Friday, April 27, 2012

Last Day

Smug-Baby woke up at 2am this morning and came into our bed. We snuggled down for sleep, but she was restless and finally just before 3, she told me she needed to poop. I took her to the potty and for over 45 minutes we sat there while she pooped. She has finally fallen back asleep and I am afraid to do anymore sleeping myself for fear of oversleeping on my last day of work.

Yes, today is the day. I have been thinking about this day for a long time. Since my bosses told me it would be coming several months ago and while I am certainly in a better place than I was in the beginning, I am still dealing with mixed emotions.

I feel thrown away. I feel like I have given my heart and soul and time and energy to this company. They are my family and I feel like I've been asked not to come to Christmas dinner!! I feel irritated. I feel like I have worked in so many areas of the company that there just has to be someone in this building who needs 4 hours of help a day and it sticks in my throat thinking that no one wants me. I feel relief. I feel like this couldn't have come at a better time, as my knees hurt more and my belly hurts more and I need more and more rest and more and more trouble getting the daily things done. I feel excited. I feel like this is a new adventure with all kinds of possibilities and I feel open to trying new things. I feel nervous about money, but OK about the action plan Smug-Hub and I have in place. While all the pieces still need to fall into place, I feel like this is a realistic plan and not something far fetched. I feel like if this wasn't the right thing for me and my family that I would feel something akin to panic and be working harder to find something else or another plan of action for the future, but I'm not, I feeling OK about everything and looking forward to sleeping later than 4am on a regular basis.

So, yeah, a little mixed on the ole' feelings!!

Part of me wants to skip going in at all and just go to my exit interview at 9:30 and not work at all. Part of me wants to hide in my cube until time to leave and sneak out. Part of me wants to spend the work day saying good-bye to everyone. So, a little mixed on how to handle the day too. I don't want to spend this day crying and I'm crying as I type this, so saying good-bye to people's faces may prove just too hard for me.

I really am looking forward to less stress during these last few weeks of pregnancy and I feel like once my little man is in my arms everything will feel perfect. I hope :)

Got to go into work now. My last day. Oh dear!!

Wednesday, April 25, 2012


As I read more and more about parenting techniques and the science behind the long lasting and far reaching consequences of how we raise our children. I am more and more committed to being as conscious a parent as I can be.

I have always felt like putting my child first was best. I have always felt strongly about breastfeeding, baby wearing, co-sleeping and more, but I never really felt like I knew why these things were important to me. Now, reading The Attachment Parenting Book by Dr. William Sears, I realize that my instinctual desires to do these things have a scientific basis and are backed up by countless personal stories of parenting successes.

How we treat our infants DOES effect them and the kind of person they will turn out to be. I believe that putting myself in my children's place and asking myself how I would like to be treated in a given situation helps me to handle something better than if I were to just assume that my child will be fine if he or she cries for a bit, sleeps alone, or learns not to count on me for comfort. How would I feel, if I were left alone in a dark room full of strange shadows, unfamiliar sights and scary sounds and when I called for help and comfort no one came to my aid? How would I feel if I was just learning to be able to do things for myself and someone came along and took away my chance to prove to myself and everyone else that I could do it? How would I feel if I was learning about my emotions and someone else kept telling me how I was feeling; that I wasn't really hurt?

I believe that most parents really do want to do the very best for their children and raise them to be strong, healthy, responsible, independent members of our society and everyone has to come to their own conclusions about how that is accomplished, but I also believe that people tend to do what their parents did, or what their parents are telling them to do now without being conscious about why they are making the choices they are making.

I am certainly guilty of that myself. I have been raising my daughter the way that I was raised and since I turned out pretty awesome :) I figured that was a cool way to raise a child. I have followed my mother's advice when I was at a loss about how to handle something with my daughter and gone to my sister and others for advice as well. I never thought about why I was doing what I was doing, I was just doing it. I was following my instincts and the path laid out by the way I was raised.

There isn't really anything wrong with this, because I really am doing all the right things (ha ha ha - can't even type that with a straight face), no, seriously - I am doing all these things that I believe in so strongly, but now I am finding out why they are important and why I want to continue and what other techniques I want to start doing/using. I am becoming a more conscious parent.

I am no longer blindly following my mother's advice (although her advice and that of others is still of great value to me) and I am no longer feeling like I am flying blindly in the wind doing whatever feels right at the time (although following my instincts is generally still my best resource), now I am learning about why I feel the need to handle a situation with my daughter in a particular way. When I am tense and tired and frustrated, I feel like I have more tools at my disposal and I feel like I am more likely to handle things better. I am learning techniques to help me parent her, and soon my son, in a way that will help them feel strong and healthy and responsible and loved and comforted and respected from birth through their adulthood.

How I treat my daughter now and I how I care for my son when he is born WILL effect them for the rest of their lives and my job as their mother is to make as much of an effort to do the vary best by them as is humanly possible. That isn't to say that I won't and haven't made some mistakes or that I don't carry guilt for something I have said or done or handled in a way that I feel isn't right. But it is my deepest hope and prayer that because I work so hard at being the best parent I can be, that my failings will be fewer and have a smaller impact due to the strong foundation I provide 99% of the time.

I want to be conscious in my parenting and even though I will still seek advice from others and even though I will follow my instincts I will still try to keep learning more about the kind of parent I want to be and put my full focus on this job that I have undertaken. A job that carries more responsibility and more rewards than any other job in the whole world! GULP!!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Not Pre-Term Labor

The last few weeks I have been having some cramping. It feels like I am going to start my period and if I weren't pregnant I would have been running to check every few minutes, they have been that strong and that constant. I asked the midwife about them and she wasn't overly concerned just told me to take it easy and not strain anything.

Well, I of course didn't listen and have kept up almost all of my normal pre-pregnancy activities just like I have been doing this whole pregnancy and last week it finally caught up to me.

I laid down for a nap on Friday when Smug-Baby was sleeping (I should add that I didn't want to nap, I had things to do but I was making an effort to slow down some) I napped for about an hour and woke feeling pretty good. Smug-Baby had also awoken and climbed into bed with me for a cuddle and a snuggle. The cramps have almost always been low on the left side, but as we cuddled, I could feel them in the right side too. "Crap" I thought!

I got up to take Smug-Baby to the potty and call my sister to let her know that we were going to come over and hang out with her since she had the day off work. I couldn't shake these painful cramps and they were starting to really escalate into a more painful stabbing feeling across my whole low belly. After we finished in the bathroom, Smug-Baby was upset about having to wear clothes :) and I was feeling horrible. This was really painful!! We went into the living room and I let her play for about 20 minutes while I tried to breathe and relax through this constant stabbing pain.

