Thursday, May 23, 2013

Feeling Excited

Here I sit, in what is quickly becoming "my spot" at Starbucks, working on some applications, dealing with some emails and working on my newest project. I am feeling really excited at the prospect of helping a friend and it is getting all my business admin. juices flowing and I am feeling happy to have something besides laundry to focus on. I love the idea of helping a business succeed, especially when I feel so strongly about the service they provide!

I am talking about Shining Star Family Center in Roanoke, VA. They offer a wide variety of classes for children and adults, ranging from baby ballet and adult yoga to homeschooling academics and bible study. Most of the classes are $5 to join and are taught by fabulous instructors who are dedicated to helping provide quality instruction at a fair price.

I love that my daughter can be introduced to ballet and tap and jazz and maybe tumbling and gymnastics in the future all at a price that I can afford. She isn't a focused student, all into technique at this point, she is 3 after all; however I do want her exposed to all that these classes offer. She isn't just learning about tapping, she is learning to listen, follow the instructor and follow the rules as well as learning about music and rhythm and the movement of her body. She is learning that being physical in life is important and fun.

They are going to offer a more structured class this summer for her age group that will focus on learning colors, numbers, letters, and basic writing. This is like what she would be learning in pre-school, except that she is in a comfortable environment with instructors and assistants that she already knows. This class will teach through play and I will be able to be as involved as Smug-Baby needs me to be until she is ready to be on her own without me.

I have been giving a lot of thought to her upcoming education. Starting with kindergarten and working back, I'm trying to figure out what I need to do to make sure she is ready, both emotionally as well as academically when she starts full time school in 2015.

I was home-schooled and there are a lot of aspects of that style of education that appeal to me, but there are also things about my youth that I would like to change for my children, so I spend a lot of time thinking about what is best for them, what we can make happen for them and so on. This parenting stuff isn't for the weak I tell ya!!!

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Lifestyles of the Poor and Sleepless

Smug-Baby is not sleeping these days. She is 3 and should be sleeping I think!!!! She will often have weeks at a time where she sleeps in her own bed all night or comes into our bed and goes right back to sleep and sleeps soundly. But then, there are weeks like the last few, where she is up for hours and hours, tossing and turning and unable to go back to sleep.

Last night, she went to sleep at 7:15pm, in her own bed and slept 6 hours before coming into our bed a little after 1:00am. She proceeded to toss and turn, whisper to herself, lay across the foot of the bed, lay with her feet on the pillow, try to hold her sleeping brother's hand, pet his face and talk to me, until after 4:00am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then, Smug-Hub took her (crying, mind you) back to her own bed and she ended up falling back asleep there sometime between 4 and 5. I had had it with her!!! I kept telling her that if she couldn't go to sleep, she needed to go back to her own room and let momma sleep, and she would lay there, quietly for a good long time, like 20-40 minutes, before tossing and turning again. I haven't been back to sleep since 1:16am this morning and I am ready to die!!! How is it possible for her to lay there for so many hours without falling asleep?!?!?!?

How am I supposed to get/keep/go to a job at 5 or 5:30 in the morning and function with 3-4 hours of sleep?!?!?!? I have been sleep deprived for years now and I keep wondering when I am going to reach the breaking point and lose my mind for real!

I love the idea of the family bed and I love those mornings of snugging all together and everyone is warm and squishy and cuddled up together and I don't want Smug-Baby to feel like everyone is welcome in the big bed except her, but something has to change. Frankly, I have no ideas on what to do here, because she does sleep well some nights and those tend to be the nights Little-Smug is teething and he is tossing and turning and restless. Or they both are sleeping great and Smug-Hub forgets to put on his mask or has it on, but it squeaks and wakes everyone. I can't win and I am seriously thinking that I want to run away and get a hotel room and sleep all by myself for a week!!!! Not seriously, since Little-Smug still needs to nurse at night, but as God is my witness, as soon as he weans, I am taking some Advil PM and locking myself in my room!!!!

In other news, I am still getting phone calls from all the people we owe money to and they are so confusing! It's like they think I might be kidding with them and keep offering me things, like lowering the payment from $340 to $250, like I might have that lying around! Then one guy asked if I was thinking about bankruptcy and when I told him that I guessed it would have to be an option at some point, he asked if I would like him to turn my account over to their bankruptcy department. When I asked him what that meant, he said that since I had told him I was thinking about bankruptcy, they had another department who might be able to help me more. What the heck does that mean?

I haven't heard back on ANY of the applications I have submitted - not one!! I just can't believe that there isn't something out there and I am feeling very defeated at the moment. Not that I could work a job in this sleep deprived state of madness!!

OK, end the post on a good note.... My husband picked flowers from a friend's rose bush for me last night. Just because he loves me and thought I would like them. So, I guess life is pretty good after all :)

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Long Time!

Here I sit, in Starbucks... alone... for the first time in as long as I can remember. I am without my children and I have been applying for jobs :)

It has been a year since I was laid off and finally, the money has run out and we are facing the possibility of bankruptcy. I kept thinking that God would provide and something would present itself... I would be shown the way! Well, it hasn't and all the "leads" that I have thought would pan out haven't. It is time to be more proactive and think about ways to earn money that I haven't thought about yet. So, here I am applying for positions with the local fitness clubs and Starbucks and food service and everything else I can think of. I want to work the same hours that I used to work when I was with my old company. I loved having those hours in the adult world and I loved the bond that was created between Smug-Baby and Smug-Hub from their time together.

I am willing to do almost anything to avoid either returning to work full time or filing bankruptcy. Full time work would mean putting both kids in daycare and that just makes me sick! I want to raise my own children and I will scrub toilets if I have to in order to keep being their primary care giver.

The plan is to spend the next few weeks leaving the house in the mornings more and more often to get everyone in the family used to mama not being there, so that when I do get a job, it won't be traumatic for anyone. In all honesty, I am probably the only one who will have any real issues with this new chapter. I do have a complex that life can't work without me there to manage it :)

I think that I was grieving for my old job and my old company for a long time. I was holding out hope that they would call and want me back and I guess I still hope that. I loved my job and my co-workers and the hours and the fact that I'd been there forever and met my husband there. It was my home and my family and it still hurts not to belong anymore.

I also think that I was holding onto this notion that we would be fine on one income and frankly it is baffling to me that we can't! We don't have a huge mortgage and in fact, pay less than a lot of people pay in rent! We don't have expensive cars, we don't buy diapers or wipes or formula or pay for daycare. We don't leave lights on outside at night, water the yard or wash the cars. We don't go to clubs, concerts, movies or even out to eat often! How is it that every bill we have keeps going up - food, gas, insurance, electricity, etc.!?!?!

Or well, I guess I was just hoping that something would drop into my lap that would be the perfect thing. You know, like God was sending me something and I just needed to be open to it. Well, that didn't really work and now we are in a world of hurt and I need to find something to do to bring in money... fast!!

In addition to applying for every morning job I can think of, I am having time to myself. I didn't realize how much I needed a few moments to gather my thoughts. I need to write down/blog about my life and get things off my chest and with the little ones wanting to "help" mommy type, it isn't possible. However, having this quiet time in the morning has been rejuvenating to my soul and I have been more patient and loving with my sweet babies.

Wish me luck! The Wal-Mart web page just finally loaded so I'm off to apply for a deli position - I could make cakes and chicken salad at 5am!! Until tomorrow Blog-land!