Monday, August 18, 2008

Glad He Is Gone??

I have been really concerned about my feelings of joy at the thought of my husband being out of town. It is not that I don't miss him when he is gone, it is just that life is so much easier without having to consider someone else's thoughts, feelings, needs, etc.

He was gone last week Thursday - Saturday, getting home about 7pm on Saturday night. While he was gone, the house stayed picked up, the sheets stayed tucked into the bed, the remote was all mine, the kitchen sink stayed empty of dirty, stinky dishes... you get the idea.

I really wanted to spend the whole day Sunday with him, so I got up really early on Saturday morning (6:45am) and proceeded to clean the house within an inch of its life, grocery shop (which included stops at the mall of birthday gifts, Bed, Bath and Beyond for a food processor as mine started smoking and smelling of burned rubber, and Gander Mountain for a gift card), laundry, and cooking (to make meals for the whole week, since I don't have time during the week to cook).

I finished up everything in time to shower and shave my legs and get to the airport to pick up my baby. I was so exhausted that I was really concerned that I was going to fall asleep while driving to the airport.

As soon as I picked him up he started with the grouchy whining. He was tired, he did not fit in the seat, the plane was full of people opposed to the use of deodorant, he did not sleep well, etc... When I told him about my day (including the need to purchase a new food processor) he had nothing but evil comments and barbs.

Once home, he then started to order me around - rub my feet, rub my back, give me the remote, get me some water, etc. When I brought it to his attention and let him know that I did not find this acceptable, he began again to list his woes. Come on people, he sat on a plane, he went fishing, he was up late eating and drinking and talking with his account. I don't find this as taxing on the body as over 12 hours of being on ones feet, cooking and cleaning.

He kept pulling the CPAP machine off his face that night and then snoring, so I was awake A LOT more than I was asleep. When I would poke him and tell him to put his machine back on, he would bite my head off. Oh joy! So glad he was there!

All day Sunday was more of the same, we kept bickering the whole day about everything and nothing and it was damned irritating. I hate the feeling of "I can't wait for him to leave again" because he did - he left again this morning for Vermont. He will be home Thursday night.

Here is what I think his problem is - he hates being away from home, me, work, his bed, etc. He will be gone the majority of two weeks. He isn't coming home until the evening of his birthday. He will be spending Friday through Sunday at this trade show our company is part of. He will not have a weekend to himself/ourselves until Labor day weekend! All this makes him grouchy.

Also, I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to be together and to have a nice time together since we only had the one day.

My head totally understands all this, but I am still pissed at him for being in a bad mood and ruining the little bit of time we had together. I am also slightly pissed that he will be gone during the week when I am working and unable to enjoy the solitude. I have class tonight and a homeowners association meeting at my house on Wednesday, which only gives me Tuesday after work to enjoy being home alone with the remote. At least the house will stay clean!

Does this make me a bad wife? Is my marriage doomed? Is it normal to really enjoy when your husband is out of town? Is it terrible that I am glad he is gone for a few more days? Is it bad that I am dreading his return because I know he is going to be grouchy again???


  1. I love your sense of optimism, Smug. The way that you clearly see behavior and then make the most forgiving spin possible on it. That's a wonderful trait to have. Maybe not good for you, but it's great for Smug-Hub.

  2. omg it does NOT make you a bad wife at all! i like for matt to be gone every now and then so i can get some peace and quiet. problem is if he's gone hannah's still there. now if they're both gone???? bliss LOL i do miss them both though after a day so i can only enjoy bliss at 24 hour intervals

  3. i don't think it makes you a bad wife at all! i never tire of hanging out with CN, but when i am alone now, i do enjoy it a lot!

    sometimes, when we are leaving/coming home, our subconscious makes us act like assholes, so that the next time we leave, it won't hurt so much. i bet, since he knew he would be turning around and getting right back on a plane, that this was his way of saying, "i hate being away from you. so instead of being sad happy sad, i'm just going to be cranky the whole time and avoid the emotional roller coaster."

    in other words, it's him, not you. don't take it personally. :)