It wasn't like contractions at all, this was constant and really painful!! Contractions for me with Smug-Baby were intense and uncomfortable, but came and went with more pressure and this was a stabbing pain, like when you go running after a big meal and get a stitch in your side. This was lower but the same kind of pain. I felt like I couldn't stand up straight and whenever I moved the pain would double. It was horrible and I was in tears as I called the midwife.

She told me that she didn't think it was labor, but I should go into the doctor's office and get checked out to be sure. I called the doctor and they said to head on in. Smug-Baby had on one shoe and was hold half a banana (I hadn't had the ability to feed her lunch) when we walked into the office. I called Smug-Hub on the way and told him to leave work and come help with Smug-Baby. The doctor did an exam and checked the baby; we also did a sonogram to make sure that I wasn't in labor and the baby was still doing great. Everything checked out and he determined that I have pulled or strained some tendons or ligaments and that was what was causing the pain.

While I am glad that it wasn't anything more serious, like pre-term labor, it stinks that I just have to deal with the pain while the ligaments or tendons heal and I have to adjust my activities for the rest of the pregnancy so I don't strain them again or keep them from healing.

The prescription is lots of water (no problem, I drink tons of water all day every day) and more rest (harder to do when your toddler wants to have a dance party in the kitchen), getting my feet up and no more lifting of anything (again, how is this possible with a toddler?!?!?)

I think that this really scared Smug-Hub and he spent the weekend yelling at me to get back in bed and threatening to withhold back rubs unless I rested. I love that he is willing to help out, but I have a feeling that it won't last long! Doing his full time job and coming home to take over care of Smug-Baby and myself is going to get old really fast!!

So, I spent the weekend resting and working on ways of getting around picking up my child. I still sometimes have to pick her up and sometimes I simply forget that I am not supposed to, but I am working on being more conscious of it. I am also being conscious of how I feel and if I my back starts aching a bit, I stop what I am doing and go sit down. If I start feeling those stabbing pains, I will just have to call mom and she will have to drop what she is doing to come help me, because at that point I will have to go to bed I think!

I want to be smart about this and not over do or spend my energy working on something not important. Today I cleaned the toilet (just the toilet, not the rest of the bathroom) and I sorted laundry, but I didn't carry it down to the machine, I left it for Smug-Hub to carry. I can wash, dry and fold it downstairs tomorrow and he can carry it back up for me. I made a quick pasta and sauce for dinner instead of something more labor intensive and I got the bath and bedtime routine started at about 6 instead of 8.

Smug-Baby went to sleep about 9:15 and I am blogging before reading a few pages in my book and going to bed!

Tomorrow I need to work on the laundry or we will all be without clean anything and I need to collect the trash. However, Smug-Hub can take it to the road for me and can carry the baskets of clean laundry up the stairs. I plan on napping and making something else simple for dinner. I liked the early bath thing, so we may do that again too. I just need to have myself ready to relax when Smug-Hub gets home without overdoing it all day. I feel great in the mornings and then less and less great as the day wears on, so I need to get more done early so I can rest when the evening rolls around and the aching or pain starts acting up again.

It's only a few more weeks until Little-Smug arrives and then I will have a whole new life to figure out. I am going to do nothing to stand in the way of his perfect entry in his own time into this side of the world. Even if it gives my OCD tendencies a fit :)

Monday, April 23, 2012

Baby Shower

This weekend was my baby shower and it was amazing and wonderful!!

The day started with a leisurely breakfast with my aunts. Smug-Hub cooked for everyone and I sat on my butt! Food was lovely and it was nice to spend some time chatting with my aunts who had come so far to attend my shower.

After we got home I needed to shower and Smug-Baby got in with me. Before I stepped in the shower I plugged in the curling iron. I placed it behind the sink with the cord way up so Smug-Baby wouldn't be able to reach it. I haven't curled my hair since before she was born, so I was worried about her getting burned. Smug-Hub pulled her out of the shower and as we were all drying off, he stood her up on the counter. I pointed out the curling iron to let him know that it was hot and to be careful.

He was putting lotion on her when she reached down, wrapped her fingers and hand around the hot end of the curling iron and picked it up! I grabbed for her and it about the same time she did and pulled it from her so she only had it about 2 seconds if that. I grabbed her and ran her hand under cold water, Smug-Hub ran to get ice and the aloe gel. I sat with her sobbing little self for a good 30 minutes while she cried and waved her hand around trying to cool the burn. I felt so guilty!! Smug-Hub was too. He blamed me for plugging it in at all and I blamed him for setting her on the counter where it was within reach. In truth we both were to blame and I know these things happen, but I feel sick about it!!

After she was calm and had fallen asleep I finished getting ready and had completely lost interest in trying to curl my hair! I was running late as it was so I just dressed and left. It was pouring rain and the drive seemed to take forever.

Once I arrived at the party, I tried to let go of my guilt and I had a great time! The food was amazing, a carrot, pineapple and raisin salad, egg salad sandwiches, cheese spread sandwich's, capri sandwiches with pesto and strawberries with chocolate. Everything was delicious!! After eating, a woman who does belly art started to decorate my belly and then each of the guests drew or wrote something on my belly. It was very cool!!

The end effect was really cool and I only wish that it had lasted longer. It washed off in my shower tonight. I am going to talk to her about doing a henna design closer to my due date that will last longer. I think it would totally freak out the hospital staff and that would make me laugh!!

After the belly painting we had cake. Cake that makes me drool to think about!! It was my sister's lemon coconut cake and it was beyond amazing and I have to get the recipe from her and make it every day!! There wasn't even crumbs left!!

Then came the gifts and everything was so thoughtful and wonderful! My little man has a ton of new adorable outfits along with handmade cloth wipes, some cloth diapering accessories, teething accessories, books, bibs, and a new baby carrier just to name a few! I wasn't sure I would be able to get everything home, but my brother-in-law used to work for a moving company and managed to get everything into the cab of the truck for the ride home.

My friend who came all the way from North Carolina came back to the house with me and I got to play with her little 9 week old baby girl and Smug-Baby really fell in love with her! She kept bringing my friend burp cloths and toys for the baby and pointed out all the baby's body parts. I hope that this is good sign that she will be happy to have her little brother around when he arrives.

I made a nice soup for dinner but that was the extent of my workload for the day, I kept my feet up a lot and let others do for me whenever possible. It was actually hard to remember not to do everything myself, but it paid off because I wasn't feeling much pain when I started getting ready for bed.

Now, I am blogging and Smug-Baby is watching Elmo in the arms of her daddy, getting sleepy. I think that I'll slip off to bed myself!! Happy Baby Shower day to me!!

Friday, April 20, 2012

Being Crunchy

I find myself leaning into new ideas that have my poor husband giving me sidelong glances and wondering what he signed up for when he said “I do”!

