Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Pink, Pink and More Pink

I was watching TV and folding laundry yesterday when there came a knock on my door. I was not expecting anyone, so I headed down and opened the door. There on the porch were my next door neighbors (The wife and two girls, the husband was not with them). The mom, Jen was holding the biggest gift bag you can buy, holding in both arms it was so big and heavy!

Once inside, I started digging into the gift bag and found an endless supply of cute baby girl clothes! There are two pairs of baby jeans, one with pink ruffle at the pockets and at the ankles and the other with scroll designs in pink down the legs. There is another pair of pants in a soft gray corduroy with corduroy ruffles at the pockets. There are several long sleeve onesies, one that says "My heart belongs to daddy", another that says "If you think I'm cute, you're right", another that just says "Princess" and other plain pink. There is also a pink jumper in corduroy with scroll designs in all kinds of colors, brown, green and more pink. There are several pairs of pink and white socks, along with a box of 440 baby wipes, a package of newborn diapers, two bibs (one says I love Mommy and the other I love Daddy) and a pink memory keepsake book.

I can't believe their generosity! They just moved into the house next door about 4 months ago, and while we have been friendly and had several on-the-way-into-the-house conversations, we have not yet become fast friends or anything. I am sure that my being sick and spending the summer locked in the air conditioned house not moving has had something to do with that!

Jen told me that they are going to start the process to adopt another baby as she is unable to have any more children. She told me how excited she is to be able to look at and purchase baby girl stuff again (her youngest is 5 years old). I am just so happy and grateful to have such nice neighbors!

Apparently, Smug-Hub has been bonding with her husband, Neil also. Jen told me that Neil is planning on helping Smug-Hub hang the new storm door this weekend! I have been wanting the door hung, so we can open the door and just have the screen there to project against bugs, but let in a nice breeze. Now that the fall weather is here, this will be all the more sweet!

I have decided that I can't wait any longer for Smug-Hub to get the projects done. I have to move ahead with my projects for getting the office area and guest room areas cleaned up, organized and usable. I also have to get the rest of the crap out of Smug-Baby's room and get that room painted and ready for decorating.

I figure if he gets around to getting the painting and shelving down in the big room (office/guest room) we will just move stuff out of the way. I can't wait until the last minute to get this stuff done. The office has to be done and usable before the baby comes, as I am smart enough to know that nothing is going to get done for a long time after the baby comes! Same with the nursery!

We are going next weekend to my aunt's house to pick up boxes and boxes of baby stuff that my cousin has been saving for me, so we are going to be short on room in the baby's room after that! I would love to get that room painted this weekend, but I don't think that I can do it myself (fumes and toxins and what not), and I don't want to distract Smug-Hub from the bathroom, shelving and storm door projects. I guess I should do some research on paint and if there is some brand that is safe for pregnant women to use.

I am also planning on getting the office organized this weekend. It is a very big job, but I think that I can get it done with some concentrated effort. This will be such a load off my mind to be able to file all the paperwork, shred all the bills, find my birthday's book (I have missed several birthday's since they are all recorded in that book and I CAN'T FIND IT!!!! Not to mention, if we do need to clear the room for painting and such, it will be much easier to move filed paperwork than loose paperwork. I will just have to repack in boxes the books and CD's that I have unpacked over the last 18 months and get them back in the garage until the shelving is built, whenever that is.

Anyway, it is nice to have a plan of action for myself that is not contingent on my darling husband!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

My Baby is a...

We had to wait almost 30 minutes after our appointment for them to take us and then the ultrasound took a good long time. The baby looked really good, she said that the kidney's looked very slightly enlarged and it could just be that they were full, but they would want to keep an eye on it. The baby was moving all over the place and even seemed to wave at us in one shot (we got a picture of that one!) Then she had us turn out heads while she checked out the lower half of our baby.

After the ultrasound, we met quickly with the doctor. He talked again about the baby's kidney's saying that 99 out of 100 times, it is fine at the next scan and was nothing to worry about.

He also told me that I have something called Plavia (sp?) which means that the placenta is currently covering the cervix, again most of the times that this happens it naturally moves out of the way and everything is fine. He said that the very worst case would be that it would not move and I would need a c-section. He said that it this point it was just something to watch and not something to worry about. I have been visualizing the placenta moving all evening and this morning. I am going to make it move if I have to!

