So we had our first really rough night last night, baby girl had been fussy and gassy all day and when it was time for sleep, she was not interested. Finally at 9:45, I asked Smug-Hub to take her and see if he could get her to sleep and let me go on to bed. I thought this was reasonable since I have to get up at 4:30 and he could sleep in. I actually had to wake him to ask this since he had, as usual, fallen asleep on the couch. He suggested that we all go to bed together and see if she would fall asleep. This royally pissed me off and here’s why. If we all went to bed, I would be nursing a totally awake baby, thus I would be totally awake and he would fall asleep and start snoring within about 37 seconds.
This was his way of trying to get out of baby duty and I was none too pleased about it. So, he finally took over and I went to bed. He brought her to me, asleep, about 10:15 (I’d been asleep for about 7 minutes) and she promptly woke up. I also give him the credit for this as he kept making noise – pouring water into his CPAP machine, talking to me, etc., and then said that I should nurse and see if she would fall back asleep. So I did, she was not interested in sleeping and the more I forced the boob on her the more she drank, resulting in a nice big throwing up session all over the bed… my side of the bed. Meanwhile, Smug-Hub just looks at me! That’s right, the bed, the baby and I are all covered in puke and he is laying there trying to sleep. I lost my temper a bit and told him to take her and change her and get her back to sleep! It was his turn!!
He brought her back to bed about midnight (I slept about an hour, but kept waking when she would cry) and she slept without further incident until I got up at 4:30 for work (so, that is a total of… 5 hours and 37 minutes of constantly interrupted sleep for me). As soon as I left the bed she woke up so I went back and nursed her back to sleep. I feel that she may have stayed asleep if Smug-Hub had not turned off the CPAP so he could hear her and then promptly fell back asleep and began snoring to beat the band! Anyway, I nursed her until she fell back asleep and then went to shower. When I got out I could hear her up and Smug-Hub was bouncing her; she was awake but calm.
I completed getting ready for work and then nursed her again until time to leave for work and when I left, they were both sleeping. I hope that she sleeps a good long time this morning and Smug-Hub is able to rest. I would like him to understand that I don’t have the option of sleeping in; I have to go to work at that time of the morning without fail. I hope that he can understand that the boob is not the answer for everything and he is capable of getting her to sleep (he does in the mornings when I’m not there so…) and that he should take the night shift so I can be rested for work.
I do have the ability to take a nap when she does during the day, if she sleeps and if there isn’t anything else I have to do. Today, I am getting Will off the bus at 2pm, so if she sleeps between 11 and 1:30, then I can nap too, but if not…
I just want Smug-Hub to do his part and most of the time he does, but when he is tired, he doesn’t really care about doing for others. He is tired and falls asleep on the couch most evenings right after dinner. He does this because he stays up watching TV until 1 or 2 in the morning most nights then gets up and works all day, and then comes home, eats a meal and falls asleep. Then he wakes up about 9:30, when Smug-Baby and I are generally going to bed. This means he feels refreshed and able to stay up. Sunday night he stayed up until almost 3 and then when I left for work Monday morning, Smug-Baby did not sleep long, so he was up with her – his own fault. When he got home last night he was really beat. I get it, but this could have been avoided if he had gone to bed at a decent hour Sunday night. Then he would not have been so tired last night and been able to be better help to me.
OK, done ranting! He really does more than a lot of fathers I know, so I really shouldn't complain too much. He loves me and Smug-Baby
and did finally step up last night. I guess I feel guilty that he was so tired and I made him stay up and take baby duty so I could sleep. Even though I know it was the right thing for him to do, I feel guilty taking from others for myself. I feel guilty trying to sleep while someone else suffers.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Mother’s Day – The First of Many!