Firstly, I am working to become more “green” – I have been clearing out my old chemical household cleaners and working on new greener, non-toxic alternatives. He is pretty much on board with this since he can see the cost savings and knows that every dollar matters with my being out of work soon. But he still has a hard time believing that I can get the house clean without the use of bleach, which is his favorite cleaning product of all time! It doesn’t help that I haven’t had the energy for much cleaning lately and things are starting to look really grody! I am going to have to spend some time working on the house after the lay off happens next week.

Next, I am trying to incorporate more veggies into Smug-Baby’s diet and to do this I have been sneaking them in via purées and new recipes that are all delicious but not food combinations that my husband is used to. I am also trying to limit, if not completely eliminate animal products from mine and Smug-Baby’s diet. I think that she is sensitive to them and since I have cut way back on the diary she eats all the little dry patches on her skin have cleared up and her nose isn’t running anymore. I know that most babies are sensitive so I need to get my system and my breastmilk clear of dairy before Little-Smug arrives. So most of the dishes I am trying out these days are hard for my darling Smug-Hub to accept. He does try to roll with it and often will just prepare some meat item on the side for himself or top whatever I have made with some shredded cheddar.

I have been reading about attachment parenting techniques and would love for him to read the same stuff that I am reading so we can be on the same page when it comes to things with Smug-Baby. Discipline is of the most concern to me right now; because that is the area we are setting the ground work for in her life. I gave him an easy book to read, but he is stuck on the home birth chapter and is feeling like maybe I am still trying to convince him to have Little-Smug at home. I told him to get through that chapter and on to the rest of the information, but it is hard for him to read something he isn’t really interested in so he puts it off. 

When I talk about trying Elimination Communication he just gives me a look and walks away J He is fully on board with nursing, delaying solids, baby wearing and many of the other attachment concepts, but EC is hard to get your mind around and really, I’m not sure that I’m there either!!

The latest thing to cause my husband a deep issue is my idea of bringing home the placenta. What I would like to do is plant it in the soil with a tree in honor of our son. It will compost and fertilize the tree and it seems like a nice way to use something that nourished my son for the better part of a year.  I know that some people keep the placenta attached to the baby until the cord detaches from the belly button naturally and some women actually ingest their placenta and frankly both those ideas seem really pretty gross to me. However, it does seem a little wrong to toss it into the trash with other waste, so I like the idea of using it in some way. Smug-Hub gags at the thought and while he says that as long as he doesn’t have to deal with it, see it, help me bury it, then he’s fine, he really is having a super hard time with it. To me, it’s just a maybe-would-be-nice kind of thing so if he really has an issue or the hospital doesn’t want to let me take it home, then its really OK. However, I don’t think that it is gross just to plant it – eat it? Oh yeah, but just to bury it? Nah, not gross.

I worry that one of these days I will want to do something or try something and my poor husband will simply wash his hands of my strange ways and have me committed J I just think that everyone has to do what seems right to them and judging each other for those choices just seems like a waste of energy. Smug-Hub however is very concerned that people will think that he married a total wack-a-do! Maybe he did! He married a home-schooled vegetarian who is now a weirdo who doesn’t eat cheese, cleans with baking soda, wants to potty train our infant and to bury her placenta!! The poor man! I need to do something really mainstream to make him feel better, like maybe give birth in a hospital – oh wait…

Thursday, April 19, 2012


I have had two really bad nights in a row and it has made me realize that I haven't had many bad nights lately. Smug-Baby has gotten into a good habit of waking at about 3, crawling into bed with us and going right back to sleep. I haven't had to get up to pee as often as I had been either, so I have been sleeping better. The last two nights haven't gone well at all!!

Night before last, I kept having to go to the bathroom; feeling sick to my stomach. In addition, Smug-Hub's mask kept squealing all night so that made it hard to get back to sleep each time I had to get up. I decided not to go to work and give myself time to sleep in, but I didn't really get back to sleep after about 5am anyway, but it was probably a good thing that I stayed home.

Last night, Smug-Baby woke at 1:24 and never really went back to sleep until just after 4am. She tossed and turned and played with my hand and was in this kind of half sleep that wasn't really a "real" sleep and I couldn't fall back asleep because she was moving around so much. Then I had to pee and she became fully awake and wanted to get up. She tried asking for water and asking to pee but I didn't get out of bed. She hit me in the face a few times to try to get me to wake up and that resulted in a pissed off, exhausted mama trying not to hit back! Finally just after 4, she fell into that nice deep sleep and I was able to get out of bed and get ready for work. I was afraid to let myself fall back asleep because I might not have let myself hear the alarm or the alarm would have reawakened Smug-Baby, so I just got up.

I think that I will have to make myself take a nap today. I really need to use her nap time to get these diapers worked on so Mom can sew them and we can finally be finished with all the refreshing. That is the last really big "to do" on my list and it is weighing heavily on my mind.

I think that next Friday is going to be my last day of work and then all these bad nights, early mornings will be behind me. Sleeping in will be a daily event :) OK, maybe not sleeping in really, but sleeping until 7 or 8? That would be amazing and I think I really need it!!

For today, I am ready for work and about to leave for the office and I am so tired I can't think straight, but it is only for a few hours and only for a few more days. We have a wonderful weekend planned and then my last week of work followed by another wonderful weekend followed by no more work!! I can do this!!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Looking Back, Looking Forward

I don't generally spend a lot of time looking back at events in my life, good or bad. They happened, I learned something (hopefully) and moved on. Spending time regretting what happened in the past or wishing things had been different or that I had gone left instead of right, doesn't really change anything. Thinking about what might have been or trying to re-write the past also doesn't fix anything and just makes for an unhappy present.

All I can do with the past is try to learn from my mistakes, carry the good memories and think before I make a similar mistake in the present.

Looking to the future also really has little value. Yes, one must think about where you are going and how you want to get there, but thinking too much about getting someplace else, results in missing the right here and right now.

The future is important, I have to think about the meals for the whole week when shopping and not just what I feel like eating at this very moment, but taking the time to enjoy and savor the food that is currently in my mouth also has a great deal of importance.

Smug-Baby is currently in her last months as an only child. Her whole world is going to change and while I am excited for all the changes our family will see in the future, I want to hold on to her as she is RIGHT. THIS. MOMENT.

I want to savor the times she pulls my face to hers with both hands to kiss me. I want to watch her climb on something new for the first time. I want to spend my here and now taking it all in and recording all the memories of her as she is right now. I want to hold her and kiss her and read to her and play with her.

I look forward to the changes that Little-Smug will bring into our family and I don't look back and wish that I had done things differently with Smug-Baby, because she is right here, right now and I want all my energy to be put into loving her so much and so hard and so deep that she never looks back and feels like I wasn't full of love for her at all times.

I send out this challenge to you, take a moment today and just be. Don't think about what's left on the "to do" list, don't think about how you should have gotten gas while you were out this morning. Instead, sit quietly and look around at your family. Observe what they are all doing right now, think about how wonderful they are and how much you love them. Then get up and go join them in whatever they may be up to. Spend a few minutes (or a few hours!!) just being in the moment with your loved ones, loving them and being close.