Then we finally were able to leave the office and headed up to the star. It was slightly cold and foggy and misting rain, but we did not care. We poured glasses of sparkling grape juice before we opened the envelope with the little form and all the pictures.

It's a girl, we are having a girl! This is what I had known all along, but it was nice to once again have my instincts confirmed. I knew the weekend we conceived that we were pregnant and it was a girl. I was slightly concerned that my husband would be disappointed, but since he has not stopped grinning since we found out (he is currently grinning in his sleep this morning) I think that he is not too upset about the news!!

We held up the sign we made that said Girl to the web cam, but it was still too small for his family to read, so he just pointed to me and the family got it! They are all so happy - being that my husband is the oldest in his family of four brothers, they have been really wanting a girl in the family and his mother is overjoyed!

Then the cold started to get to us, so we headed home to prepare for the arrival of my family. They all arrived slightly early, so you know how excited and anxious everyone was to hear the news. My nephew headed to the back bedroom with us to hear the news.

When we told him that the baby was going to be a girl, he said that he had guessed girl and so had his mom (Smug-Sister). As we started to leave the room, he grabbed my hand and confessed that he was a little nervous. I asked him what he needed, did he want to hold my hand. He said that he needed my husband to hold him up.

We all came into the kitchen and Smug-Hub picked him up. He looked at the family all gathered waiting expectantly and said "I have an announcement... It's a GIRL!!" Everyone shrieked and clapped and started hugging each other. My dad, who said that it was a girl from the beginning, starting doing fist pumps in the air.

Then it was time to eat, we all ate until we were stuffed and then ate some more. My aunt and uncle from out of town arrived a bit later as they had been a few hours away for my cousin's soccer game and decided to come celebrate with us. We all sat around eating and drinking and talking and laughing for a while.

Mom and Smug-Sister and I all started getting tired and everyone finally departed about 9:30 (I know, we are all party animals!!) I made some phone calls to friends and other extended family to tell them the news and then fell asleep on the couch. Smug-Hub had to get me up and get me to bed about 10:30.

I am up this morning watching the sun rise and letting you guys know the news.

I am not surprised, but I am so happy! I am excited to go out and register today and start making some nursery decisions. I think that this really made things real for my husband - dare I hope that this will prompt him into action on the second bathroom??? Maybe not...

Welcome Smug-Baby to our family. My daughter. My heart. My whole world.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Really Hungry

Today has been strange. I have been hungry all day long. I have eaten a ton of food, starting with an apple and a pear this morning, followed by a huge bowl of steel cut oats with brown sugar, cranberries, raisins and sou milk. Then I ate 2 very large slices of pizza and just finished a PB&J! it is not even 1pm yet!!

I am normally hungry about the time that I have the ability to eat something and then it fills me up and I am fine until I have time to eat again (oh, the joys of being hourly - you can eat when they allow you to). Not today buddy! I have been needing to eat all the time. There was only about 30 minutes between the pizza and the sandwich!

I have a bowl of vegetable soup that I will probably need to eat before I head home today at 2pm and more soup and other stuff at the house, so I will be fine, it is just a bit crazy! I guess my little peanut is having a little growth spurt!

On that same topic, I have been feeling some... not really pains, but slight somethings in my lower abdomen, like almost a stretching feeling, so maybe she/he really is growing more this week.

I have some really big (to me) news that I can't wait to share, but I have to wait until tomorrow at least. If all goes well you'll know this news tomorrow. I am so excited about the future and with tomorrow finally revealing the big boy or girl question, my week could not get any better!!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Longest Week EVER

It is Wednesday. It is noon on Wednesday. I have most of Wednesday left. I have all of Thursday left. I have all day Friday until 3pm left. I have the whole doctor visit left. I have the drive to the special place left. I may not make it!

On Friday afternoon we will have the detailed ultrasound that will tell us if we are having a boy or a girl. At first I was so convinced that I wanted to wait to find out the sex until birth, but since the hubby really wanted to find out, I agreed (I figure he gets very little say in most of this pregnancy and birth). Now, I am so excited to find out that my head might actually explode. Which would be bad because most of my senses are located in my head and if it exploded I would have a hard time seeing or hearing the results!

We decided to have the technician put the results in an envelope along with any pictures and seal it. Then after the appointment, we will drive up the the Star (A huge star on the biggest mountain over looking my whole city. It is lit up with white and red lights and was (once) the largest man made star in the US - I actually have no idea if that title still holds). It is a very nice place for a special revealing. There is actually a web cam up there, so we are going to tell his family to tune in about 4:45 EST that day and we will be up there and have a sign to tell them the news!

