain, but being two-hundo is making me slightly nutso!
I have been reading everything I can get my hands on about pregnancy, childbirth, parenting and the like. I had this big plan when I finished my MBA to catch up on all my reading for fun but that does not really seem to be happening.

The reason for this is that I really do want to read about being the best mother and making really good decisions for my baby but also, since the bookshelves are still not built, all my books are still packed up. I have managed to listen to a few on CD and read a bit of something fun before bed, but mostly my head is full of organic baby food, cloth diapers and breastfeeding!
I have said it before, but I really feel strongly that people should make informed and conscious decisions regarding their children. I don't care if you want to use disposable or cloth diapers, breastfeed or bottle feed, home school or public school; just as long as the decision is made on purpose and not "just because".

I always find it funny to watch people's faces when I ask them about why they chose something, like how they decided to send their child to public school. They often look at me like I am nuts! Of course, they would send their child to public school, what else would they do?? It takes them a moment to process that there are other options they could have (perhaps should have) considered.

On the other hand, there are those people out there who get very upset if your choices differ from theirs. It is some kind of personal insult or dig at their parenting if you decide to do something differently and I can't stand that attitude either! I guess that I simply want others to be like me (perfect! Just kidding), and let me make my own decisions.

We have a doctor appointment this afternoon with another ultrasound scheduled to check on the Previa. I am excited to have this check up and be cleared for sex! I had no sex drive for the first part of my pregnancy, but now that I can't have it - I really want it!! My husband is starting to climb the walls a bit too, so I am looking forward to this weekend! I am sure that everything will be fine and we will be able to spend the weekend doing whatever we want! There is a reason there is nothing important on the schedule this weekend! Also, I even shaved my legs!! This is becoming a hard task to do and still breathe, so I have been putting it off longer and longer between shaves… did we just cross that line of how well you need to know me???

I am working in Finance this week and next on a special project and it has given me time to think about what I want to do with my time once the baby is born and I am starting to feel a bit sad at the prospect of working at all. The pumping and being away from Smug-Baby is going to suck ass, and I will not be bringing in that much money working part time. It does not look like the working from home option is going to pan out with my current company, so I have been looking at other options, but this crap economy is not helping matters at all.

I don't want to sell make up or anything like that - I don't really want to sell anything! I want to do what I am good at, which is the admin stuff, reports, Power Points, stuff like that. I am sure that it will all work out, but it would be much better if I could just win the lottery or something… I guess never purchasing a ticket does cut down on my chances somewhat, but not by too much I figure!!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Funny and Odd Little Story

Since I was so sick during the first part of my pregnancy I almost totally stopped working out at all. I did the occasional bike ride or walk, but nothing regularly or consistently or organized in an effort to stay in /get into better shape.

Well, I am almost finished with the second part of my pregnancy and even though I have been feeling more normal for a while now, I have not been able to get back into the swing of regular exercise and now I am starting to feel the effects of this lethargy taking it's toll on me.

I am more tired now than I was in the beginning and it is getting harder to get myself up from a sitting or lying position. I tend to get out of breath easily - like when walking up one (yes, just one) flight of stairs. I also have not had a cold or upper respiratory infection in several years, and I am currently still getting over a head cold. Anyway, I need to do something to get myself moving again.

I heard about a prenatal yoga class that was being held last night and would be weekly on Monday nights which are great for me, so I signed up!

I ended up having trouble finding the place and got there about five minutes late, but it was fine. The instructor was really great and had a lovely calming presence. We worked on releasing our hips mostly and ended with deep relaxation and meditation. I was feeling calm and energized as I left the studio.

When I came out the door this little old man who had to be about 75 was walking by. He stopped and made eye contact with me and asked if that was a yoga studio. When I told him it was, he said that he might like to take a class. I told him that the instructor was still up there, but that this was my first class and I did not know about the styles or schedule or costs or anything. He asked what class I had taken and I told him that it was the prenatal class. He looked at me without comprehension so I quickly added that it was for pregnant moms.

He said "Oh, well I hope you have a husband out there somewhere, I am old fashioned and I don't believe in a woman having a baby without being married" I replied that I had been married for a couple of years now and this was my first child. Then I wished him a good night and hopped quickly into my car and locked the doors.

I mostly find this to be funny, as I, even in my lethargic, lazy currently state could have easily taken grandpa down if he had posed a threat. But, there is a slightly creepy factor to consider - who talks to someone like this? I thought later that I could have said that my husband had been killed in Iraq or murdered in a mugging or something else that would have made him feel badly for bringing it up.

Also, what was he hoping to accomplish if I was a single mother? Was I supposed to "repent" my sinful ways and find a man real fast or something?? Oh well, I did actually just laugh about it, but my husband as now decided that I should not talk to strangers. Period. Ever. Which I also find funny. I also find it sweet how protective of me and our daughter he is! I am constantly reminded how lucky I am to have him. I love my life!!

