Friday, June 27, 2008

Chill Pill

I have got to chill out! I am making myself and my darling husband nuts! My emotions have been bouncing all over the place. I think that it must be the fall out from my missed period, but I feel on the verge of tears a lot, angry most of the time, and really tired - oddly, these are all the symptoms of depression according to the TV commercial.

My mom thinks that my grandmother's death may be the cause for my body being out of whack. She said that she has heard about tons of women who's cycles are effected when they have some thing cause them major stress or major grief. I hope that it just gets back in line soon - I really don't want to start my period while we are in ABQ next week, that would just suck to have cramps and whatever while I am trying to get some R & R!!

I don't think that I am depressed, just overloaded. With all that has been happening lately, with the school pressures, work stuff, family stuff, pregnancy stuff, my grandmother's death, and basics of life. It all just builds up and you need some down time. I have been looking so forward to this trip! I hope that I can keep from crying about it or yelling about it :)

I had this dream the other night and woke up from it yesterday morning feeling very frisky. I attempted to wake up my husband for a little morning fun, but he hollered at me that it was 6:20 in the morning and to let him sleep God damn it! I sort of found this funny, that I was trying to do something to him most men would not mind waking up to, and I get yelled at. I laughed and said "Maybe we should go to marriage counseling, I am concerned about you" My husband went right back to snoring and I did not give it another thought.

He seemed distant all day yesterday, but I was not really concerned about it because he has been telling me a lot about all the work stress he is under. When we got home from work yesterday, at 5:30 he went into the bedroom and fell asleep. He stayed there until 7am this morning. When I questioned him about it this morning and voiced concerns that he was sleeping so much and being distant. He started yelling at me that I knew why he was upset and ignoring it was not going to make it go away. I told him that I understood about the pressure he was under at work, but it was not my fault. He laughed (in a mean way) surprised that I did not know what he was talking about. Apparently, the marriage counseling comment from the morning before really pissed him off and he has been angry at me this whole time.

This really pissed me off, because, for one thing it was a joking comment. But more importantly, he did not mention it to me at all. He just treated me with the cold shoulder all day and all night (pushed my hand away when I put my arm around him when I came to bed). Here I thought it was all about work, and he was being pissed. If he had talked to me about it at the time, I could have apologized and told him that it was just a joke, but instead, he chose to be pissed at me.

He says that marriage counseling is nothing to joke about and that after that incident I yelled at him to get up and told him that I was leaving without him. I explained that the marriage counseling comment was at 6:20, while the yelling about leaving without him was at 7:40 - a full 10 minutes after we were supposed to have left the house for work.

He said that he would get over being pissed at me if I would just drop the subject, but my talking about it was pissing him off even more. He will get over it and I should just let him. This pissed me off big time - he gets to be pissed about something, rail on me about it, and I am not supposed to respond, explain or defend myself.

I told him that I would get over it too but it might take me longer. I have not seen much of him today, but he is acting more normal and I am trying to "get over it". I am going to talk to him about it later, hopefully when I am not so mad about the whole thing. I am not really upset that he got upset, misunderstandings happen and I have been in kind of a shitty mood lately, so I can totally understand him not getting the joke. However, I am really angry that his answer was not to discuss it with me and to just spend the next 24 hours being mad at me. This is not acceptable, our marriage deserves better.

We will get past this issue and we both still love each other deeply. I know that marriages have growing pains and we will probably be stronger for this having happened. I just want to be pissed at him right now. Hmmm, maybe that is what he was feeling yesterday....

1 comment:

  1. *hugs* part n parcel of the whole relationship thingy, eh?