Thursday, May 29, 2008

Family, The Ties That Bind And Gag!

This week has been very emotional for me. It seems that each one of my family members is going through something tough and have come to me as a sounding board, or venting vehicle. I love being there for my family, but to have all of them leaning on me at once is hurting my back :) I can't fix any of their issues and that is really hard for me. I want to help, I want to take their various pains away and I can't.

My husband tries to help me by advising that I should not allow the family to "dump their baggage on me" and I know that he is trying to look out for my best interest and is unhappy with my depressed state, but listening seems to be the only thing I can do to help my family. I can't and won't turn someone away when I can help them, even if it is only by listening. I normally love to hear from my family and discuss the things that are bothering them and helping them talk out solutions. It just all hit at once yesterday.

I was so drained that I just wanted to crawl under the covers and sleep - but I didn't! I went to the gym! I worked out for an hour! I did 30 minutes on the Arc Trainer (Which I totally love BTW!) and then upper body weights. I listened to some kick ass music and got sweaty! I did feel better while working out, got out of my head! I was still emotionally drained however, and did not eat well last night. I have mostly only good foods in my house, but the ease of obtaining crap food is way too easy. I think that I am going to talk to my husband about helping keep me from cheating whenever possible.

I have also come to a new body image idea, which I think is healthy. I am planning on getting pregnant as soon as possible. This means that my body is going to be getting bigger, not smaller. I need to appreciate the body that I have now, and understand that I may never look this good again. I may someday be totally excited about being small enough to fit into the "fat" clothes I wear now. I need to focus on being healthy, and if some weight comes off - great! If not, that's fine too.

The only important thing is being a healthy vessel for growing a new life. If I focus on the baby and wanting to be a good mother then I need to focus on eating the foods that are going to help me be the healthiest I can be. When I start thinking about eating something bad for me, I have to think about the baby. This way, once I actually get pregnant and start craving ice cream all the time - I can give in to those cravings some knowing that I have established good habits for 95% of the time!

1 comment:

  1. I understand your being tempted by junk food and ice cream, Smug. I've been good for a month and I suspect June will see me eating too much bad stuff. It's very difficult to stay healthy for long periods of time. I hope you do better than I, Smug.