Yesterday is over, tomorrow will be here soon enough, today is right now. Enjoy it!!

Monday, April 16, 2012

Slowing Down

Man, am I really starting to slow down! Today, Sunday, I took myself out for a manicure that turned into getting acrylic nails (hey, they were only $5 more and now my nails look amazing and I feel pretty and since that was the whole point...) at the urging of my husband who knew that I was feeling large and puffy and frumpy and uncomfortable and for that I thank him! He knows me so well and is so sweet and encouraging and $25.00 is a small price to pay for feeling like a woman again!

After lunch, while Smug-Baby napped, we made up a grocery list and clipped coupons and got everything together for grocery shopping so that when she woke up we could take off and get all that done. Smug-Hub had a coupon for a free haircut so he went one way and Smug-Baby and I headed off to CVS, Fresh Market, Kroger and to get gas. While I was focused and driven and got things done in record time, Smug-Baby was still really over it all by the time we finished and headed home. All in all it was a fine outing and she did great, but I was beat and had done something to my back by the time I got home and while I tried to straighten up and get laundry going, I was really hurting so I sat down.

That was hard for me. To see all that needs to get done and know that it isn't going to get done if I sit down and also knowing that I will really regret emptying the dishwasher if it causes something to go wrong with my little man.

We had a prenatal appointment with the midwife this weekend and she told me very gently that I needed to slow it down and stop trying to do everything myself. I have been having more and more BH contractions and she wants me to be aware of them and go get checked at the hospital if they start to turn into anything more than they have been. She reminded me to be sure to get off my feet during the day, to nap if possible and to not overdo.

There are some things that I can't just stop doing, like taking care of Smug-Baby, so that has to be the top priority, followed by feeding us and the dishes, followed by cleaning our clothes if possible. Then everything else, cleaning the bathroom's, straightening up, running errands and all those other non-essentials will have to fall on Smug-Hub for the next few months. He says that he is fine with it and I know that he will do whatever needs to be done, but he does have this habit of complaining and throwing little fits when things aren't going his way. I just have to remember to approach him with the pregnancy stuff first - "Honey, I am having some cramping, will you take over making dinner tonight?" Instead of "hey, I need you to do dinner tonight while I lay on the couch"

He is totally excited and focused on his baby boy so he doesn't have an issue doing whatever to help out, but sometimes he gets frustrated (and rightly so) that he works all day and comes home to a messy house and no food and a pile of work to be done. I have always felt that in order for our married life to be as fair as possible, I needed to pick up the slack and do everything I could do at home to make up for my not bringing in as much (and soon much less) money. It's just going to be the last few months of the pregnancy where he is going to have to do more than his normal share, and I am going to have to work on not feeling guilty about laying on the couch with my feet up while he tries to get dinner on the table while Smug-Baby wants him to be a jungle-gym for her to climb on!

Friday, April 13, 2012

Mama Work?

As I left the house for work yesterday morning, moving as quietly about the house as possible, I heard my daughter wake. I froze listening to her moving around and her little sounds. I hear her get up and go into the big bed, then she says "mama work?" cries a second or two, and cuddles into Smug-Hub's arms and goes back to sleep.

It broke my heart to leave her then, even though I know that she finds comfort in his arms and was back sleeping. I felt like I should have gone to her, even though she thought I had already left and she was ASLEEP! I know that she loves her daddy and is so excited to see him and asks about him throughout the day. So I know that she finds comfort in his arms when I am not there, however, he is still second best and she finds more comfort from me. She prefers mama and he is just a substitute that she accepts when I am not there for her.

I'm not saying that he isn't good enough, he is, but he is just that - good enough, when I am the best! I don't say this to gloat, I say it because it makes me sad. I am reading all this stuff about child psychology and how important it is to meet the needs of the very young child to help them establish a foundation of trust and love and understanding that they are important and deserve to have their needs met. Here I am hiding in the living room, knowing that my daughter needs my arms to soothe her and yet, I know that I have to go to work and if I went in there, she would be fully awake and be more unhappy when I did have to leave.

I guess the bottom line is, I am really feeling ready for this lay-off to happen so I can stay in bed with her until she is ready to get up. I am ready to stay in bed until I am ready to get up. I am ready for breakfast as a family. I am ready for play time as a family in the morning. I am ready to feel rested during the day and have the patience that I struggle with due to exhaustion. I am ready for the new chapter of our family life. I am ready to meet my son.

I have 2-3 weeks left at work and I am really grateful to have them. We need as many weeks of full paychecks as possible and to spread the severance pay out as long as is possible. I know that 2-3 more weeks is nothing when I have been doing this for years now, but I am still looking forward to being home full time.

I am not really looking forward to my last day with my company though. I am still feeling really sad about not coming back here. This building has been my home for the last almost 11 years and not to come here just doesn't feel right. I will miss all my co-workers so much and having some adult interaction and a way to use my brain a little bit each day. There is a lot about my job that I love and I will miss it terribly.

I do feel like this is for the best and I am ready to be open to the changes that life will bring, but it doesn't mean that change isn't hard. I just keep thinking forward to the morning when Smug-Baby comes into the bedroom and climbs into the bed and cuddles up to me and doesn't have to ask "mama work?" anymore.

Thursday, April 12, 2012


Smug-Baby has been doing this hitting thing and I don't know what to do about it. She isn't angry or frustrated, just more excited and sometimes not even that, she is just sitting there and all of a sudden will smack me in the face.

I smacked her back once very lightly, but she still cried. I kissed her face and told her that people are not for hitting and she didn't like it when mommy hit her and mommy doesn't like it when she gets hit either. I thought she got it, but about 10 minutes later she smacked me in the face again. This time, I pretended to cry, covering my boo-boo with my hand, crying, asking for kisses and asking why she hit her mama when people are not for hitting. She seemed to take pause with that and even get a little upset on my behalf, but didn't comfort me and kiss me or anything.

I have used that approach the few other times since when she has hit me, and while she doesn't seem to be increasing the frequency of the hitting, it doesn't seem to really be stopping it either. Maybe it just takes some time... I don't know.

I could kind of understand hitting if she was frustrated and feeling like she wasn't able to express herself or get her point across. Sometimes she has snacked Smug-Hub when he has gotten up in her face for kisses or to tickle her and she isn't in the mood and I that I can kind of understand too. Not to say that in those situations it's OK for her to hit, just that I understand where the behavior is coming from and feel more confident on how to deal with it. This hitting while playing or just reading a book or watching TV doesn't seem to have a trigger and I am not sure of the best way to proceed with helping her learn that it isn't OK.