First it is important to know that I was feeling very bitter about Mother’s Day. This would be my first, the day I have been waiting my whole life to celebrate! The reason behind this was that my husband had to be out of town for work. While I was initially disappointed, I understood that the company was forcing him to work and that was that. Then, later, I found out that he could have canceled and chose not to. He kept saying things like “it’s not a big deal” and “the company is paying me to fish – to do my passion” and “there will be lots of Mother’s Day’s” and “we can just do Mother’s Day on Friday or the next weekend”
He seemed incapable of understanding how important this day was to me and how you don’t get a second first! So, I dropped the subject but deep down I felt like a part of my love for him was dying. How could I have married someone who did not have a clue and worse did not seem to care that this was so important to me – even if he didn’t think it was.
Then a few days ago, he came to me and told me that he had been thinking about it and that you don’t get a second first, so he was going to come home early on Sunday to spend Mother’s Day with Smug-Baby and I.
I got up Saturday morning after spending some time in bed with my sweet baby girl and found that when he had left earlier that morning, he had placed a dozen white roses in a vase on the table for me. I knew that he had finally realized how special this day was to me.
Sunday morning, Smug-Baby slept really long – like 9 hours long!! Then we got up and got dressed and headed out to find a baptism gift my friend, Jenna, who was having her baby, Toren, baptized that morning. I chose some board books, like “Goodnight Moon” and others for him. Then Smug-Baby
and I headed out to their church. They had rocking chairs set up in the back of the church for mothers with babies, so my friend Kelly and I sat there and nursed and rocked our babies throughout the service.
The service was very nice and when it was over I gave her my gift and took my leave. I then headed to my mom’s and presented her with the coasters I’d made with Smug-Baby’s footprints on them and a shawl. We talked a bit and took a tour of her garden before I left to go meet Smug-Hub.
We met at my favorite Indian restaurant who was having a special Mother’s Day buffet and I don’t think that they were expecting such a large turnout because as soon as they brought out more food, plates, bowls, etc. they were snatched up by the hungry masses J We ate ourselves silly and Smug-Baby was very good, just sitting on one of our laps and watching the people go by.
After that we came home and Smug-Hub gave me a sweet card and pair of earrings, little hoops with an amethyst in between two diamonds. They are really special and something I can pass down to Smug-Baby
when she is older.
We spent the rest of the day relaxing and getting ready for work the next day. It was a wonderful, lovely day and I am so blessed to have such an amazing family!!
He seemed incapable of understanding how important this day was to me and how you don’t get a second first! So, I dropped the subject but deep down I felt like a part of my love for him was dying. How could I have married someone who did not have a clue and worse did not seem to care that this was so important to me – even if he didn’t think it was.
Then a few days ago, he came to me and told me that he had been thinking about it and that you don’t get a second first, so he was going to come home early on Sunday to spend Mother’s Day with Smug-Baby and I.
I got up Saturday morning after spending some time in bed with my sweet baby girl and found that when he had left earlier that morning, he had placed a dozen white roses in a vase on the table for me. I knew that he had finally realized how special this day was to me.
Sunday morning, Smug-Baby slept really long – like 9 hours long!! Then we got up and got dressed and headed out to find a baptism gift my friend, Jenna, who was having her baby, Toren, baptized that morning. I chose some board books, like “Goodnight Moon” and others for him. Then Smug-Baby
and I headed out to their church. They had rocking chairs set up in the back of the church for mothers with babies, so my friend Kelly and I sat there and nursed and rocked our babies throughout the service.
The service was very nice and when it was over I gave her my gift and took my leave. I then headed to my mom’s and presented her with the coasters I’d made with Smug-Baby’s footprints on them and a shawl. We talked a bit and took a tour of her garden before I left to go meet Smug-Hub.
We met at my favorite Indian restaurant who was having a special Mother’s Day buffet and I don’t think that they were expecting such a large turnout because as soon as they brought out more food, plates, bowls, etc. they were snatched up by the hungry masses J We ate ourselves silly and Smug-Baby was very good, just sitting on one of our laps and watching the people go by.
