Monday, January 25, 2010

Monday of my 37th Week

I am sitting here at my desk on a rainy Monday morning contemplating how life is about to change. I see ads for upcoming events in late February or March and thinking that by the time they roll around I will have a baby in my arms. We ate breakfast at Waffle House Sunday morning and I mentioned to Smug-Hub that the next time we eat there we will have a baby with us. We don't actually eat there very much, but still…

We could have a baby before the Super Bowl. We will certainly have a baby before the Skins and Cowboys meet again. We will have a baby before the tax refund I filed this weekend is sent to us. We will have a baby with us next time we go to the polls to vote. I will have a baby before I need to purchase a new bottle of laundry detergent!

Yesterday at the grocery store I became that lady you see in the funny commercials who pulls out one orange and then the whole stack of oranges falls all over the floor. Except I did not do it with oranges, I did it with pears AND apples AND red bell peppers! I also knocked over magazines when I reached for the one that I wanted and knocked a few boxes of macaroni and cheese off the shelf when I was trying to get my cart past another customer. All of this would have been funny if I hadn't had to bend over and pick up everything that kept falling around me. I felt like crying by the end of the shopping trip.

I have officially gathered everything that I need for the hospital, except for the cash in small bills for vending. I just need now to find a bag or case to hold everything that can be packed now, along with the stuff that will need to be grabbed at the last minute. I went over the birth preferences with my doctor and got him to sign off on them. I have made copies to get him to put in my file and to take with us to the hospital for the nurses. I have baked cookies and muffins to take to butter up the nurses and pulled some crock-pot recipes to work on this week that can be frozen to have ready when we get home from the hospital.

Last things to do before baby arrives is to clean the house really good, file some paperwork and have my pampering appointments on Saturday. I am really looking forward to getting really pampered and I hope that I will go into labor the moment they are all complete!! I have a hair cut first, then an eyebrow wax, followed by a manicure and pedicure and lastly a 90 minute prenatal massage!! At which I plan to ask the therapist to press away on any and all pressure points that may induce labor. I also plan on spending a lot of time eating spicy food, walking, swimming and anything else that may help bring on labor. Have I mentioned that I really want this to be my last week of work??

OK, on to the sad stuff. My mothers mom is in the hospital all the way down in Florida - a 10 hour drive from here! She has been having some cognitive issues for several days and most recently was having issues walking. They went to the doctor and according to her and my grandpa, she was totally fine. My uncle called the doctors office and was told that she was in urgent need of some testing and my grandparents had totally misunderstood. My uncle took my grandma to the tests and they admitted her to the hospital right away after that. She has for masses in her brain, one behind her right ear, two behind her left and one on top of her head. They are not operable.

The doctors want to do a biopsy to determine if they are some kind of infection, which they can then treat, so if they are benign or cancerous - either of which would probably mean doing nothing but making her comfortable (since radiation and chemo for an 88 year old would do more harm than good in most cases). Here is the thing, my mom is totally conflicted on where she should be.

Should she drive to FL to be with her mother, who does not have much longer regardless of the outcome of this biopsy, or does she stay here with me to be at my beck and call IF I go into labor and IF I change my mind and want here there for the labor and delivery. Everyone, including my family there in FL and grandma have told her to stay here with me. I am, apparently, the only one telling her to go. I could go into labor today or not for FIVE full weeks or anytime in between. I am not planning on her being at the actual birth or being part of my labor coaching team. I only said that I reserved the right to change my mind if I was in pain and wanted my mommy!!

It could be that she stays here and I don't go into labor, her mom passes away and she missed her last chance to see her and tell her good bye. It could be that she stays here and I do go into labor, but don't call her to be part of it and she misses her chance to say good bye. I can't imagine that she would not have some resentment toward me in some small place in her if this were to happen. Also, I don't want to feel obligated to call her to come to the labor because she chose me over her mom. I feel like I need a good cry over this! I don't know what she should do!

UPDATE: Mom called and she is on the road and almost in FL now. She decided that she just needed to go and assess the situation and be there if she is needed. She is planning on coming home at the end of the week unless there is some reason for her to stay. Also, she wants me to call her as soon as I go into labor, so she can determine if she should try to make it back in time, since labor can take many, many hours, she could make it back in time before Smug-Baby is born. I am glad that she decided to go. I hope that this is an infection and my grandmother is healed and home within this week and my mom is home before Smug-Baby decided to make her entrance and everything will be back to the way it was before grandma went into the hospital!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Full Term

Today I am 37 weeks pregnant and considered to be full term! I have made it! My baby is going to be born soon and be totally fine! I keep thinking back on my whole pregnancy and thinking about all the weeks that I spent checking the tissue for telltale blood and my stomach gripping with fear every time I had a cramp or twinge. I spent a lot of this pregnancy worried that my body would somehow kill my unborn baby.