I find that I hit Smug-Hub a lot too and I need to work on that behavior in myself. I play smack him all the time. I whack him on the arm if he isn't paying attention when I'm talking or arguing with me about something dumb. I wonder if Smug-Baby is seeing that as playful and just acting it out in her own way. Regardless, I need to stop hitting my husband :)

Not sure what to do, keep on keeping on I guess...

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

GCB - Review

There is a new show on ABC called GCB, which I think stands for Good Christian Bitches, but I'm not for sure on that.

I thought it looked like it might be funny and I read that it was made by the same people who put together Sex and the City, so I wanted to give it a chance.

We are several episodes into the series now and I have to say that I have mixed feelings about it!

The show is about Amanda, who has recently lost her husband (who died in a car accident while making an attempt to flee as the authorities were about to arrest him for fraud. Also in the car is Amanda's best friend who causes the accident by trying to "entertain" the man while he was driving). The Marshall's seize everything and Amanda is left with no options except moving home to Dallas and in with her mother. She seems to have left Texas with her high school boyfriend (the now dead husband) when she got pregnant as a teenager and hasn't seen her mother since. Amanda was apparently a horrible, mean bitch in high school and everyone in Dallas is still holding a major grudge.

There is Cricket, who is in a happy marriage with her gay husband. They have a deep friendship and a great partnership. Cricket hates Amanda for stealing a high school boyfriend (again, the now dead husband) and even though she is happy and successful now, is holding on to all the past hate.

There is Sharon who is a slightly overweight (normal to you and I, overweight to everyone else on the show) housewife, who is stagnating in her life. Always trying to please everyone all the time. I think she hates Amanda because everyone else does and she needs to belong and be friends with these women.

There is Heather who is still single and comes around to see that Amanda is not the same person she was in high school pretty quickly. She is also the butt of jokes and ridicule from the other women because she has yet to "find a man she can hold on to."

Lastly, there is Carlene, played by Kristin Chenoweth who I started loving when she was on Glee. She has an amazing voice and was the main reason this show caught my eye. Carlene is Christian is all the ways that give Christan's a bad name. She quotes scripture at every turn to prove that her mean, vindictive, hateful behavior is fully justifiable. She was the butt of many of Amanda's pranks in high school, but is now happily married, rich and, thanks to plastic surgery, beautiful. But, again, hates Amanda with passion.

These women are heavily involved in the church, much to the pastor's dismay and often run off on tangents that don't follow any real christian principles. They are insecure despite their beauty, wealth, happy marriages, children and careers.

So what do I think of this show?

Good: It's funny! There are some laugh out loud scenes and some chuckle scenes and overall I enjoy watching it.

Bad: There doesn't seem to be any overarching plot. Each episode is fairly self contained. There is the theme that everyone seems to dislike Amanda, but other than that... It also seems to be more about making fun of Texas and these women than anything else. While funny, I can't imagine this is a fair representation of people living in Dallas. However, I have never been to Texas, so I guess I could be wrong on that. I would be interested to know what people living in Dallas think of the show. I also have a feeling that Christan's will take offense to the representation of their "people" in this unflattering light, but I personally think its great to highlight some of the hypocritical behavior that people often do using their religion to hide behind.

Perhaps that is the point of this show. To bring our attention to the ways in which we judge and hold grudges and hurt people all while thinking that we are being true to our faith. That phrase "what would Jesus do?" is something that I think more people, myself included, need to think before they act or speak more often!

I can't really make up my mind about this show. On the one hand, it is enjoyable and funny but I keep looking for the deeper plot. The dead husband to resurface. One of the husband's to pursue Amanda. Something!! Perhaps that will come later, but right now it just is what it is... Christan's being horrible to each other...

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

This Morning

I am just not feeling very good at the moment. I am tired and feeling blue. Yesterday was really tough with Smug-Baby because I screwed up her nap and she only slept about 30 minutes and she needed like another hour. Not to mention, I was tired and needed that time to nap myself, instead she slept in the car while I raced out to Smug-Hub's work to take him his wallet because he had left it in the car. Smug-Baby woke up as I was pulling into the driveway at home.

She was a mess the rest of the day! Nothing went her way and everything caused major meltdowns. She wanted the cake pops I made for Easter, but I had taken them into work to get rid of them and she was VERY upset that I couldn't produce them for her. She wanted a potato and then I put it in front of her and she cried. She wanted cereal until I poured it into a bowl and then she collapsed into a puddle on the floor, crying. She would not allow me to fold the laundry, taking every folded item and throwing it back into the basket or having a meltdown when I pulled an item out of the basket.

It was a potty accident free day so that was a plus, but getting her to go was sometimes hard and she would cry and tell me she was all done as the pee was coming out. I know that she was just tired and as much as I tried to get her back to sleep, she wasn't able to so she was just on a hair trigger to beat all hair triggers and it was exhausting!!

She crawled up on the couch about 5pm, laid down and fell asleep. While I was happy that it was quiet I knew that I couldn't let her sleep and after about 10 minutes I got her up and the crying started all over again. I finally got her to put some clothes on and we went out for dinner. It was actually nice and she was really well behaved so I think those 10 minutes of sleep really did help her.

The evening was another struggle to get us both ready for bed but she fell asleep by about 9:30 and I straighted up the house for about 5 seconds before giving up and going to bed myself.

I woke several times in the night with cramps, low in the belly and only on the left side. They would ease and then come back but were not really like a contraction, just a cramp. Like I was going to start my period soon kind of cramps, except that when I am going to start my period, those cramps stay and these would come and go. The baby kept moving around and I am not having any bleeding or anything so I am fairly sure that nothing is really "wrong" but they were/are uncomfortable and I found it hard to sleep.

The other thing is that both Smug-Hub and Smug-Baby didn't come into the big bed until after 3am. Which means that I was all alone in the big bed and I HATE sleeping alone!! Smug-Hub told me that he had folded all the laundry which was wonderful (there were 5 loads) and I don't know what time he got home, but still... I didn't get married and have children to sleep alone and if he had been in bed with me I could have asked him to rub my back or I could have leaned against his warmth and maybe eased my cramps. As it was, I was just alone and in pain and uncomfortable and tired and couldn't sleep.

Once they came to bed, I felt better and wrapped myself around Smug-Baby until it was time to get up. Of course I hadn't been really asleep since 1am, but fell asleep promptly as soon as they were with me, just in time for the lovely alarm to ring!! Now, I am tried and my eyes ache and I feel cramp-y and sad and just off! I wish that I didn't need to go to work today, I need to save my vacation time and get it paid out when the lay-off takes effect and I have a project that I'm working on that HAS to be completed this week, so I have to go.

I wish that I had the option of just a few hours today of time to rest. I hope that Smug-Baby is able to nap normally today and I can nap with her. I have a chiropractor appointment right after work this morning and that should help and we need a few things from the grocery store, but other than that I should be able to spend the day playing with Smug-Baby and getting my feet up and perhaps that will help the cramps. I don't know...

