So...

I will be 6 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I am deep into morning sickness, wondering how there are ever siblings! I can't imagine going through this again and I doubt that my morning sickness has gotten as bad as it will get or is has bad as the morning sickness that others experience.

I tend to get sick to my stomach at the drop of a hat. If I am nervous, excited, scared, worried - you name it, I get sick to my stomach. So, there is a lot of all those emotions running through me all the time, so add to that all the pregnancy hormones and you get one sickly chick!

We are not telling anyone yet. I say that, but we have told a few close friends and all the immediate family. I have one friend that I have been dying to talk to, but she must be really, really busy because I have not heard from her a while :(

My sweet husband is feeling really helpless and wants so badly to help me somehow and there is really nothing he can do. I asked him to get club soda for me (burping by any means is my new best friend), anyway, it took him like almost an hour to run down to the store and back. He ended up going to three stores, each progressively further away and each store did not have club soda. By the time he got back I was a mess and I know he felt badly about it. Not his fault, but still.

I have noticed that my pants are not buttoning as easily as this week progresses, despite I have lost 3 pounds. There is a tiny little pooch (yes, I know that I have a pooch normally) but this pooch does not fall flat when I am laying on my back. This pooch is my new little child!

I have a ton of fears and worries about what could still happen to this pregnancy or am I good enough to be a mom, to have all the responsibility for this little life. What is I go crazy and kill my child, or just be negligent and let her fall in a pool? What is she has a birth defect? All these fears are really crowding me, so I have put down all the books and stopped watching baby stuff on TV. I think that I just need to concentrate on getting through morning sickness, the first prenatal visit, and the first trimester before I start obsessing on how to decorate the baby's room, let along on how many things could go wrong and how badly I could screw this kid up!

It is hard not to tell people, but harder when I think about before having to tell everyone all over again that we had lost the pregnancy. We have been trying for so long and I know that everyone at work, school, all the extended family everyone would be so excited and thrilled for us, but I can't tell them, not until I see that little heartbeat, beating strongly!!

Smug-Sister is having her wedding reception thing this weekend (she and her husband eloped in December, but wanted to have a low key picnic to celebrate in the summer). I am really not sure that I am going to be able to attend, the smells of any cooking food send me to the toilet, I can't imagine dealing with all the cookout smells, the heat (it is going to be 94 degrees), and all the people. Lots of out of town family will be there and we will even have one couple and their son staying with us. I have already accepted the fact that I will have to tell them, since they are not dumb and will figure it out.

My mom's parents will be here and it may be the last time I see them and will for sure be the only time to tell them about the baby, so I will tell them too. That will pretty much take care of everyone except the aunts and uncles - who am I kidding, everyone is going to figure it out the first time I Ralph all over the picnic table!

Wish me luck everyone!