After that we came home and Smug-Hub gave me a sweet card and pair of earrings, little hoops with an amethyst in between two diamonds. They are really special and something I can pass down to Smug-Baby
when she is older.
We spent the rest of the day relaxing and getting ready for work the next day. It was a wonderful, lovely day and I am so blessed to have such an amazing family!!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Alexander's Not The Only One...
So, today is turning into a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (did you ever read that book?). Anyway, it started out with Smug-Baby being awake and wanting to nurse all night long. She was very restless, which in turn kept waking me up to hook her back on. When I got ready to get into the shower, she was asleep, but not deeply and I could hear her screaming from the shower. Her dad tried everything, but she simply wanted to nurse, so I jumped back in bed and tried to get her fed and back to sleep. She nursed and started to fall back asleep, but instead projected spit up all over herself, me, the bed and her dad!
Then, on the way into work, I stopped to get gas in the truck for Smug-Hub; I thought it would be a nice little gesture of love, one less thing for him to do, etc. Well, I haven’t put gas in the truck before and I was a little far from the pump, once I got the gas pumping and the little leaver in place to keep the gas pumping, I was going to wash the windshield, so I went to step over the gas line, caught my foot on the black rubber hose and ripped the pump out of the tank, and sprayed gas all over everything! All over the truck, the pavement and me!
Yes ladies and gentlemen, I sprayed gas all over my clothes, in my hair, in my eye, up my nose and in my mouth! Please, no one light a match!! My eye was burning (and still is actually), while I completed the task of putting the gas actually into the truck and went on into work. I was only 1 minute from the office and 20 minutes from home. I washed my face and flushed my eye with water. There wasn’t much I could do about my clothes, so I called Smug-Hub and asked him to bring me some more, and the smell is better, but it is still in my hair so I can’t get rid of it completely.
Once that was under control, I decided to make some breakfast and proceeded to overflow my oatmeal all over the microwave. This has a two-fold result, the first being a messy clean up and the second, it leaves me will very little actual oatmeal to consume, thus leaving me hungry and not a little bit cranky.
I got up to shower and 4:30 this morning when this day from hell began and it is only 6:45am now!! Oh God – I have a lot more hours left in this day, please help me to not kill or maim anyone else or myself!!
Then, on the way into work, I stopped to get gas in the truck for Smug-Hub; I thought it would be a nice little gesture of love, one less thing for him to do, etc. Well, I haven’t put gas in the truck before and I was a little far from the pump, once I got the gas pumping and the little leaver in place to keep the gas pumping, I was going to wash the windshield, so I went to step over the gas line, caught my foot on the black rubber hose and ripped the pump out of the tank, and sprayed gas all over everything! All over the truck, the pavement and me!
Yes ladies and gentlemen, I sprayed gas all over my clothes, in my hair, in my eye, up my nose and in my mouth! Please, no one light a match!! My eye was burning (and still is actually), while I completed the task of putting the gas actually into the truck and went on into work. I was only 1 minute from the office and 20 minutes from home. I washed my face and flushed my eye with water. There wasn’t much I could do about my clothes, so I called Smug-Hub and asked him to bring me some more, and the smell is better, but it is still in my hair so I can’t get rid of it completely.
Once that was under control, I decided to make some breakfast and proceeded to overflow my oatmeal all over the microwave. This has a two-fold result, the first being a messy clean up and the second, it leaves me will very little actual oatmeal to consume, thus leaving me hungry and not a little bit cranky.
I got up to shower and 4:30 this morning when this day from hell began and it is only 6:45am now!! Oh God – I have a lot more hours left in this day, please help me to not kill or maim anyone else or myself!!
Friday, April 30, 2010
First Week – Second Half
Well, both Wednesday and Thursday were great! Smug-Hub and Smug-Baby are getting more and more comfortable with each other. I have even noticed a difference in how they interact in the evenings when he gets home from work. He is more confident in his ability to make her happy and do stuff with her. In the past, if he needed to do something he would pass her on to me while he did it. Last night, he put her in the baby carrier and went out and watered the plants in the front yard while I cleaned up the kitchen.