Next up? Get my increasingly large ass to gym at least once this week! Let's see if I can manage it...

Sunday, October 18, 2009


My family has had about the worst week possible. Last Thursday Smug-Sister woke up in the middle of the night unable to use the bathroom and having massive pain. Her husband took her to the ER and they ended up sitting in the empty ER for about three hours before giving up on getting seen and left. Later that Thursday she went to see her primary care doctor and after explaining the symptoms, was told she probably had IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), she was given some pills for pain and sent home.

She spent the next few days and the weekend dealing with the pain as best she could, remarking that the pills seemed to have little or no effect. On Monday, her step-son was sick and she has so many meetings (she works from home) that she felt she would not be able to care properly for him. She drove him to his grandmother's home (her mother-in law). When she was there, she noticed that the pains were worse and she went to the bathroom to see if she could go and thus relieve some of the pain. While there she passed out and when she came to she was vomiting and her mother-in-law was breaking down the door to get to her.

Her husband's aunt was there and drove Smug-Sister to the doctor's office while her Mother-in-law stayed with the sick child. Smug-Sister passed out again on the drive to the doctors office and again before they could get her in the office. The doctor came out to the car and took a quick look at her and immediately called an ambulance. The family was called and we all met up at the hospital to be with her and her husband.

Her blood pressure was 80/44 and an ultrasound revealed an ectopic pregnancy that had caused her fallopian tube to rupture and she was bleeding internally. They rushed her into emergency surgery to stop the bleeding and remove the ruptured tube. Smug-Sister almost died. She was dying for a week and the ER and her doctor did not care enough to do a quick ultrasound and figure out what was really going on.

Here is the thing, she did not really think that this was baby related, but she is not a doctor and they should have found this problem FIVE days before!! While they would not have been able to save her pregnancy, they would have been able to save her tube and keep her from filling up with puss, blood and fluid!!

She and her husband are understandably devastated and she is dealing with so much pain both physical and emotional. I don't know how to help her and I feel like my being pregnant will be like throwing her loss in her face. I did talk to her about it and we figure that we will just need to take it a day at a time. I know that when I lost my baby it was painful to see strangers that were pregnant or had little babies and at the same time I did not want people to treat me like I was broken.

She told me that she is happy to be becoming an aunt and does not want me to feel like I can't talk to her about what is going on with me and Smug-Baby. I just want to help her and not hurt her further.

Monday, October 12, 2009

No More Belly Button…

Well it is about to happen anyway, my belly button is getting flatter and flatter and my tummy is getting rounder and rounder! I need to find some software or a download that will let me create a morphing slide show of all my belly pictures so you can see how much I have changed! When I look in the mirror at night or in the morning when getting dressed, I am amazed by how little my body has changed, I feel like I look exactly the same as I did before I got pregnant and then I pull out those belly pictures and it’s like HOLY SHIT! I AM TOTALLY HUGE!!!!

People are really starting to comment about how I have popped out and even about how my boobs have gotten bigger. I actually think it is funny, but I can tell there may come a time where I will get more sensitive about my size and not appreciate people telling me that I am as big as a house!

We spent my birthday weekend up near Richmond visiting with my aunt and uncle. My cousin who is about 23 has a 2 ½ year old little girl and she is just about the sweetest child on the planet (until mine gets here of course). Anyway, my cousin has saved every bit of her baby and little child stuff for me. She somehow just knew that I was going to be the next to have a baby and that it would be a girl, so she saved everything! There are huge black trash bags full of stuffed animals, toys and clothes. There are still more large zip lock bags of socks, bibs hats, and the like. There are seats and swings, walkers and bouncy things. There are boxes upon boxes of clothes! We packed my dad’s Jeep Grand Cherokee from the fold down back seat to the back of the vehicle all the way to the roof, and my Jetta with the seats folded down all the way to the roof and filled the trunk. We barely had room to fit our luggage and ourselves to get home. You should see my dining room – it is not usable, it is totally full!! I am really looking forward to going though it all!

My cousin’s little girl developed a huge attachment to my husband and was very upset to see him leave. I was so warmed by how sweet he was with her and how much she loved him. He kept looking up at me while playing on the floor with her and saying how he could not wait to do the same with our daughter. My only experience with girls for any amount of time is my other cousin’s child, who is, well, a brat. She is pushy and bossy and demanding and that was the only thought I could conjure up when I thought about having a girl. This actually makes me ashamed of my thoughts, firstly because I should know that my child will not be like anyone else’s child, she will be her own person. Secondly, that I call this other little child a brat, brats are not born they are made and it is not her fault that her family has taught her to behave this way. Regardless, spending time with this sweet child over the weekend has really helped to relieve some of those nagging fears about having a girl over a boy.