Monday, April 9, 2012


Friday afternoon as we were all preparing food and travel plans for the family gathering on Saturday, news spread around the family that my uncle had suddenly collapsed and passed away. Everyone froze in shock. He wasn't in the greatest of health but he was still young and this was a hard thing for everyone to hear. Soon it was decided that the family Easter celebration needed to continue as we needed to all be together as a family. I wasn't as close to my uncle in recent years but his loss is great and we will miss his big booming laugh and funny, self-deprecating stories at family gatherings.

Saturday was really wonderful. Smug-Baby and I spent the morning yard sailing with my cousin B and his girlfriend, T. This was really nice because at the large family gatherings everyone is busy making the rounds that you don't get to have any deep and meaningful conversations so this gave me a chance to really get to know my cousin better and I enjoyed that. Smug-Baby bonded with T and would only allow her to help get Smug-Baby into her car seat!

After we hit some sales, I took Smug-Baby home for a nap and while she slept I finished up the food prep (Smug-Hub had gotten a ton of it done for me, so THANK YOU BABY!!) and got showered up and dressed. When Smug-Baby woke up we packed up and headed over to Smug-Sister's house for the party.

The food was amazing! I ate until I could eat no more and then I ate some more!! I had been feeling some cramping in my back and belly for the last few days so I forced myself to let others play with Smug-Baby and I stayed seated most of the day. I moved around to various conversations but always made sure that I had my feet up and was resting. I think that it was exactly the right thing to do because as of this evening (Sunday), the pains are gone and only the occasional Braxton Hicks plague me now.

I should have gotten Smug-Baby a bath at my sister's house and let her fall asleep on the drive home Saturday evening as she had played really hard and was super sleepy, but alas I did not. So, we raced home and raced through a bath and teeth brushing and she was asleep by 8pm! I was asleep by about 8:45!! It had been a long day; lovely with lots of hugs and belly rubs but I was beat!

This morning I awoke and wanted more food! I could hardly believe it after all that I ate on Saturday afternoon, but there you have it! The family met at a local restaurant for breakfast and Smug-Baby decided she was in love with my cousin's son who is 6, he loved the attention and played really well with her. Smug-Niece seems to have fallen in love with Smug-Hub and kept running to him every chance she got. Smug-Sister says that she has been all about the dudes this weekend, but I choose to think that she loves Smug-Hub especially because he is so wonderful!!

After breakfast some family got on the road for home and some trekked back to dad's to visit for a bit before everyone said their good-byes and headed for their respective homes. Smug-Hub, Smug-Baby and I all went home, promptly fell asleep and had nice naps all around.

When everyone was up, we tucked in and got the house back in order, the three days of dishes cleaned and the yard work done. We worked together and buckled down and within 2 hours everything was respectable again. And, of course, I was hungry!!

We packed up and headed to Smug-Sister's place to pilfer leftovers and let the girls play. Smug-Sister and I cleaned up the kitchen but then we left our husband's to play outside with the kids and we put our feet up on the couch and talked and watch golf (of all things, go figure) and it was lovely and relaxing and a perfect way to round out the weekend.

On the way home, we learned that the memorial service for my uncle will be held next Saturday at his church and we will attend. It will be nice to see the family again so soon, but I hate it that we have to keep coming together to morn the loss of someone we love. Our family has already lost too many too young and I am very sad for my cousin's who lost their father and for all of us who lost someone special.

He didn't have any insurance or money set aside so there is concern about how to honor him properly. Everyone in the family is trying to give whatever they can to help his children cover the expenses. I know that he would have hated to have become a burden to his kids, so we are all trying to help out.

It was a weekend mixed with great love and great loss. We, as a family, tried to honor my uncle by being together and I think he would have been pleased.

I however, have to start taking better care of myself. The pain and frequent BH contractions tell me that I have been over-doing and I need to start saying no and letting others do things for me. This is not something I have ever been good at, but I have to do it and its only for a few more weeks until Little-Smug is here and I can go back to being all things to all people... yeah... right!!

Friday, April 6, 2012

Baby Bug

My best friend gave birth to her first child on Tuesday and he is totally adorable! He arrived after about a 12 hour labor, all natural birth and is nursing well! Mom is doing great and from the pictures I received, both mom and dad are over the moon in love with their new little one! When I talked to her on the phone yesterday (Wednesday) she told me her birth story (which was positive) and we talked about things to do once she is home and all that stuff. The whole time we talked, this little man of hers was sleeping and then suddenly I heard it... The squeaks and squeals of a 32 hour old baby boy! I just about lost my mind!!!!

I hung up quickly to let her go be a mama and told Smug-Hub that we just had to have another baby!! He reminded me once again that I am already pregnant and will have a little squeaking man in my own arms in a matter of weeks!

But I have the baby bug now!! I want June to hurry up and get here so I can squeeze him already! I want to see his little face and hold his little fingers and kiss every inch of him! I can hardly wait to see how Smug-Baby reacts to him and while I know that the adjustment will be challanging, I am really ready and hope that these last few months pass quickly!

I only have a few more weeks of work left until the lay-off takes effect and I am really looking forward to having the last month of this pregnancy off and be able to get into a rhythm at home and finish all those last minute preparations.

I am so happy for my friend! She has been my best friend since we were 4 and our sisters were babies. We met, bonded and have been friends ever since. She now lives far away and I am really lucky if I see her once every few years and we only e-mail and talk on the phone occasionally, but we are bonded for life and I can't wait to see what kind of mother she is and be able to talk kid things with her. When you have been friends with someone for over 30 years they become family and she is more of a sister than a friend and I keep calling this baby my nephew! She is Aunt Jen to Smug-Baby and I am looking so forward to the next time I can see her and meet her little man and have her meet mine!

I am just waiting. Waiting to finish work. Waiting for my son to arrive. Waiting to meet my new nephew. Waiting to see my best friend in the whole world again.

Thursday, April 5, 2012


Today kicked my butt!! The day started with Smug-Baby coming into our bed at 1am and my not really getting back into a deep sleep and her getting up for good when I did at 5am. I hate when she is awake when I leave for work for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I hate to leave her and hate to have her cling to me, not wanting me to go and me having to go anyway. Granted, this has gotten better since we started having her wave to me from the front door, but I still really hate leaving her! Secondly, when she is up that early, it throws off the whole day as far as her mood and nap schedule. If she ends up falling back asleep (which Smug-Hub works hard to accomplish since that means a bit more sleep for him too) then she isn't tired for her nap at her normal nap time and if she doesn't nap at her normal nap time and naps later than we are in for a long evening as she isn't ready to go to bed for the night at the normal time either. It's not a good cycle!