We are going to head up to the star with a bottle of sparkling grape juice and open the envelope together, just us. After we know and celebrate with each other for a bit. We will head home and get ready to have the family over at 6 for dinner.

We are planning on taking my nephew aside and tell him, then my husband will hold him up and he can make the actual announcement to the family. What do you think? I have been toying with the idea of making everyone take bets and whoever is right gets a piece of chocolate or something - dumb?

Did I mention that I am excited??

I did find that Smitten Kitchen has had her baby! He is so adorable that I can hardly stand it! I can't believe that I will be holding someone just as precious and sweet and delicious

On a side note, two of the blogs that I read most days and feel like I have become part of their lives, have been having it rough. Virginia Belle just broke up with her fiance and must be hurting deeply, while Becks has been dealing with her own issues that have her down. I feel so badly that I am unable to help less their pain, while feeling a bit guilty about being so excited and happy when others I care about are feeling down. My thoughts and prayers are with you guys and I hope that things will begin looking up for you both very soon!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

So Much to Watch, So Little Space on the DVR

So, this weeks starts the premieres of all the new seasons of all the shows that I love! I have worked out a schedule of watching in the bedroom (which sucks a bit cause I can't fast forward the ads), recording on the DVR and leaving the TV open at times for the hubs to watch Fox News (yeecch) and sports cause I am a good wife that way!

Monday night is going to be the only night so far that is going to cause us issues. Monday night football is very important and also happens to be the full CBS lineup as well as House on Fox. We got lucky last night and had a meeting with our Doula, so everything recorded without sending my husband into palpitations as he knew he wasn't going to be able to watch anything anyway. I have to find a way to fit everything in next week though!

This does not even begin to cover all the hardships of finding time to watch all the stuff that I have recorded! Even with being able to skip all the ads, this TV watching takes up SO much time! I picked up Castle, Lie To Me, and The Mentalist over the summer and there are a couple of new shows that look like they might be decent (Eastwick, Hank, Three Rivers, etc). When will I watch everything?

What about after the baby comes? I can't imagine that I will have time to watch everything that I want to. I wonder if it will slowly go by the wayside, or if I will cut shows out of my life kicking and screaming.

BTW - change of subject just a bit! I can't tell you all how sad I am that Life was canceled. I think it was one of the best shows ever! I really loved it and I will very much miss it!

Anyway, I had better cut this short or I am never going to get to watching all this TV!!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Feeling the Baby

I think that I have been feeling the baby move. I feel little tingles, or popping sensations and sometimes even a bump like feeling, but nothing hard enough or consistent enough to really make me sure that it is the baby that I am feeling.

I was telling someone last night that I never gave my stomach or any of the feelings within my stomach much notice before I was pregnant, so I am not totally sure that I am distinguishing the baby from normal stomach stuff. I think that I will choose to believe that it is my child :)

Last night, I was laying in my husbands arms talking for a few minutes before I fell asleep and he was talking about my work issues and plans for our future when the baby started moving around a lot, more noticeable and more constant. My belly was pressed against his side and I got the feeling that the baby was reacting to his voice. When I told him that the baby was moving now that he was talking, he got so excited and said "let me keep talking" then he promptly could not think of anything to say. It was a nice moment.

I am almost finished with my book on Hypno Birthing and I am looking forward to the classes next month. I have a feeling that I am again on the cusp of great things. We are going to find out the sex next week and I am going to start feeling the baby move more and more. Then we have the childbirth classes and this is all going to start feeling more real than it does now.

I am so looking forward to my future! I don't care about the work pressures of yesterday, everything is going to work out fine and I am going to be successful and happy no matter what!!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

I Need Help!

have been up since 3am this morning. I have been thinking about my job and getting more and more upset. It started with entering my request to have the Friday after Thanksgiving off from work. I have taken this day off almost every year since I have been employed with this company. This is the holiday where all the aunts, uncles, cousins - everyone get together. We try to do this again at Easter, but Thanksgiving is when everyone makes the effort and we are all there. This year will be especially fun because they are planning a baby shower for you.

Well, my request was denied. Due to the fact that my new role puts me at the bottom of the food chain, and Black Friday is the busiest shopping day of the year, no one is allowed to have time off that weekend. So, no baby shower for me. No spending the weekend with my family. No seeing my cousins who have moved away. I am so upset about this.