She is such a joy! She sleeps well and eats well and grins all the time. We are so lucky to have been blessed with her, she is wonderful!
Mom made a comment that she would never have thought that I would end up living on a dirt road and being an earth mama. I guess that she meant that while I was growing up and in my young adult hood I was a city girl and for me to live on a dirt road was a departure, however, what I wanted and still do want is the convenience of living in the city – which we do. Everything in the whole city is no more than 15 minutes away and we have a bank, grocery store, dry cleaner, hospital and several restaurants within 5 minutes from us. I am still a city girl!
As for the earth mama bit, I am going to have to ask her about that. Yes, I am baby wearing and using cloth diapers, but those things are on the rise and a lot of people do both those things. What in my personality made her think that I would be “mainstream” and use a stroller or disposables?
Food for thought I guess…
She is such a joy! She sleeps well and eats well and grins all the time. We are so lucky to have been blessed with her, she is wonderful!
Mom made a comment that she would never have thought that I would end up living on a dirt road and being an earth mama. I guess that she meant that while I was growing up and in my young adult hood I was a city girl and for me to live on a dirt road was a departure, however, what I wanted and still do want is the convenience of living in the city – which we do. Everything in the whole city is no more than 15 minutes away and we have a bank, grocery store, dry cleaner, hospital and several restaurants within 5 minutes from us. I am still a city girl!
As for the earth mama bit, I am going to have to ask her about that. Yes, I am baby wearing and using cloth diapers, but those things are on the rise and a lot of people do both those things. What in my personality made her think that I would be “mainstream” and use a stroller or disposables?
Food for thought I guess…
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
First Part of the Week - First Week Back to Work
Monday went about as perfect as it could have gone. I worked 4 hours, getting started on my quarterly project and catching up on e-mails. Smug-Hub said that Smug-Baby was mostly fine, however, she would not take the bottle or the pacifier, but he was able to shower and get to work to meet me on time. I spent a lovely day with her, nursing mostly and we both took a nice nap. I was also able to fold a load of laundry, do a load of diapers, clean the kitchen, and make dinner.
I also went to visit my mom and sister who had just gotten back into town from our cousin’s wedding in Florida and picked up a few things at the grocery store. I also packed Smug-Hub’s lunch and my breakfast for Tuesday! I felt very productive and like super-woman! I can have it all!!
Tuesday was no so good for Smug-Baby and Smug-Hub; she cried a lot and still would not take the bottle or pacifier. He called me a couple of times for ideas and now wants to try the Sleepy Time wrap and Ring Sling as she really likes them. The thing is, he wants to sit and hold her watch TV or drink coffee, but she wants to be up and moving. She has little baby ADHD and loses interest in everything quickly. While I can put her in the wrap and do housework, laundry, wash dishes, go for a walk, whatever – he has more issues. Also, I can hook her up to a boob and watch TV, again, not an option for him J
Tuesday after work, I took her right home and she nursed and slept and nursed more and slept more and I just took it easy. Napping and watching TV while holding her. I was less productive, but there wasn’t much that needed to be done, so it was fine. When Smug-Hub got home we ate dinner and then he practiced with the wrap while I cleaned up the kitchen. Then I jumped in the shower with her as she had done a lot of spitting up and was starting to smell a bit sour! Then I got her to fall asleep right on schedule at 9:30, but when I went to the bedroom and tried to lay her down next to me, rather than on top of me (the normal routine), she woke up. She was wide awake and wanted to play.
She stayed up until almost midnight, but while she was playing it was so cool. She was cooing and talking and grinning and looking at us and it was so sweet!
It was less cute this morning at 4:30 when the alarm went off and I ended up oversleeping a bit. I got up at 4:51, which left me 9 minutes to get ready for work (thank God I packed the food and pump and stuff the night before)! I did it and was still able to let her nurse the full 25 minutes. I changed her diaper and nursed her until she fell back asleep. I have not talked to Smug-Hub this morning, so I don’t know how long she was able (or him) to sleep, but I hope they had a better morning.
