Friday, April 27, 2012

Last Day

Smug-Baby woke up at 2am this morning and came into our bed. We snuggled down for sleep, but she was restless and finally just before 3, she told me she needed to poop. I took her to the potty and for over 45 minutes we sat there while she pooped. She has finally fallen back asleep and I am afraid to do anymore sleeping myself for fear of oversleeping on my last day of work.

Yes, today is the day. I have been thinking about this day for a long time. Since my bosses told me it would be coming several months ago and while I am certainly in a better place than I was in the beginning, I am still dealing with mixed emotions.

I feel thrown away. I feel like I have given my heart and soul and time and energy to this company. They are my family and I feel like I've been asked not to come to Christmas dinner!! I feel irritated. I feel like I have worked in so many areas of the company that there just has to be someone in this building who needs 4 hours of help a day and it sticks in my throat thinking that no one wants me. I feel relief. I feel like this couldn't have come at a better time, as my knees hurt more and my belly hurts more and I need more and more rest and more and more trouble getting the daily things done. I feel excited. I feel like this is a new adventure with all kinds of possibilities and I feel open to trying new things. I feel nervous about money, but OK about the action plan Smug-Hub and I have in place. While all the pieces still need to fall into place, I feel like this is a realistic plan and not something far fetched. I feel like if this wasn't the right thing for me and my family that I would feel something akin to panic and be working harder to find something else or another plan of action for the future, but I'm not, I feeling OK about everything and looking forward to sleeping later than 4am on a regular basis.

So, yeah, a little mixed on the ole' feelings!!

Part of me wants to skip going in at all and just go to my exit interview at 9:30 and not work at all. Part of me wants to hide in my cube until time to leave and sneak out. Part of me wants to spend the work day saying good-bye to everyone. So, a little mixed on how to handle the day too. I don't want to spend this day crying and I'm crying as I type this, so saying good-bye to people's faces may prove just too hard for me.

I really am looking forward to less stress during these last few weeks of pregnancy and I feel like once my little man is in my arms everything will feel perfect. I hope :)

Got to go into work now. My last day. Oh dear!!

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