Wednesday, April 4, 2012


Some days are just harder than others. Some days my patience is less than I would like it to be. Some days I just wish I had a babysitter on speed dial. Today was one of those days.

It started out fine with a nice bike ride right after work and some quality time playing in the park, but Smug-Baby was tired and threw a fit when it was time to leave and when we got home and she was hungry so I made lunch, which was fine but it pushed her nap until almost 1pm. She normally is down sometime between 11:45 and 12:30, so she was really having a rough time. She collapsed into tears at everything because she was so tired.

She napped until almost 3 (which was both good and bad, since it would mean she was rested but less able to go to bed tonight on schedule) and I was able to make some phone calls and do some work on the computer all while I had my feet up since I was feeling a bit sore from the bike ride. So that was nice, but I didn't get my work in the downstairs room done, so I will need to spend 30 minutes on it tomorrow.

When Smug-Baby woke up I thought she was in a fairly decent mood, but it quickly deteriorated and she ended up getting mad and making a huge mess of granola and milk all over the couch and living room carpet. I was so upset! It took every ounce of my strength not to yell at her or yank her around!! I was calm and told her how upset I was and that making messes was not going to be allowed and I made her help me clean it up. She cried the whole time, so I know she got that I was really upset with her so I guess that is good and we will have to see if she does it again.

Later, when I had to pee, I could see her messing with the electrical outlet and since I was "unavailable" I yelled for her to stop and not touch and the plug would hurt her, but she completely ignored me until I yelled really loudly and then she just came running to me crying. I once again, calmly explained that when mama said "not for touching" she needed to stop touching and that sometimes things in the house could hurt her and I didn't want her to get hurt.

She just seemed to be pushing the limits all day long and frankly it was exhausting! Everything was a struggle, everything I asked of her she would push against. From getting into the car seat, to climbing on stuff at the park, to eating her food at the table and not in the living room, to not peeing on the floor!! She just pushed and pushed and by about 5pm, I was ready to lock her outside!! If my neighbor had been home I might really have taken her there for a little while just to be able to close my eyes and decompress for a bit, but alas they were not and I had to find a way to handle things myself.

I put on a movie for her while I made dinner and cleaned the kitchen and once Smug-Hub got home and we all ate, I felt better. The house was fairly straight and dinner was finished and the kitchen was clean and really the only thing that didn't get done today was the work in the downstairs, so it was a productive day, just hard!

Smug-Hub took her down to the mailbox to try to run off some of her energy and I laid down with her about 9:15 and she was out within 30 minutes or so. Now I am trying to relax a bit before going to bed.

I am feeling frustrated that my child isn't listening and doesn't seem to think that when I tell her something or give her a direction that is should be followed. Sometimes I think that if I followed a fear based method of parenting, she would be too scared of me to do wrong, however I don't want to parent that way and I do feel like gentle discipline is better. But, this method takes work and I am tired!! I am proud of myself that I didn't spank her or resort to time out when I was mad and that I followed the plan that I set for myself for the most part, I just wish that I would have seen some immediate improvement while as the same time I know that isn't how it works.

Today was a hard day, but I don't think that I will lie in bed tonight wishing that I had handled things differently or wish that I hadn't lost my temper. I did the best I could do and I am OK with that.

Goodnight and here is hoping that tomorrow is easier on my tired self!

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