Last night, she went to sleep at 7:15pm, in her own bed and slept 6 hours before coming into our bed a little after 1:00am. She proceeded to toss and turn, whisper to herself, lay across the foot of the bed, lay with her feet on the pillow, try to hold her sleeping brother's hand, pet his face and talk to me, until after 4:00am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then, Smug-Hub took her (crying, mind you) back to her own bed and she ended up falling back asleep there sometime between 4 and 5. I had had it with her!!! I kept telling her that if she couldn't go to sleep, she needed to go back to her own room and let momma sleep, and she would lay there, quietly for a good long time, like 20-40 minutes, before tossing and turning again. I haven't been back to sleep since 1:16am this morning and I am ready to die!!! How is it possible for her to lay there for so many hours without falling asleep?!?!?!?
How am I supposed to get/keep/go to a job at 5 or 5:30 in the morning and function with 3-4 hours of sleep?!?!?!? I have been sleep deprived for years now and I keep wondering when I am going to reach the breaking point and lose my mind for real!
I love the idea of the family bed and I love those mornings of snugging all together and everyone is warm and squishy and cuddled up together and I don't want Smug-Baby to feel like everyone is welcome in the big bed except her, but something has to change. Frankly, I have no ideas on what to do here, because she does sleep well some nights and those tend to be the nights Little-Smug is teething and he is tossing and turning and restless. Or they both are sleeping great and Smug-Hub forgets to put on his mask or has it on, but it squeaks and wakes everyone. I can't win and I am seriously thinking that I want to run away and get a hotel room and sleep all by myself for a week!!!! Not seriously, since Little-Smug still needs to nurse at night, but as God is my witness, as soon as he weans, I am taking some Advil PM and locking myself in my room!!!!
In other news, I am still getting phone calls from all the people we owe money to and they are so confusing! It's like they think I might be kidding with them and keep offering me things, like lowering the payment from $340 to $250, like I might have that lying around! Then one guy asked if I was thinking about bankruptcy and when I told him that I guessed it would have to be an option at some point, he asked if I would like him to turn my account over to their bankruptcy department. When I asked him what that meant, he said that since I had told him I was thinking about bankruptcy, they had another department who might be able to help me more. What the heck does that mean?
I haven't heard back on ANY of the applications I have submitted - not one!! I just can't believe that there isn't something out there and I am feeling very defeated at the moment. Not that I could work a job in this sleep deprived state of madness!!
OK, end the post on a good note.... My husband picked flowers from a friend's rose bush for me last night. Just because he loves me and thought I would like them. So, I guess life is pretty good after all :)