I had a bad head cold right after Christmas and I worried the whole time that I would give her something that would kill her. I wished and prayed that she would just be born healthy and I could stop worrying about her - then, of course, I smacked myself realizing that I will never stop worrying about her, my life will be full of worries from now until the day I die. I just figure that once she is born, there is less of a chance that I will kill her inadvertently by simply getting a cold.

I see the doctor today and I am planning on heading back to the pool this afternoon for another swim in the blissful weightlessness of the water. I went yesterday for the first time and it was so wonderful! The only bad part was getting out of the pool and feeling every pound I have gained settling back on my joints and bones.

I really hate all the negative stuff that people want to tell you about how horrible the nurses can be and how you should not eat broccoli if you are breastfeeding as it will give the baby horrible gas and how if you eat a lot of salty foods after delivery you will swell up and not be able to pee. I just really think that people are trying you help you be prepared, but so much of this crap they spew at you is mis-information for one thing and highly personal to their bodies, babies and situation.

Here is the thing, if you get a nurse that you are not clicking with, simply ask to have another. You are not locked into having a nurse that you don't care for, so fucking stand up for yourself! Breastfeeding means that everything you eat is, in part, passed along to your baby. If your baby is having gas, then you may be eating something that the baby is sensitive to, like dairy, but hardly ever is the baby sensitive to something like broccoli and a trained lactation consultant can help you determine where the problem is coming from and how to fix it - again, stand up for yourself and get the help that you need!! As for the salty food causing you not to be able to pee - I have a feeling that this woman had this one issue and assumes that everyone must has the same issue, which is a really arrogant way to think really. What happened to her is her own business and has more to do with her own physiologic makeup than anything else. This particular woman stops by my desk almost daily to tell me another "tip", which means another highly personal, situation specific and horrible story! I really try to let her words go in one ear and out the other, and I tell her that everyone is different and I am sure that we will be fine, but she will not stop!!

Gee, I guess she has upset me more than I realized! Sorry about that little rant there :)

Mom told me yesterday that she has done something to guarantee that my daughter will be born in January - she is making this cross stitch sampler that will be framed and on the wall in Smug-Baby's room, it will have her date of birth, her length and weight and her footprints on it. Mom has completed everything except those specifics. Then yesterday, she decided to needlepoint in February in the birth date section, thus now she thinks that this will ensure that Smug-Baby comes in January requiring her to rip out the date. This is kind of funny, but since I want Smug-Baby sooner rather than later, I actually hope it works :)

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Getting Ready

My swollen feet and legs are really ready to be finished with being pregnant, but I have really enjoyed the whole process. OK, maybe not the morning sickness, occasional heartburn and needing to pee eight times in the middle of the night, but I have loved the rest! I have loved feeling like within me, I have loved knowing that the love that my husband and I have for each other created this perfect little miracle!

The time, this whole 8 plus months has flown by! So much has changed and so much has happened and it all seems to have happened so fast. All the time we spent trying to get pregnant and month after month of waiting to test and hoping and crying feels so far away. Even the morning sickness feels like it was a lifetime ago and yet like no time has passed at all. Time is a funny thing I guess.

Our daughter's room is almost complete. There is one window valance that is stubbornly on back order and should be here in a few weeks, but other than that her room is ready for her - although, we have pretty much decided to keep her in bed with us, so she will never use it :) but it looks really beautiful and it makes me all the more excited for her arrival.

We took a tour of the hospital where we will deliver and even though they are not supposed to, they let us see one of the labor and delivery rooms and we got to talk with one of the nurses who really put my fears to rest. I have been hearing about the control issue the nurses have and how they like their routines and procedures and can get really nasty with you, but this women acted like everything I wanted to have happen would not be a big deal at all. The rooms are really nice with hard wood floors and a flat screen TV with a DVD player and a stereo system so we can play music or movies if we want to. There is blanket warmer in one corner and a fold out couch that turns into a full size bed.

Our plan is to labor at home until 6 centimeters and then head to the hospital just for the delivery, but if something happens and we need to go sooner or stay longer, I am feeling more comfortable about it. After the delivery, we will be moved to another floor and stay there for recovery or whatever. She said that 2 days was the standard, but I am going to ask the doctor about checking out right away and getting home to our own bed and stuff. I can't imagine why you would stay if everyone is doing fine enough to be moved to the other floor, but I will find out and if I need to stay two days, I'll stay two days, it's not a big deal!

I still want to put some more CD's onto my iPod - I can't imagine that I will want to listen to Rob Zombie during labor, but you never know and I want to be prepared! I also want to bake some cookies and muffins to put into the freezer and take with us for the nurses. I am not above bribery when it comes to the labor and delivery and care of myself and my daughter that I want!! I am thinking that I need to put together some food for my husband and the Doula while at the hospital too, non-perishable items, like cup-a-soups and juice boxes. I don't want anyone getting hungry (or leaving me for the cafeteria for that matter!)

