Monday, August 24, 2009

8 days

I am down to counting the days until school is complete. Next Tuesday, one week from tomorrow is the final class period, the final night, the big celebration!

I have decided to take September 2nd off (next Wednesday the day after the final class) from work. I was discussing with my husband what I should do with my free day and he firmly suggested that I make no plans. I take this to mean that he has made plans for me, which I am sure is going to be totally sweet. He probably got me a massage gift certificate which he knows is my favorite thing, so perhaps he did something totally different to throw me off the trail. I only know that I am excited beyond words!!

I only wish that by finishing this last class, my income would suddenly increase! There are no jobs in the city I currently live in and we have no plans to move elsewhere and besides, no one is going to hire a pregnant woman who wants to only work part time after the baby comes. I think that I am going to have to stick it out at my crappy job that I totally hate until the economy turns around and I can find something that both suits my skill set and my desire to raise my own child.

I have faith that everything will work out as it should and if I ended up needing to use some kind of day care, it will all be fine. I just feel like I have waited for this baby for so long (I am almost 33 after all), that I don't want to hand him/her over to anyone else for any reason. At least not until she/he is like 40!! I want to experience every first, every second, everything!

I know that it will be fine! I just have to put my faith out there and let the perfect situation come to me!

Friday, August 21, 2009

Quick Update

I am still cover up with school work, but I am down to the last two weeks and things are starting to come together - I am so close I can taste it!!

My brother was "promoted" to the highest level of trustee which means that he lives in a larger pod with only 2 other guys and they have all the TV channels. He works 8-4 Monday through Friday now with weekends off. He is working maintenance, so he is allowed to go outside just a bit (like to take out the trash, but still it is the first taste of fresh air he has had in 2 months). He looked happier than I have seen him before, so I am happy too.

I found a picture online of what my baby is looking like about now:

I can't believe it!! I can't wait to hear the heartbeat next week!!
I feel like I am right on the cusp of everything coming together. Two more weeks of school, 2-3 more weeks of this horrible, humid, nasty weather before things start to cool down a bit. 4-5 more weeks until I find out that I am having a girl! I am almost through the worst of everything (school and feeling sick) and I can't wait to move on and get to the fun stuff!!

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Letter From My Brother (or a Jailhouse Communication)

Good Morning All!

Below is part of a letter that my brother sent to me from his jail cell. I told him that I would put his thoughts out there online and see what other people thought about the justice system. Following his letter is my response to him – please comment and let us know what you think on this topic

Dad thinks I should join the Navy when I get off probation and I’m really thinking about it, then again I may on the road I am on, I kinda like it here, I’m making a lot of friends and as long as I don’t have shit going for me out there then why not just have fun and if I come back so what. Like I said before, “3 hots and a cot”, but don’t tell Dad that, it would crush him; I really think he thinks that being in here is making me a better person. I hate to tell him that he spent all those years (in police work) breeding more criminals.

This is not the place for small time shit. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to start doing all kinds of fucked up shit, I’m just trying to prove a point – that being in here is not doing anybody any good. All I want to do when I get out is smoke pot and do all the same things I did before, and everybody else in here is saying the same thing. “Can’t wait to do all the shit I was doing before” nobody is saying “Man I’m never going to do drugs again.”

I really think there is a better way to help people get better and it’s not jail. There is a guy in here that went to court drunk and got 30 days, all he talks about is as soon as he gets out, the first thing he is going to do is go get a beer, he doesn’t need jail he needs AA. I’m sure that I’d be much better off going to NA than jail. What kind of stupid people run this country? Do they really think that jail works? The only reason I’d think seriously about the Navy at this point is if I can’t find a job so I can buy weed.

I even talked to Dad’s friend’s kid who is in here; he is he for drugs too and he is in the drug program here and he even said that he can’t wait to get out and smoke a phat-azz blunt. So, tell me what good is being in here doing, besides learning what not to do and seeing how others got caught. The sad thing is that I think Dad really thinks that all those people he locked up in here, got out and never did anything wrong again. I hate to be the one to tell him that he has been part of the problem the whole time. Sometimes I think that the cops are dumber than the people they lock up.

I’m sorry; I just had to get some of this off my chest. I’d like to hear what you think about all this, is it making any sense? I mean people are going to do what they want to do no matter what. Write me back and tell me what you think put it online and see what other people think – I know I am not the only one who feels this way. I mean, I really don’t want to spend my life in jail, I am just saying that it isn’t helping anyone get off drugs or stop stealing. There’s a guy here who paid all his court fees by stealing and pawning everything and he says that he is going to do the same thing again this time.

Dear David:

I have been giving a lot of thought to your comments about jail not being the way to rehabilitate law breakers. Here is what I think. I think that the system is broken. Plain and simple – I don’t think that the majority of offenders stop breaking the law because they don’t want to go back to jail. I think that some times the people who are more likely to break the law are the type of people who don’t have a very nice or comfortable life, so jail is actually a better situation for them. Even you said that you eat, sleep, read, play cards, workout, etc. There is no work, no nagging kids, no bills to pay – I can totally see how jail might be a better life than being free.

However, there are certain people who do come out of jail ready to make a life change. The only big name that I can think of right now is Tim Allen. He went to jail for a while for drugs and came out ready to change his life and make himself into a different person. He channeled his experiences into a stand up routine and then went onto a successful acting career.

I hear you talking about how things are not changing the attitudes of some of the people you are in there with. I hear that you have ideas on what would work better. I think that jail will be what you make it, you can come out of jail and go back to doing and selling, or you can come out and become an advocate for change. You could get a license and start working on doing some drug counseling and start a grass roots political action group to work to effect change within the justice system. You are a very smart person; you work hard and see the world from a unique point of view. It makes since that people who have never been on both sides of the law can’t fully understand the mindset of the law breaker. They can’t know what would motivate people to make real and lasting changes in their lives. Yes, the system works to rehabilitate some people, but does nothing for the majority.

I will post this letter to you on my blog and see what kind of feedback I get from readers. I don’t actually have that many people who read me, so don’t expect much J