Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Rough Night

So we had our first really rough night last night, baby girl had been fussy and gassy all day and when it was time for sleep, she was not interested. Finally at 9:45, I asked Smug-Hub to take her and see if he could get her to sleep and let me go on to bed. I thought this was reasonable since I have to get up at 4:30 and he could sleep in. I actually had to wake him to ask this since he had, as usual, fallen asleep on the couch. He suggested that we all go to bed together and see if she would fall asleep. This royally pissed me off and here’s why. If we all went to bed, I would be nursing a totally awake baby, thus I would be totally awake and he would fall asleep and start snoring within about 37 seconds.

This was his way of trying to get out of baby duty and I was none too pleased about it. So, he finally took over and I went to bed. He brought her to me, asleep, about 10:15 (I’d been asleep for about 7 minutes) and she promptly woke up. I also give him the credit for this as he kept making noise – pouring water into his CPAP machine, talking to me, etc., and then said that I should nurse and see if she would fall back asleep. So I did, she was not interested in sleeping and the more I forced the boob on her the more she drank, resulting in a nice big throwing up session all over the bed… my side of the bed. Meanwhile, Smug-Hub just looks at me! That’s right, the bed, the baby and I are all covered in puke and he is laying there trying to sleep. I lost my temper a bit and told him to take her and change her and get her back to sleep! It was his turn!!

He brought her back to bed about midnight (I slept about an hour, but kept waking when she would cry) and she slept without further incident until I got up at 4:30 for work (so, that is a total of… 5 hours and 37 minutes of constantly interrupted sleep for me). As soon as I left the bed she woke up so I went back and nursed her back to sleep. I feel that she may have stayed asleep if Smug-Hub had not turned off the CPAP so he could hear her and then promptly fell back asleep and began snoring to beat the band! Anyway, I nursed her until she fell back asleep and then went to shower. When I got out I could hear her up and Smug-Hub was bouncing her; she was awake but calm.

I completed getting ready for work and then nursed her again until time to leave for work and when I left, they were both sleeping. I hope that she sleeps a good long time this morning and Smug-Hub is able to rest. I would like him to understand that I don’t have the option of sleeping in; I have to go to work at that time of the morning without fail. I hope that he can understand that the boob is not the answer for everything and he is capable of getting her to sleep (he does in the mornings when I’m not there so…) and that he should take the night shift so I can be rested for work.

I do have the ability to take a nap when she does during the day, if she sleeps and if there isn’t anything else I have to do. Today, I am getting Will off the bus at 2pm, so if she sleeps between 11 and 1:30, then I can nap too, but if not…

I just want Smug-Hub to do his part and most of the time he does, but when he is tired, he doesn’t really care about doing for others. He is tired and falls asleep on the couch most evenings right after dinner. He does this because he stays up watching TV until 1 or 2 in the morning most nights then gets up and works all day, and then comes home, eats a meal and falls asleep. Then he wakes up about 9:30, when Smug-Baby and I are generally going to bed. This means he feels refreshed and able to stay up. Sunday night he stayed up until almost 3 and then when I left for work Monday morning, Smug-Baby did not sleep long, so he was up with her – his own fault. When he got home last night he was really beat. I get it, but this could have been avoided if he had gone to bed at a decent hour Sunday night. Then he would not have been so tired last night and been able to be better help to me.

OK, done ranting! He really does more than a lot of fathers I know, so I really shouldn't complain too much. He loves me and Smug-Baby
and did finally step up last night. I guess I feel guilty that he was so tired and I made him stay up and take baby duty so I could sleep. Even though I know it was the right thing for him to do, I feel guilty taking from others for myself. I feel guilty trying to sleep while someone else suffers.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Mother’s Day – The First of Many!