I know that I could drive up to Richmond Thursday morning, back home Thursday night, and back up again Friday evening after work, but lets face it, that would suck! Besides being a waste of gas and my energy. It never occurred to me that I would not be "allowed" to take this time off. I have over 8 years of seniority! I have been with this company longer, by many years, than ANYONE else in my current department.

This is like the last straw I think. Not a huge big deal but it is the final insult or something. I think that I have to quit. I think that I have to take active steps to get out of this company. I tried to hang in there for things to turn around, for the economy to get better, but things have gotten better and I am still here. I am so unhappy in this position and it really shows! To my new boss, my co-workers, everyone.

This is supposed to be the happiest time in my life! I am having a baby, but I spend all my time upset and angry about this job. Its not just Thanksgiving of course. This is about being told to just do what I am told, about not being able to effect change or make a difference anymore. It's about being close to the top and now being at the bottom. Its about finally having my MBA and working a job the company hires high school students to do. Its about learning that my company that touts customer service ties the hands of its customer service people. Its about the people above me, in control and able to affect some change, being satisfied with the status quo. So, the plan is.... I have no idea!

I need some help! Maybe I could work for a temp service, doing temp jobs, short commitment positions until I have the baby. I have started helping out a few friends who own their small businesses with some bookkeeping and administrative work, perhaps that will turn into something more. Perhaps I could try to watch kids after school. I need something and I need to get out of here :(

I just want to cry...

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Very Boring Life

I must have a very boring life. I have such a hard time of think of stuff to blog about. Most of the time, this blog is more like my personal journal, but sometimes I wish that I had the talent to write about important social and political topics. I have to face facts though, I really don't care about most of the social and political topics enough to spend time ranting about them.

I would rather rant about my recent horrible experiences with two separate mothering groups.

Since I will soon be a mother, I want to connect with other mothers. I have been so wrapped up in finishing school (got an A for the last class BTW - ended up with a 3.829 GPA!! Go Me!!) that I have failed to cultivate many friendships with anyone let alone other mothers. So, I wanted to get involved and start making some connections. I want to make friends, I want to hear about how others are making ends meet financially, who likes what pediatrician and so on.

When I was growing up my mother was a La Lache League leader and I have fond memories of playing with the other kids and watching a room full of nursing mothers talking and laughing. So, I wanted to join the local LLL chapter and went to my first meeting on Monday. Yes, Monday, Labor Day.

First of all, the e-mail telling me about the meeting simply said that the meeting would be held at the hospital on the 13th floor - no room number or anything, just the 13th floor. When I arrived with Smug-Sister in tow (she would like to also be pregnant soon and I needed the moral support), the hospital information desk looked at me like I was speaking in tongues and mutely pointed to the bank of elevators - "Those will take you to the 13th floor." Upon arriving on the 13th floor, we found it completely deserted. We found the only conference room, but it was locked and dark - this about 10 minutes before the meeting was to begin.

We wandered down to the Labor and Delivery unit and asked the nurses who again looked at like we were insane and suggested the 12th floor, on which we repeated the same procedure. We ended up back at the locked conference room and I was trying to find the leaders phone number when she and other mother arrived. Since the conference room was locked, the leader spent another 10 minutes locating another room for us. Finally about 15 minutes after the meeting start time, we got settled.

Now, if I had been the leader, knowing that I had three brand new people, would have introduced LLL, had everyone introduce themselves, stuff like that. But there was none of that. She told us that she was just back from being out of town for the holiday weekend and was unprepared, so she wanted to just open the meeting up for discussion.

The new mother had an 11 week old baby and was in desperate need of support and help. The leader attempted to help where she could, but then that left Smug-Sister and I just staring at them. It was strange and uncomfortable to say the least.

I think that I will most certainly go to next months meeting. Being that this was a holiday and a leader that was not the normal leader of this group or time, I hope that I will be more impressed with the next meeting.

Then we move on to the Mothers and More Group. I had never heard of this group, but someone gave me a flier about them while I was in a restaurant one day reading my childbirth book. Anyway, their website for my local chapter stated that they have meetings every 2nd Tuesday. So I headed down there last night and I arrive to find the building dark and locked. I wanted until about 10 minutes after the start time of the meeting and then I called a phone number on the flier and sent an e-mail (the address also being on the flier). I simply asked if I had the wrong day or wrong location or what had happened.