Anyway, after work, which was fine, I met up with Mom for a quick morning walk before the rain. We ended up deciding to walk over to a friend's house and walk with her for a bit, but it ended up being too long of a walk and Smug-Baby was really restless and I was really sore and achy by the end of it. We stopped by the library that is on the way back to Mom's house so Smug-Baby and I could pee and while Smug-Baby was out of the stroller, running around and happy to be free and mobile, she ended up taking off running right toward the busy street. Mom and I both chased her and Mom, being less weighed down by a baby belly, grabbed her. Smug-Baby threw a fit and wanted to be put down, but I was so freaked out that I held her really tightly for a long time and talked to her about running away from me before strapping her back into the stroller. She was crying the whole time, she just wanted to have some play time, some time to run around and stretch her legs! Mom and I agreed that we had made an error in taking a walk so long and walking before Smug-Baby had been able to have some play time and a nap.

On the way home, Smug-Baby looked really tired and seemed to even doze a bit in the car for the last 5 minutes of the drive, but once home she was fully awake and hungry for lunch and totally uninterested in napping. I fed her lunch which was leftover Indian Shepherd's Pie from Peas and Thank You which was really good and Smug-Baby ate a full plate! We followed that up with some granola and soy milk and she even ate a container of soy yogurt, so she must have been really hungry! I figured that she would be full and happy and getting tired so we laid down again. I was really feeling sore and ached all over from the long walk so I wanted her to sleep so I could do the same. Alas, she was still unable to fall asleep. I shut the bedroom door and laid on the floor with my eyes closed while she played with every toy within reach. I got some rest, she played and we were both fine with that. After about 30 minutes she had to pee so we were up again and I began trying to get my work tasks for the day done.

I needed to spend at least 30 minutes working on the downstairs room since I didn't do anything on it yesterday and I only have tomorrow to finish it up since I need to spend all day Friday working on the food items I have to make for the family Easter celebration on Saturday. I had hoped to do this work while Smug-Baby was sleeping since there are lot of things down there that I don't want her getting into, but since she wasn't sleeping... Even with her getting into everyting I ended up getting a lot done and really only need Smug-Hub to pull out some empty totes for me (they are on a high shelf in the garage) to pack up the winter coats and clothes and work on the desk area and I should be able to do that during nap time tomorrow (if she takes a nap tomorrow).

I also needed to make deviled eggs and potato salad for dinner tonight. My brother and his girlfriend were supposed to come over about 6:30, so I worked on that while Smug-Baby played on the back deck. I love that she is able to do that now, play with only little supervision. While she prefers (and so do I really) to play with me, it is nice that I can give her a watering can and she can "water" the plants on her own for a bit. Finally, she had played enough and needed some mommy time so we turned on the TV and sat down. This was about 4pm and she was zonked out asleep in like 5 minutes! GREAT! Now, she sleeps!

I let her sleep for about 45 minutes until I realized that I needed to make a run to the grocery store for a few items I had forgotten for dinner and I needed to pick up books from the library, so I woke her up and man oh man was she PISSED!! She cried and flailed for a good 20 minutes! Wonderful!

We went to the library first and on the way to the grocery store, my brother texted me to say that they had found a little abandoned puppy and had been at the vet all day getting him checked out and weren't going to make it to dinner after all. Since I figured we were no longer having company, we didn't need those few items from the grocery store, so I headed home and finished getting dinner ready about the time Smug-Hub got home.

I have to say that while I didn't really expect that dinner with my brother would actually happen and I did my best not to get my hopes up, I was really disappointed and have felt really depressed all evening. I think that it had to have been the pregnancy hormones, because this is really typical of my brother and I wasn't really planning on him coming anyway. I guess in the back of my mind, I was hoping that I would be pleasantly surprised.

We had dinner and while I cleaned it up Smug-Hub and Smug-Baby took some potato salad and deviled eggs to my Step-Mom so it was nice to work on the kitchen without interruption and I even had a few moments to sit on the couch with my book before they got home! Once home, Smug-Baby and I took a shower and got all ready for bed. It's Smug-Hub's night to get her down, so they are playing and I am blogging before heading to bed. I am really beat! I hope that I sleep well and long!!

It wasn't really a bad day by any means, just didn't unfold as I had hoped, but really who's day does? Tomorrow I need to finish the downstairs and clean the bathrooms, dust and run the vacuum (it's my half cleaning week) so that I am free to spend my day cooking on Friday. I have a feeling I am going to need all that time :)  

Wednesday, April 4, 2012


Some days are just harder than others. Some days my patience is less than I would like it to be. Some days I just wish I had a babysitter on speed dial. Today was one of those days.

It started out fine with a nice bike ride right after work and some quality time playing in the park, but Smug-Baby was tired and threw a fit when it was time to leave and when we got home and she was hungry so I made lunch, which was fine but it pushed her nap until almost 1pm. She normally is down sometime between 11:45 and 12:30, so she was really having a rough time. She collapsed into tears at everything because she was so tired.

She napped until almost 3 (which was both good and bad, since it would mean she was rested but less able to go to bed tonight on schedule) and I was able to make some phone calls and do some work on the computer all while I had my feet up since I was feeling a bit sore from the bike ride. So that was nice, but I didn't get my work in the downstairs room done, so I will need to spend 30 minutes on it tomorrow.

When Smug-Baby woke up I thought she was in a fairly decent mood, but it quickly deteriorated and she ended up getting mad and making a huge mess of granola and milk all over the couch and living room carpet. I was so upset! It took every ounce of my strength not to yell at her or yank her around!! I was calm and told her how upset I was and that making messes was not going to be allowed and I made her help me clean it up. She cried the whole time, so I know she got that I was really upset with her so I guess that is good and we will have to see if she does it again.

Later, when I had to pee, I could see her messing with the electrical outlet and since I was "unavailable" I yelled for her to stop and not touch and the plug would hurt her, but she completely ignored me until I yelled really loudly and then she just came running to me crying. I once again, calmly explained that when mama said "not for touching" she needed to stop touching and that sometimes things in the house could hurt her and I didn't want her to get hurt.

She just seemed to be pushing the limits all day long and frankly it was exhausting! Everything was a struggle, everything I asked of her she would push against. From getting into the car seat, to climbing on stuff at the park, to eating her food at the table and not in the living room, to not peeing on the floor!! She just pushed and pushed and by about 5pm, I was ready to lock her outside!! If my neighbor had been home I might really have taken her there for a little while just to be able to close my eyes and decompress for a bit, but alas they were not and I had to find a way to handle things myself.

I put on a movie for her while I made dinner and cleaned the kitchen and once Smug-Hub got home and we all ate, I felt better. The house was fairly straight and dinner was finished and the kitchen was clean and really the only thing that didn't get done today was the work in the downstairs, so it was a productive day, just hard!

Smug-Hub took her down to the mailbox to try to run off some of her energy and I laid down with her about 9:15 and she was out within 30 minutes or so. Now I am trying to relax a bit before going to bed.