Today after work, I need to get with my mom and show her how to use the wrap, sling and car seat, since she is going to be my extra help on Friday’s. See, I may have to work later than 10am on Friday’s to process checks and Mom is going to help out. Other than that I need to wash diapers, and spend the day holding, squeezing and loving my sweet baby girl!
I also went to visit my mom and sister who had just gotten back into town from our cousin’s wedding in Florida and picked up a few things at the grocery store. I also packed Smug-Hub’s lunch and my breakfast for Tuesday! I felt very productive and like super-woman! I can have it all!!
Tuesday was no so good for Smug-Baby and Smug-Hub; she cried a lot and still would not take the bottle or pacifier. He called me a couple of times for ideas and now wants to try the Sleepy Time wrap and Ring Sling as she really likes them. The thing is, he wants to sit and hold her watch TV or drink coffee, but she wants to be up and moving. She has little baby ADHD and loses interest in everything quickly. While I can put her in the wrap and do housework, laundry, wash dishes, go for a walk, whatever – he has more issues. Also, I can hook her up to a boob and watch TV, again, not an option for him J
Tuesday after work, I took her right home and she nursed and slept and nursed more and slept more and I just took it easy. Napping and watching TV while holding her. I was less productive, but there wasn’t much that needed to be done, so it was fine. When Smug-Hub got home we ate dinner and then he practiced with the wrap while I cleaned up the kitchen. Then I jumped in the shower with her as she had done a lot of spitting up and was starting to smell a bit sour! Then I got her to fall asleep right on schedule at 9:30, but when I went to the bedroom and tried to lay her down next to me, rather than on top of me (the normal routine), she woke up. She was wide awake and wanted to play.
She stayed up until almost midnight, but while she was playing it was so cool. She was cooing and talking and grinning and looking at us and it was so sweet!
It was less cute this morning at 4:30 when the alarm went off and I ended up oversleeping a bit. I got up at 4:51, which left me 9 minutes to get ready for work (thank God I packed the food and pump and stuff the night before)! I did it and was still able to let her nurse the full 25 minutes. I changed her diaper and nursed her until she fell back asleep. I have not talked to Smug-Hub this morning, so I don’t know how long she was able (or him) to sleep, but I hope they had a better morning.
Today after work, I need to get with my mom and show her how to use the wrap, sling and car seat, since she is going to be my extra help on Friday’s. See, I may have to work later than 10am on Friday’s to process checks and Mom is going to help out. Other than that I need to wash diapers, and spend the day holding, squeezing and loving my sweet baby girl!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Catching Up!
Sorry that it has taken me so long to get this posted. It appears that having a baby not only limits your time, but also pulls into sharp focus what you really want to spend your free time doing :)
We spent two weeks in the NICU. She improved every day and we relished each little milestone until she was finally able to come home. I like many of the nurses and staff who treated her, but there were a couple bitches and I think that I may still like to strangle one in particular who was horrible, but overall my daughter was given good care and she is fully recovered.
She is 9 weeks old and doing great! She is sweet and happy and sleeps a lot! She had no issues establishing nursing once we got home from the hospital and she is very easily consoled on the rare occasions she gets upset.
I have spent the last 7 weeks (since we have been home) loving her and holding her and spending all my time with her. I think that since I had to wait a week after her birth before I was able to hold her, I wanted to make up for lost time!
She has not had a pacifier since we left the hospital and while I am not opposed to a pacifier when needed, like in the car maybe, I am really averse to using one when I am available to cater to her every need.