I received a call back last night after I had turned my phone off (which I do, so my sleep will not be interrupted) from someone saying that they had had their big open house the previous week and were not able to do that and another meeting a week later. I actually knew about the open house thing, but it was held the same day and time as my last class, so I was not able to attend. There was nothing on their website about the open house causing a regular meeting to be skipped or anything.

This morning I received an e-mail stating much the same thing. Both were apologetic that I was left waiting and said that I should call/e-mail back to get more information about the group and the next meeting.

I think that I will still give them a chance, but there is something strange that I noticed in the e-mail. She was telling me about some of their activities and she said they had this, this and this, along with play dates and other activities where children were welcome. This strikes me as odd - does this mean that the "this, this and this" are NOT child friendly? How can you have a mothering group and not welcome the children?

I am not too worried about it at the moment, since my child accompanies me everywhere right now, but I am not sure that I want to be part of a group of mothers who use this as an escape from their kids. I am having this baby because I want to HAVE this baby. The last thing I want to do is have obligations that require me to leave my baby or child.

I see this a lot with certain mothers who complain about not getting enough "Me time" it's like they have forgotten that they had "me time" all throughout growing up, high school, college, their 20's whatever! Now, you are a mom/dad - now you have chosen to put someone else before yourself by having and keeping your child.

It is not a sacrifice to be around your kids, its a joy! Why did you have kids if you did not want to be around them, take care of them, do things with them?? I am not saying that by being a mother you should never want to do things without your children, but I can't imagine waiting SO long for this baby that I have wanted since I was 12 years old and then wanting to be away from her/him on a regular basis!!

I personally think that some people have children for the wrong reasons, or perhaps have them too young. They are not mature enough to understand the new role they have taken on. That is just my opinion and perhaps you will see me writing later about my burning need for "me time", but as it stands now, I don't want babysitters - hell, I am not sure that I will allow anyone else to hold my baby until she/he is at least 10 years old!! :)

Anyway, back to the mothering meetings. I was really frustrated by the whole experience. I felt like I dragged myself to make these meetings when I was tired and really needed to be home resting instead because it is important to me. I even refused to take home my leftovers in a doggy bag when I had dinner, because I knew that I wasn't going to be going home until late and they would not have lasted in the hot car.

I will give both groups another try next month, but if they fail me again....well.... I guess nothing :)

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Today is the Day!

Today is the last day of school - forever! At least until my little peanut gets ready to head off on his or her own academic career. Tonight, I will give my final school related presentation, say goodbye to my classmates and instructors. Tonight, will be the first night of the rest of my life!

I have been on this journey for so long. I was telling someone that I started taking general education classes with this day, this goal in mind in 1999. Granted, I was only able to take a class or two at a time, and it has taken me 10 years to get both a 4 year degree and a 2 year degree, but all that will be behind me after tonight. In about 12 hours, I will officially be free!!

I am taking tomorrow off work to spend the day basking in the glory that is being free and being an MBA!

I have plans - big plans!! Now that I have my MBA I just need to win the lottery to be able to pay off the $90,000.00 in student loans that I have accumulated over the last 10 years and enough to pay off my house, so we can afford to live on my husbands income and I can be a stay at home mom for a couple of years. I know what you are thinking - "Man, she is not wasting anytime putting that degree to good work"

I want to do something really big to commemorate this occasion, but I can only think about sleeping in, reading something trashy (since I have been reading nothing but textbooks for the last 10 years), and getting a massage or my nails done. I will probably end up spending the day in bed or something equally as gluttonous!

I was laying in bed, falling asleep last night thinking about today being the beginning of this whole range of great things that are going to be happening the rest of the year and into next.

First, I finish school, 9/22 is my anniversary, 9/25 we find out if we are having a boy or a girl. In October, we have our childbirth classes, my birthday and my Dad's birthday. In November, my brother will get out of jail, and we have Thanksgiving (my favorite holiday of the year). In December we will have some baby showers, the actual graduation ceremony, and Christmas, then there is New Years and Will and Jerrod's birthday's, and then the Baby will be here!! Everything is coming together. I am so happy!!

I have this great life! Even the stuff that makes me unhappy (like my job right now) can't even be considered THAT bad! I know people who have been out of work altogether for a long time and I have read about people losing their homes and living in tents and the like. I have so much to be thankful for and I know that everything financially will work out too!