I am feeling frustrated that my child isn't listening and doesn't seem to think that when I tell her something or give her a direction that is should be followed. Sometimes I think that if I followed a fear based method of parenting, she would be too scared of me to do wrong, however I don't want to parent that way and I do feel like gentle discipline is better. But, this method takes work and I am tired!! I am proud of myself that I didn't spank her or resort to time out when I was mad and that I followed the plan that I set for myself for the most part, I just wish that I would have seen some immediate improvement while as the same time I know that isn't how it works.

Today was a hard day, but I don't think that I will lie in bed tonight wishing that I had handled things differently or wish that I hadn't lost my temper. I did the best I could do and I am OK with that.

Goodnight and here is hoping that tomorrow is easier on my tired self!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Baby Bird Feeding or Alicia Sliverstone

I have been reading a lot of the Internet buzz on the video released of Alicia Silverstone feeding her son baby bird style so I feel like I should weigh in on the subject just because.

When I first heard/read about this my initial thoughts ran along the lines of "GROSS!!!" but as I have thought about it more and more and read some of what others are saying it became less gross and more understandable.

Firstly, being that her child is breastfed, his little body is already used to her body fluids and secondly, this baby came from inside her! He is made of her, so why is this gross again?

I have never fed my child directly from my mouth and don't think that I would ever find a time or situation where this would feel like something I would want to try. However, there have been a few times when Smug-Baby has decided that the bite of whatever I just put in my mouth should be hers and no other bite will do. I have had no real issue with taking it out of my mouth and giving it to her. Now, this is not fully chewed up food we are talking about, more like I popped something into my mouth and before I could even bite down she is upset and I give it to her.

Also, there have been a few times that something Smug-Baby has tried she doesn't like and she spits it out. I have, on occasion, popped it into my mouth. Sometimes food is just not for wasting!! Again, we are talking about fully chewed up food, just an instance where she took a bite, didn't like the taste or texture and spit it out.

I don't find this gross and I have seen tons of other mothers do the same. It's not gross when it's your child. Just like changing poopy diapers isn't gross when its your own baby, but may be a lot more gross when you are changing someone else's child.

I guess it comes from the fact that this child came from my body and all of her is made up of Smug-Hub and I. All her fluids are my fluids and everything she is came from me. I don't know, but I think that as a parent, you do what makes sense to you at the time and it really isn't others place to judge (unless, of course, there is blatant abuse going on) and we just need to try harder to live and let live.

I find that I am really a very judgemental person and I am trying to work on that, but mostly I am judgemental of people who are judgemental! I don't like it when people spend a lot of energy discussing things that have no effect on their lives at all. Unless you have a baby and are considering doing a baby bird style of feeding, you really have no business talking about it. Do people really care that much about Alicia Sliverstone's parenting? I guess that I don't have a lot of room to talk, since I am discussing it and I am really not considering this style of introducing solids to Little-Sub when he arrives. I guess I just wish people would simply discuss and stop bashing one another. Ahh, to live in a perfect (Smug-Mama designed) world...

Monday, April 2, 2012

Good Food for the Whole Family

In thinking about ways to get Smug-Baby eating a more rounded diet I am naturally drawn to reexamining by own eating habits and thinking about how, once this baby is born, I will need to be diary free once again since most babies are sensitive to dairy.

I guess that since I only have about 10 weeks left (YIKES!!) I need to started cleaning my fridge of the worst offenders and stocking up on good food items. Of course, after this discussion with myself, I am left feeling guilty that I have not been eating as wonderfully as I should have been during this whole pregnancy, but since those feelings are not productive and I just have to work on doing better going forward.

I have created a list of food items that are vegan and freeze well so I can stock my freezer with foods that are good for us and we may be less tempted to order out or eat something unhealthy when we are newly consumed with the baby and adjusting to everything. I plan on getting most of those in the freezer in the first part of May, so no rush there, but the list is created and the recipes are printed.

I have also started going through my cookbooks and coming up with fun ways to sneak more veggies and fruit into our meals as well as thinking about the cost savings if I say, make up batches of my own pancake mix, instead of purchasing something in a box.

I was raised this way. Everything from scratch and I am amazed by how far from these roots I have strayed. I am sickened really by how much money I spend at the grocery store and how little I come home with and how much of what I buy are convenience foods. Now, I do think that everyone has to find the balance between cost savings and the time involved in preparing everything from scratch and that has been a big motivator for my purchase of more boxed foods, but it is time to reevaluate what I am doing and how much money could be saved and time expended to save it and make some changes.

I read an article about eating vegan on $4.00 a day and the book with all the information is only $10.00 at Amazon, so I may purchase it, and I have ordered a few books from the library too. I just sometimes get overwhelmed and fall back on old, quick and easy favorites. So, I need to create a menu of say, 20 items that we all like and just rotate them around during the month. We don't want to get bored but yet I don't want to spend my Sunday looking through cookbooks to get ideas - I am not going to have that kind of time once Little-Smug arrives!!

I was cleaning the house today and thinking about how the weekends are going to change even more once he arrives. Not only will we have another human to care for, but we will be getting a weekly assortment of fruits and veggies that will need to be dealt with! My mom is giving us a share in the CSA and that will arrive on Saturday's and once we get it, we will need to decide what foods to incorporate into our meals that week and what items will need to be processed for storage (freezing, dehydrating, canning, etc.). It is really important to me that we don't let these food items spoil, this was a huge investment for my mother and it is important to me to honor that as well as honoring my commitment to be more cost conscious and more green.

I will probably be spending most of my Sunday's doing food prep for the week and preserving the items we will not be able to eat that week. In addition to the CSA, I want to get some of the daily meal work done so that the week days are less stressful. Since Smug-Hub will still be working until 7 and therefore not able to help me with the children (did you catch that? I will have two children - yeah, it's still not quite sinking in...) I will be working on an evening routine with them that may make it harder to put a complete dinner together quickly. So, I think that I should plan on spending time on Sunday's working on chopping veggies, making salads, soaking beans, and whatever else the weekly menu calls for that can be done ahead of time, so that actual dinner time during the week is faster and simpler without compromising on healthy.

I used to do that when I was single, working two jobs and taking 4 night classes. I would spend my whole Sunday (the only day I didn't work at least one job or have class) making meals for the whole week. I would have breakfast, lunch and dinner all made and in separate, grab-n-go containers so all week, I only needed to grab the containers I needed for the day and throw them into the microwave when I was ready to eat. It was actually exhausting, but that may have been the 4 classes and two jobs contributing :) I think that spending some time getting some of the prep work out of the way over the weekend will help make the week nights better, so that's the plan.

Now, I just need to not purchase anymore cheese and work on creating my 20 meal menu and grocery list so that by the time the baby arrives, I will be completely dairy free and have all my ducks lined up for this new life we are getting ready to begin!!