Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Can't Wait!

My brother graduated from college this past weekend and I went up there to celebrate with him and the rest of my family. I ended up missing the actual graduation because Smug-Baby was napping right when we needed to leave and I needed her to be rested, so I stayed at the house. It worked out well actually, because by the time everyone arrived back home, I had the BBQ heated and all the trays of food laid out so everyone could start eating as soon as they walked through the door. It was a good party and I am glad that I could be part of it, however, it was exhausting chasing Smug-Baby all over a non-baby-proofed house all weekend!!

While I was there, I was able to have a nice conversation with my cousin. Normally, I see my extended family twice a year, Easter and Thanksgiving and while I love the visits they consist of a lot of running around trying to visit with everyone and no real deep conversations, so this was nice to have an hour just to talk about stuff. We talked about relationships and communication and stuff like that. I am not sure how we got talking about it, but I told her all about my birth with Smug-Baby.

Not the after-effects of the NICU or anything like that, but the actual labor and delivery. I realized that I am very proud of having given birth to my daughter! I realized that I am looking forward to delivering Little-Smug just as much! I realized that I have been so focused on feeling afraid of what could happen and how the doctor could mess things up, that I have not focused on what an amazing thing it is to bring a child into the world!

I have no fear of labor, no fear that I will not be up to the task. I know that my body is designed for giving birth and that I labor very well. I know that Smug-Baby paved the way for her little brother or sister to slide easily into the world and I know that if something goes wrong it will not be because I was frozen by fear!

I am looking so forward to my labor and my delivery this time. I know what to expect and I know what it will feel like and I am looking forward to embracing the sensations that will bring my child to my arms! I am looking forward to that incredible high that comes after delivering your child naturally! Those hormones released and I felt like a super-hero! I could have leapt tall buildings in a single bound after giving birth and I can't wait to do it again!!

When I was pregnant with Smug-Baby so many people told me how labor was so horrible and how I would take the drugs when the time came and how I was silly to think that I could handle the pain. I wanted to try. I felt like there was some kind of feminine power that came from giving birth and I wanted to connect to that power, to feel all the women of generations past lifting me up and carrying me through. I still feel like there is something to be said for connecting to your female power by giving birth, but when the time came, I wasn't thinking about connecting to my heritage, I was counting and working and thinking about meeting my daughter, and I have to say, it really wasn't all that big a deal. It wasn't the most fun I've had in my life, but the pain was totally doable and I never felt like I couldn't do it, or that I needed something to help with the pain, it just wasn't bad!

But the high when it was all over!!!!! Man of man was that amazing!!! I want it to be different this time, because I think that having all those super-hero hormones washing over you while actually holding the child you just delivered would make the high even higher!!! I can't wait to give birth and meet this new little person who has chosen to come be part of our family!!

OK, moving on :)

Becks turned me on to a new app for my iPhone, called Big Lens! Here are a few pictures that I took using it and it is really cool!!

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