Thursday, June 26, 2008

My body is playing tricks on me

So, I have been off the pill since February, all my periods have been pretty regular (between 28-31 days). Until this month. A midwife friend of my mom's gave me some natural progesterone cream, which I started using about a week before I was due to start my period.

This cream is supposed to help the body get back into it's own natural rhythm, thus increasing the chances that the body will ovulate more regularly and also help decrease the chances for miscarriage in early pregnancy.

At 35 days I took a pregnancy test, it was negative. I called the midwife and while she did not think that the cream would cause my cycle to be late, she suggested that I stop using the cream and see if my period started. If it didn't in about 5 more days, take another test. Today is day 39, and I woke up this morning with the burning desire to take the test - negative again!

I have called my doctor and spoke to the nurse and she doesn't think that, if the tests are still saying negative, that I am pregnant. She is going to check with the doctor and see if she thinks that the cream would have anything to do with messing me up.

I am going to wait until Saturday to call the midwife back, if I still haven't started, and another test is still negative. I don't think that I am pregnant due to the fact that my husband and I have only been intimate 3 times since my last period and all 3 were interrupted before completion. I know that you can still get pregnant without a full completion, but the chances are much less and the freaking test is still negative.

I have heard about people that have normal periods during their first 3 months of pregnancy, and stories about false negative pregnancy tests, but when you add everything together, it doesn't seem likely that I would be pregnant.

This whole process is making me angry at my husband for 2 reasons. First, and probably mostly, because he is there and makes an easy target. Second, if he were as excited about getting pregnant and I am, wouldn't he want to have sex more often? I know that he is having a major meltdown at work right now, and he is stressed out all the time, but really? No desire for sex?

For me, I can say that the first time we made love and I knew that we could be making a baby, I was more turned on than I have ever been in my life! I have such an increased sex drive now, from the desire to conceive as well as (probably) getting off the artificial hormones in the birth control pill. I am not able to pull off the seduction type thing, I want him to want me and want a baby as much as I do. I think that is the sexiest thing ever!

I feel like I need to find a support group for women how have become obsessed with conception. I don't want this to drive a wedge between us, but we have discussed this over and over. Each time we talk, I suggest trying to pinpoint the perfect date, or trying to have sex every other day. He feels this is planning or a schedule and he doesn't want that. I tell him that my sex drive is huge now that I am off the pill, and he says that this is great and we will have sex more often. Then nothing happens! I try to seduce him, or talk dirty or whatever - he is not interested most of the time, or we get into it and then he stops.

I am concerned that a couple of things may be effecting his libido. It could be that the thought of making a baby is scary to him and thus causes him to lose his "interest". It could be that the increased stress at work is causing his sex drive to be way down. It could be that he perceives my increased sex drive as just using him as a tool to get what I want. It could be that his sleep apnea is causing him to have low energy and low interest.

I just hope that this missed period thing does not have something to do with my age or is an indicator of future fertility issues. I just want a normal cycle, a normal conception, and a normal pregnancy. I know, I know - stop stressing about it, stop worrying about it - I don't seem able :(

I don't know how....

UPDATE: Doctor's office just called back and they don't think that the cream caused the missed period. They said that they would not be able to give me anything to make me start until I have missed 3 consecutive periods. They also don't think that I am pregnant, but suggested taking a test about every 2 weeks. I think that I am going to get some of those ovulation tests and see if that tells me anything...


  1. Sounds like a lot of money for tests, Smug. Not much point in that until you get that coitus situation squared away. If my own reactions to your post are any indicator, your "tool" and " baby scary" explanations ring true. Good luck to the both of you--and try to be patient about the process. It'll work out in time.

  2. this "I have such an increased sex drive now, from the desire to conceive" is so true of me too! if you do join that forum that i'm on please tell me and i'll bring you into our group:) i can relate to this!