We have been cloth diapering and using cloth wipes too and I love it! I am such a convert now, it is great! The Bun Genius which are my favorite, are so absorbent, that I do not need to change her overnight. The only time that she has pooped so much as to leak up the back, up the front or out the legs has been while in a disposable, so I am totally sold on cloth, not to mention, have you seen the price on disposable diapers lately!?!?!?! I wash them about twice a week and since she is still totally on breast milk, the washing machine can handle the waste. Once she starts solids, we will have to dump the solids into the toilet, but there are these disposable inserts that are biodegradable, like toilet paper that you can place in the diaper and just flip the whole thing into the pot and be done with it. Also, there is a sprayer that you can get and hook up to the toilet to spray off the solids too, so it should be just as easy to keep it up for the long hall!
I am also a solid convert to baby wearing. I have a couple of wraps, a sleepy time wrap and a ring sling and I really like both. I love having her close and she normally falls asleep quickly and sleeps longer and I am able to go for a walk or hike, do stuff around the house and everything! It’s great!!
I am back to work now, just part time, but it will bring in a little income and since my husband and I can stagger our schedules, he will care for her in the mornings while I work and we will meet in the parking lot and exchange her and cars and then he will work while I take her home and spend the rest of my day with her. While there is a part of me that is happy to be back at work (I did work hard to get my education and I have been with the company for a long time), the larger part of me is pissed that our society does not allow a family to live on one income, or that our company fails to pay my husband what he is worth, or that they don’t offer work from home options.
I am grateful that we are able to work this way, which allows us to raise our daughter ourselves and still make a decent living, and we have worked hard to arrange our life so that we don’t have any unnecessary expenses (except for the cable and cutting that would not allow me to stay home or we would be without it right now!!). I am happy that Smug-Baby will have special time just with her dad and they will create their own relationship that most fathers don’t get with their kids. This is really about as perfect a situation as I could ask for, but it does require me to be away from my baby for about 4 ½ hours a day, 22 ½ hours a week and I really don’t like it. I love spending my day looking into her sweet face and holding her soft little body. I love when she wakes up and looks up at me and grinning her toothless grin.
I should be able to blog a bit more regularly now that I am back to work, and I am sure that I have a lot to say, but mostly, I am just happy to have her whole, home, healthy and happy!!
We spent two weeks in the NICU. She improved every day and we relished each little milestone until she was finally able to come home. I like many of the nurses and staff who treated her, but there were a couple bitches and I think that I may still like to strangle one in particular who was horrible, but overall my daughter was given good care and she is fully recovered.
She is 9 weeks old and doing great! She is sweet and happy and sleeps a lot! She had no issues establishing nursing once we got home from the hospital and she is very easily consoled on the rare occasions she gets upset.
I have spent the last 7 weeks (since we have been home) loving her and holding her and spending all my time with her. I think that since I had to wait a week after her birth before I was able to hold her, I wanted to make up for lost time!
She has not had a pacifier since we left the hospital and while I am not opposed to a pacifier when needed, like in the car maybe, I am really averse to using one when I am available to cater to her every need.
We have been cloth diapering and using cloth wipes too and I love it! I am such a convert now, it is great! The Bun Genius which are my favorite, are so absorbent, that I do not need to change her overnight. The only time that she has pooped so much as to leak up the back, up the front or out the legs has been while in a disposable, so I am totally sold on cloth, not to mention, have you seen the price on disposable diapers lately!?!?!?! I wash them about twice a week and since she is still totally on breast milk, the washing machine can handle the waste. Once she starts solids, we will have to dump the solids into the toilet, but there are these disposable inserts that are biodegradable, like toilet paper that you can place in the diaper and just flip the whole thing into the pot and be done with it. Also, there is a sprayer that you can get and hook up to the toilet to spray off the solids too, so it should be just as easy to keep it up for the long hall!
I am also a solid convert to baby wearing. I have a couple of wraps, a sleepy time wrap and a ring sling and I really like both. I love having her close and she normally falls asleep quickly and sleeps longer and I am able to go for a walk or hike, do stuff around the house and everything! It’s great!!
