Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Rough Night

So we had our first really rough night last night, baby girl had been fussy and gassy all day and when it was time for sleep, she was not interested. Finally at 9:45, I asked Smug-Hub to take her and see if he could get her to sleep and let me go on to bed. I thought this was reasonable since I have to get up at 4:30 and he could sleep in. I actually had to wake him to ask this since he had, as usual, fallen asleep on the couch. He suggested that we all go to bed together and see if she would fall asleep. This royally pissed me off and here’s why. If we all went to bed, I would be nursing a totally awake baby, thus I would be totally awake and he would fall asleep and start snoring within about 37 seconds.

This was his way of trying to get out of baby duty and I was none too pleased about it. So, he finally took over and I went to bed. He brought her to me, asleep, about 10:15 (I’d been asleep for about 7 minutes) and she promptly woke up. I also give him the credit for this as he kept making noise – pouring water into his CPAP machine, talking to me, etc., and then said that I should nurse and see if she would fall back asleep. So I did, she was not interested in sleeping and the more I forced the boob on her the more she drank, resulting in a nice big throwing up session all over the bed… my side of the bed. Meanwhile, Smug-Hub just looks at me! That’s right, the bed, the baby and I are all covered in puke and he is laying there trying to sleep. I lost my temper a bit and told him to take her and change her and get her back to sleep! It was his turn!!

He brought her back to bed about midnight (I slept about an hour, but kept waking when she would cry) and she slept without further incident until I got up at 4:30 for work (so, that is a total of… 5 hours and 37 minutes of constantly interrupted sleep for me). As soon as I left the bed she woke up so I went back and nursed her back to sleep. I feel that she may have stayed asleep if Smug-Hub had not turned off the CPAP so he could hear her and then promptly fell back asleep and began snoring to beat the band! Anyway, I nursed her until she fell back asleep and then went to shower. When I got out I could hear her up and Smug-Hub was bouncing her; she was awake but calm.

I completed getting ready for work and then nursed her again until time to leave for work and when I left, they were both sleeping. I hope that she sleeps a good long time this morning and Smug-Hub is able to rest. I would like him to understand that I don’t have the option of sleeping in; I have to go to work at that time of the morning without fail. I hope that he can understand that the boob is not the answer for everything and he is capable of getting her to sleep (he does in the mornings when I’m not there so…) and that he should take the night shift so I can be rested for work.

I do have the ability to take a nap when she does during the day, if she sleeps and if there isn’t anything else I have to do. Today, I am getting Will off the bus at 2pm, so if she sleeps between 11 and 1:30, then I can nap too, but if not…

I just want Smug-Hub to do his part and most of the time he does, but when he is tired, he doesn’t really care about doing for others. He is tired and falls asleep on the couch most evenings right after dinner. He does this because he stays up watching TV until 1 or 2 in the morning most nights then gets up and works all day, and then comes home, eats a meal and falls asleep. Then he wakes up about 9:30, when Smug-Baby and I are generally going to bed. This means he feels refreshed and able to stay up. Sunday night he stayed up until almost 3 and then when I left for work Monday morning, Smug-Baby did not sleep long, so he was up with her – his own fault. When he got home last night he was really beat. I get it, but this could have been avoided if he had gone to bed at a decent hour Sunday night. Then he would not have been so tired last night and been able to be better help to me.

OK, done ranting! He really does more than a lot of fathers I know, so I really shouldn't complain too much. He loves me and Smug-Baby
and did finally step up last night. I guess I feel guilty that he was so tired and I made him stay up and take baby duty so I could sleep. Even though I know it was the right thing for him to do, I feel guilty taking from others for myself. I feel guilty trying to sleep while someone else suffers.

1 comment:

  1. oh man it's such a tough time. esp if you're nursing. i totally understand where you're coming from. even when i quit nursing and bottle fed...i still did the majority of the night feedings/baby stuff. i dunno why but it seems like a lot of men are like this. maybe cause we let them be? i dunno.