Wednesday, January 14, 2009


I have few friends. I have had a lot of friends in the past, but they have, one by one, drifted away or moved on. I have had a lot of friends in the past who, I feel, took advantage of my friendship. borrowing everything from books and movies to money without returning them. I have dealt with people with abusive husbands, people with drug problems, and people that were just self involved and the friendship became totally one-sided.

All of this past experience has led me to be a bit gun shy when it comes to making meaningful friendships.

I bring this up, because I have recently gotten to know a women and I would very much like to be her friend. I can talk to her for long hours, I love her husband, we get together as couples quite a lot and always hang out well into the wee hours talking and laughing. I love them as people and we have a lot in common and seem to have similar values and ideals.

What's the problem you say? I find that I don't make the first move to get together with her on my own. She has called me just to talk, but I have not reciprocated. I mentioned to her that I was going to a thing this weekend and she asked if we could go together. Why didn't I ask her if she wanted to go with me first?

I am nervous about putting myself out there, opening up to a new friendship, and yet I am also nervous about giving this person the wrong impression that I don't want a friendship, when I really, really do.

I have told myself for years that I am too busy for friends and that is partly true, but the real reason is that I have been burned by friendships and am scared to start one that may end badly. I like this couple so much, that it would just break my heart if the friendship were to break down.

I really only have one person that I call a friend here locally, and one other person out of state, but other than my husband, mom and sister, my group of friends is non-existent. Why am I shy to invite this woman out for brunch or to a movie? Perhaps it is the same reason that I held my husband as such arms length when we first started dating. I don't tend to have the best taste in men, or be the best judge of character. I have been deeply hurt when a friend has ditched me for a boyfriend, or just stopped returning my phone calls, or I was ditched when I stopped loaning money, or when once helping someone pack for a move, noticed several of my books in her "to trash" pile.

I want friends, and I want to continue to develop the friendship with this person and her husband and I am going to try really hard to put past hurts behind me and hopefully form a lasting friendship - then I will be able to say that I have friends, not just a friend!!


  1. Sounds like you're friends already. They sometimes take tiem to mature. I bet you get 'there' sonner rather than later.

  2. you can do it! i've been through this before...and it really just takes opening up and giving her a chance!