I am back to work now, just part time, but it will bring in a little income and since my husband and I can stagger our schedules, he will care for her in the mornings while I work and we will meet in the parking lot and exchange her and cars and then he will work while I take her home and spend the rest of my day with her. While there is a part of me that is happy to be back at work (I did work hard to get my education and I have been with the company for a long time), the larger part of me is pissed that our society does not allow a family to live on one income, or that our company fails to pay my husband what he is worth, or that they don’t offer work from home options.
I am grateful that we are able to work this way, which allows us to raise our daughter ourselves and still make a decent living, and we have worked hard to arrange our life so that we don’t have any unnecessary expenses (except for the cable and cutting that would not allow me to stay home or we would be without it right now!!). I am happy that Smug-Baby will have special time just with her dad and they will create their own relationship that most fathers don’t get with their kids. This is really about as perfect a situation as I could ask for, but it does require me to be away from my baby for about 4 ½ hours a day, 22 ½ hours a week and I really don’t like it. I love spending my day looking into her sweet face and holding her soft little body. I love when she wakes up and looks up at me and grinning her toothless grin.
I should be able to blog a bit more regularly now that I am back to work, and I am sure that I have a lot to say, but mostly, I am just happy to have her whole, home, healthy and happy!!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010. Part 1
I awoke Sunday morning at 2:34am with a full bladder and noticed some light red spotting on the tissue. I woke up again at 4:17 with some cramping that was different then the braxton-hicks I had been experiencing thus far in my pregnancy. I took a hot shower and let the water pound on my low back, when I got out of the shower I had to pee again and this time there was a small gush of fluid that felt different, but not huge, so I was unsure that this was my water breaking, but the tissue had a lot of bloody discharge, so I was pretty sure that I was finally in labor.
I tried to go back to bed, and sleep in between contractions, but by 5:30am I knew that I was in labor for sure and woke my husband. He called Wanda, our doula who told us that it sounded like I was still in really early labor and I should try to sleep some and if I was not able to sleep I should change positions every 30 minutes and be sure to eat a little something and keep drinking water to stay hydrated. I kept counting, 1, 2, 3, 4 up into the surge, 1, 2, 3, 4, deep into the tightening, 1, 2, 3, 4, over the hump of the tight pressure, 1, 2, 3, 4, down into the end of the surge.
I moved from the bed to sitting backward on the toilet with a pillow on the tank to rest my head. I had heard that this position was helpful in letting gravity move the baby down, 1, 2, 3, 4. Then I took another hot shower and then moved back to the bed 1, 2, 3, 4. It was about 9:30am when I took to the shower again and told my husband to call Wanda again and see what she thought about going on to the hospital even though it was probably still way early, but I was having a better time in the shower, but kept running out of hot water. I was thinking that it would be better to use up the hospitals hot water rather than mine!
Wanda said that she would stop by on her way to church and check me for dilatation. She arrived about 10:00 and checked me, I was already at 6 centimeters! I worked to get dressed, 1, 2, 3, 4, while Smug-Hub packed the car and we left for the hospital. Every change of position, every bump in the road caused a new surge of pressure, I kept counting and riding each wave, knowing that each contraction, each surge that I counted through was one less that I needed to ride.
We arrived and was taken into the labor and delivery triage area where they hooked me up to a fetal monitor to check on the baby's heart rate, 1, 2, 3, 4 and then my doctor arrived and checked me. I was at 8 centimeters, it was almost 11:30am. They then took me to a labor and delivery room and I walked right into the shower, 1, 2, 3, 4 and stayed there for the next two hours leaving only long enough for the intermittent fetal heart rate checks.
Then, they noticed that there was some meconium in my fluid discharge and I needed to be on the monitor, they checked me again and I was at 9 centimeters with a little lip keeping me from reaching 10. I was able to move around in the bed and around the room a bit, but had to stay on the monitor. The pediatrician came to talk to us, telling us that the meconium may have caused the baby some problems and she would be there to take the baby should she not cry and need some assistance. Then the nurse said that if I wanted to start pushing some she could physically hold the little lip out of the way and see if it allowed me to push the baby down past it.
