Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Divine Order

I have been struggling with something as this pregnancy draws ever closer to being complete. I truly believe that everything that happens in life happens for a reason and even the "bad" things that happen happen to bring a person to a better place. Meaning that even bad stuff happens for good reasons and if you look for it you can see the reason, the good in what happened.

I have been thinking a lot about Smug-Baby's birth and all the fear and pain and struggles we went through t get her home. I have fears that something bad will happen surrounding Little-Smug's birth too. I feel like I can't find the good in what happened with her birth and I don't look back at it and say "I learned..." or that by going through that with her made Smug-Hub and I stronger or that we appreciate her more than we would have.

I am afraid that perhaps I didn't learn what I should have learned for her situation and therefore I still have that lesson to learn and will be given an opportunity to learn it again by something bad happening with my son's birth.

I talked all this over with mom and she said that if nothing else, I learned that I could do hard. I had this horrible thing happen in my life, to my precious child, and I survived... we all did. We lived and we made good, strong decisions for our child and she not only got better, she thrives and is super strong and amazingly smart with no lasting effects (as far as we can tell) from having gone through what she did.

I don't want something to go wrong with my son's birth and I want his birth to be perfect, but if something does go wrong and we are thrust into another horrible situation, we will survive it and we will be stronger because if it.

I believe in divine order and that everything in life happens for a reason and I trust in that.

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