First it is important to know that I was feeling very bitter about Mother’s Day. This would be my first, the day I have been waiting my whole life to celebrate! The reason behind this was that my husband had to be out of town for work. While I was initially disappointed, I understood that the company was forcing him to work and that was that. Then, later, I found out that he could have canceled and chose not to. He kept saying things like “it’s not a big deal” and “the company is paying me to fish – to do my passion” and “there will be lots of Mother’s Day’s” and “we can just do Mother’s Day on Friday or the next weekend”

He seemed incapable of understanding how important this day was to me and how you don’t get a second first! So, I dropped the subject but deep down I felt like a part of my love for him was dying. How could I have married someone who did not have a clue and worse did not seem to care that this was so important to me – even if he didn’t think it was.

Then a few days ago, he came to me and told me that he had been thinking about it and that you don’t get a second first, so he was going to come home early on Sunday to spend Mother’s Day with Smug-Baby and I.

I got up Saturday morning after spending some time in bed with my sweet baby girl and found that when he had left earlier that morning, he had placed a dozen white roses in a vase on the table for me. I knew that he had finally realized how special this day was to me.

Sunday morning, Smug-Baby slept really long – like 9 hours long!! Then we got up and got dressed and headed out to find a baptism gift my friend, Jenna, who was having her baby, Toren, baptized that morning. I chose some board books, like “Goodnight Moon” and others for him. Then Smug-Baby
and I headed out to their church. They had rocking chairs set up in the back of the church for mothers with babies, so my friend Kelly and I sat there and nursed and rocked our babies throughout the service.

The service was very nice and when it was over I gave her my gift and took my leave. I then headed to my mom’s and presented her with the coasters I’d made with Smug-Baby’s footprints on them and a shawl. We talked a bit and took a tour of her garden before I left to go meet Smug-Hub.

We met at my favorite Indian restaurant who was having a special Mother’s Day buffet and I don’t think that they were expecting such a large turnout because as soon as they brought out more food, plates, bowls, etc. they were snatched up by the hungry masses J We ate ourselves silly and Smug-Baby was very good, just sitting on one of our laps and watching the people go by.

After that we came home and Smug-Hub gave me a sweet card and pair of earrings, little hoops with an amethyst in between two diamonds. They are really special and something I can pass down to Smug-Baby
when she is older.

We spent the rest of the day relaxing and getting ready for work the next day. It was a wonderful, lovely day and I am so blessed to have such an amazing family!!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Alexander's Not The Only One...

So, today is turning into a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (did you ever read that book?). Anyway, it started out with Smug-Baby being awake and wanting to nurse all night long. She was very restless, which in turn kept waking me up to hook her back on. When I got ready to get into the shower, she was asleep, but not deeply and I could hear her screaming from the shower. Her dad tried everything, but she simply wanted to nurse, so I jumped back in bed and tried to get her fed and back to sleep. She nursed and started to fall back asleep, but instead projected spit up all over herself, me, the bed and her dad!

Then, on the way into work, I stopped to get gas in the truck for Smug-Hub; I thought it would be a nice little gesture of love, one less thing for him to do, etc. Well, I haven’t put gas in the truck before and I was a little far from the pump, once I got the gas pumping and the little leaver in place to keep the gas pumping, I was going to wash the windshield, so I went to step over the gas line, caught my foot on the black rubber hose and ripped the pump out of the tank, and sprayed gas all over everything! All over the truck, the pavement and me!

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I sprayed gas all over my clothes, in my hair, in my eye, up my nose and in my mouth! Please, no one light a match!! My eye was burning (and still is actually), while I completed the task of putting the gas actually into the truck and went on into work. I was only 1 minute from the office and 20 minutes from home. I washed my face and flushed my eye with water. There wasn’t much I could do about my clothes, so I called Smug-Hub and asked him to bring me some more, and the smell is better, but it is still in my hair so I can’t get rid of it completely.

Once that was under control, I decided to make some breakfast and proceeded to overflow my oatmeal all over the microwave. This has a two-fold result, the first being a messy clean up and the second, it leaves me will very little actual oatmeal to consume, thus leaving me hungry and not a little bit cranky.

I got up to shower and 4:30 this morning when this day from hell began and it is only 6:45am now!! Oh God – I have a lot more hours left in this day, please help me to not kill or maim anyone else or myself!!