It was 2:45pm when I started pushing. I felt a little silly almost pushing, like I didn't really know what I was doing, but Wanda and the nurse would let me know if I was doing a good push or a less than effective push and I learned quickly what they were looking for and got down to business. I remember that I kept asking how many more pushes I needed to get the job done. I held onto the rails, counting. I tried the squat bar and counted. I laid on my back and then my side and counted and pushed.
Then my doctor was there and massaging me and my husband was telling me he could see the head and Wanda was telling me only a few more pushes, push her over the pelvic bone, 1, 2, 3, 4. Push her to the sky, push her into your arms, 1, 2, 3, 4. Suddenly, I hear, "Stop, don't push" I remember saying "What do you mean stop?!?!?" I could hear everyone jump into action, carts rolled into place, gowns were donned and I could hear someone on the phone say "Birth response" I knew then that my daughter would be on this side of my body soon. I knew that being pregnant was almost over, that labor was almost over.
It felt like forever, but it was probably only about 90 seconds until I was told to push again. Then it felt like there were people all around me, lots of hands holding my feet, my legs, on my baby's head. Suddenly, someones fingernail felt like it was digging into my delicate skin and I jerked my hand coming down to move the offending person's nail from me. Everyone pulled my hand away telling me that no one's fingernail was digging into me, I know now that this was a tearing as my baby's head and one arm was delivered. At the time, I knew that the only way to get this person to move their fingernail that I knew was digging into me was to get the rest of the baby delivered.
I heard the doctor say that the cord was around her neck and he needed to cut it, I nodded and heard my husband also give consent, the cord was cut and suddenly I looked up to see my daughter in his arms, all red, purple with some blood and goo and slippery. She did not respond, did not cry, so the NICU people stepped in to take her and I called to Smug-Hub to stay with her.
He moved to her side while the doctor told me of the tear that he needed to stitch and I kept listening for crying, for something. I heard and saw people working and Smug-Hub looking pale. They told me that she was doing better and brought her over so I could lay eyes on her for the first time. Then they whisked her away and I remember calling to Smug-Hub to stay with her, to talk to her and to keep her safe.
The doctor spent a long time on the stitches and I remember joking with him that he was embroidering a sampler down there! Once he was finished, I asked Wanda to find my mom and sister. I needed hugs since I was without husband and baby. They came in and the doctor told me that I needed to eat and drink something. Smug-Sister left to find some juice and crackers or something for me and mom stayed with me. Wanda left as the birth was over.
I felt like I was bleeding a lot and the nurse changed the pad beneath me and left, the doctor came back in and I told him that I felt like I was still bleeding too much. He took a look and then suddenly people came out of the walls, I was given an IV dose of Pitocin and a shot to help clotting, the doctor was digging within m to remove the leftover pieces of placenta that were causing the hemorrhage. This hurt horribly and I remember crying out and begging him to stop. He said "Sweetheart, the pain will not kill you, but this bleeding will, I can't stop" I remember grabbing the handles on the bed and burying my face into the side rails of the bed, and trying to endure the pain.
Throughout my whole labor and delivery I was not in horrible pain, I was uncomfortable, but not screaming or in major pain. Besides that "fingernail" issue, I handled labor and delivery without issue, this was different, this was horrible pain and I could feel my new stitches tearing out. Finally, everything calmed down and he got down to repairing the stitches and I was cleaned up again.
Smug-Hub and the NICU doctor came in and Smug-Hub was filled in on my recent adventures, but at the time he failed to fully understand how serious it was. The doctor told me that Smug-Baby had a lot of acid in her blood and some issues with the meconium in her lungs, that they were going to put in a breathing tube and give her a "baking soda" type solution to help get rid of the acid in her blood. I was feeling woozy and all this is a little hazy, but I did comprehend that Smug-Baby was in serious condition but not critical, she would live.
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