Last thing that I need to do before being totally ready is to clean the house, I want to make sure that everything is really clean since I am sure that I will not feel like doing any cleaning for a while after Smug-Baby arrives. I need to file some paperwork and I have this overwhelming desire to clean out the bathroom drawers and toss all the outdated meds and crap in there. I sort of want to do this in the kitchen too, but we need a pantry style cabinet to put all the stuff we don't use much in, but we don't have the cash for that, so I probably will not tackle that job until later.

I have been taking a yoga class every week and I want to start swimming some, I feel like the water would be soothing to my hot swollen feet and the movement would get the blood circulating without putting the pressure of walking on my poor feet but things keep coming up, like my brother needing a ride to the store yesterday and having to work late today and meeting with the life insurance guy tonight. My plan is to go tomorrow, but we will have to see what odd unexpected thing pops up to keep me away. As a side note, I can no longer reach my legs well to shave them, so the gym is in for a treat!!

I hope that my daughter decides to come about 12 days early and here is why. I am working on this special project at work right now so I am not working in customer service at all, which is wonderful because I really hate working on customer service. So, I really want to complete this project which will be on Jan 27th or 28th and then I tie up last minute loose ends on the 29th before the weekend. Also, I have some pampering appointments set up for that Saturday Jan 30th. I am getting a hair cut, my eyebrows waxed, a manicure and pedicure and finally a 90 minute prenatal massage!! I figured that I not only will complete this project on time and looking fabulous, I have done almost 9 months of pregnancy without issue!! I deserve to feel pampered for a day! BTW - I will find a way to get my legs shaved for this stuff, even if I have to make my husband do it for me!

But then see, Monday I head back up to customer service and I really, really don't want to go back up there. It will undo all the pampering of the weekend! I would like to go into labor on the 31st - even the 1st as long as it is like before I have to leave for work at 5:15am (Yeah - yuck!) That way, I would be feeling all relaxed and pampered and geared up for the labor, delivery and start of my whole new world! I have heard that there are some pressure points that can bring on labor, so I will tell the massage chick to pressure away! I will also do anything else that I can think of to bring on labor that week! If Smug-Baby is not ready, it won't work so no harm in trying!!

I am so excited to meet my daughter! Now, if she would just stop pressing on my bladder all the live long day….

Friday, January 8, 2010

I Am Alive

I have been so caught up in the holidays and family and then getting a nasty head cold that I have not given blogging a second thought. Sorry about that, I know that you guys are waiting with bated breath for the next installment of my boring life!!

I have been really busy getting ready for Smug-Baby, we have about 5 weeks left (give or take) and I am anxious to make sure that stuff like the car seat is installed, the nursery is all set up just so, getting a tour of the hospital, getting the hospital bag ready, stuff like that. I actually only have the car seat installed yet, but I am working on the rest of it.

I have really fallen behind on everything! I am working to get caught up with the bills, the housecleaning, friends - everything. I feel like the holiday's just took everything, all my money and all my energy!

My husband's family was here for Christmas, so I had 4 extra people in my house for almost a week, which normally would have been fine, except we are in Virginia, where we got that 2 feet of snow the weekend before Christmas and it has still not melted due to record setting cold temperatures. I was not able to get my car up our driveway for almost 2 weeks!

Christmas was wonderful though with all that family from out of town plus all my family, we had two really big gatherings and at one Smug-Sister announced that she was expecting. Now, as you may remember, she lost a pregnancy and a tube just a matter of weeks ago (October 12 to be exact) and she is now over 8 weeks along, meaning that she got pregnant a mere 5 weeks after losing her baby and major surgery! She seems very happy and is having mild morning sickness, so I wish her the best. I know that I was not ready to try again 5 weeks after I lost my baby so it is hard for me in some ways, but I am trying to just let her live her life and worry about my own :)

After the holiday's and the family left, Hubby and I went up to Maryland for the Dallas/Redskins football game, which was like the coolest thing I have ever done in my life! I have never been to a professional game and I love football. Hubs is a Dallas fan and I am a Skins fan along with all my family, so it was great fun and good natured ribbing and lots of food - we tailgated for 8 hours before the game started!

Of course, the next day I had a sore throat and have been sick ever since. It is really hanging on too and I am really anxious for it to get along with it's bad self and leave me the hell alone!! I am tired of blowing my nose all day!!

What else… I am huge by the way! I am finding that I have to aim and plop when I go to sit down and have issues getting back up again. My knees are sore as are most of my joints and my feet and legs have been swelling a bit more than before. However, I am so excited about this baby and I will really miss being pregnant once she is born. I have had a good pregnancy overall and I like feeling my belly move and thinking about how amazing creating life is!!

I got my wedding photographer to take some really cool belly pictures for me this week and I can't wait tell I get them back and can post them here! I really wanted to make sure that this amazing pregnancy is captured with reverence! I will post as soon as I have them.

I think that is pretty much it. I will really try to update more often! I miss blogging and reading others!