Smug-Hub gave me a Timex watch that is water resistant, shows the date and lights up for my birthday. Dad and Smug-StepMom gave me a Visa Gift card (I know just what I am going to use it on – more baby stuff!!). My aunt also made this incredible cake and gave me a little pink sweater and blanket that I feel like will be part of Smug-Baby’s coming home outfit. It was a great day and a great weekend!

This week the plan is to get the nursery painted. It is all ready to go, holes patched, everything sanded, taped up, etc. I think that I am going to try to get the ceiling done today after work. Mom said she would come over and help if she was feeling up to it.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Sore and Happy with a Touch of Sad

I cleaned my house this weekend and as a result, I am sore. My muscles ache and I feel like I have been though a touch workout. This has reinforced my belief that I have totally let myself go and I need to get back into shape!

It is really nice to have the whole house cleaned and aired out. I shook rugs, dusted, vacuumed, mopped, scrubbed the tub, toilet and sink, I did 4 loads of laundry, changed the sheets on the bed, and washed dishes. I also moved all the miscellaneous furniture out of the nursery to get ready for painting this week.

We registered for our baby stuff Saturday which was so much fun, but a little overwhelming as there is so much out there and you start thinking things like “do I need a mesh seat for the little bath thing, oh god, I have no idea how to bathe a baby, what the hell was I thinking, I can’t have a baby, holy crap! What the hell am I going to do???” Then you calm down and tell yourself that everything is going to be fine and you will figure it out and move on to the next aisle of baby stuff and have the same exact conversation in your head when you see the baby monitors!!

I really love the bedding set that we picked out! It is called Julia and we found it at Baby Depot, here is a picture:

I just love it and we registered for everything in the picture! We want all the coordinating pieces and actually, Smug-Hub got to the store before I did and had it all picked out. I loved it right away, but we looked closely at everything else they had to offer before making the call that yes, this was the one! I have also discovered that Smug-Hub is totally stoked about having a girl. He now believes that everything we get for her MUST be pink! So we have registered for a pink portable changing pad, a pink diaper bag, a pink cover thing for the car seat to keep her warm, and little pink socks!

We are going this weekend to my aunt’s place to pick up all the stuff that she and my cousin have been saving for me, so we may pull some items off the registry or add more after that depending on what she gives us. I also think that we are going to start getting some of the bigger items ourselves like the crib as we have money saved for them. I figure this way, people know what we need, but we are not waiting until the last minute to realize that no one is getting up a changing table or whatever.

We had a couple, Nikki and Jason over for dinner last night and found out that they are expecting their second child in mid May. Also, Nikki’s sister is also expecting around the first of May and with Smug-Sister due around the end of May all four of us are going to having little babies at the same time. I think that we should start our own mommy’s group or something!

I really love spending time with Nikki – she is very like minded to me when it comes to parenting philosophies. She very much wants to have a VBAC this time and wants to breastfeed longer with her second than with her first, who was weaned at 18 months. She too is not planning on getting the H1N1 or standard flu vaccine and is very much a live and let live attitude toward differing opinions on parenting. What works for one parent may not work for another and she totally gets that! I am going to have to make more of an effort to spend more time with her.

On a sad note, I have hurt Smug-Sister and I feel horrible about it. I have been trying to get together with one of our mutual friends for a couple of months now and we finally made plans to meet at Panera for brunch Sunday at 11am. I e-mailed and invited Smug-Sister to join us. She said that her weekend was packed and if she showed up she showed up and if not, don’t wait on her.

Well, Saturday night I realized that I had so much to do on Sunday that I needed to move the time, so I called the friend and arranged to meet at 9am instead – I never even thought about calling Smug-Sister with the time change. I guess that I figured she was so busy that she would probably not have made it anyway and I put it out of my mind.

The friend and I were saying our goodbyes and getting ready to leave when Smug-Sister sends us each a text asking with Panera we were meeting at. I had to call her and tell her about my screw up and I could tell in her voice that she was upset and disappointed, but she kept saying that it was ok. I felt bad all day yesterday and emailed her again this morning. She admitted she was disappointed but just wants to move on from it. I still feel really badly about it. I would be deeply hurt if someone invited me out and then changed the time and did not tell me.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Going Private

Good Morning.

I have hurt someone that I care deeply for by something that I posted on my blog. I was unaware that people in my "real" life were reading my blog and I posted something very private about someone I love. Someone in real life read my blog and rather than keeping the information to themselves confronted the person it was about with the information, thus ruining something special.

Very cryptic - I know!

Anyway, I have decided that I need to know who is reading my blog, so I am making my blog private. I will plan on making this change next Monday, so if you are a reader and would like to remain a reader of my blog, please email me at over the weekend and I will make sure that you can still read me.

I love having readers and love that people I had no idea about are reading me, but I need to protect the privacy of the people I love and I don't want to censor myself here.