Done and To Do!

Well, I actually got a lot of the stuff on my list done yesterday. My attempts to do the cardio video were severely hampered by the fact that now I can't find the DVD!! I had it. It was in the front cover of the book. I had the book in the car. The book is still in the car, but the DVD is not inside the cover. I looked all around the floorboards and slidy places a DVD could hide in the car, but couldn't find it. I thought maybe I had brought it inside without remembering and I spent so much time looking for it that Smug-Baby woke up from her nap :( Oh Shucky Darn!!

Actually it really is a shame because I was actually really wanting to do it! Instead I spent the day doing everything else on my list and even made lunch for Smug-Grandma and made it over to the hospital to visit with Gramps for a bit after Smug-Hub got home from work. I feel productive :)

My visit with Gramps was really nice. He is starting to act more normal and not saying so much crazy stuff. I am told that he isn't violent or paranoid much at all anymore and while he is still really, really weak, he is doing much better and should be able to go to a rehab facility in the next several days. The hope is that he will do a lot of physical therapy and get his strength back and still be able to go live with Smug-Sister like has always been the plan. It is such a turnaround from saying our good-byes to thinking that he will be back to the way he was before his disastrous visit with my nutty aunt. I am still so angry at her for being so arrogant and self centered and negligent!!

On to better topics. I made the final $8.49 payment needed to pay off one of the credit cards and paid the final $118.60 on one of the last two medical bills for Smug-Baby's birth. I still have the big one ($860) and another two credit cards to work on ($211 and $2,080), but those are going down, down, down!! I still have funds left over from these pay checks for groceries and the increased cost of gas!! I love feeling like things are going to be OK financially!!

I finished another one of the garage shelves and found a ton of books that I have been saving since I was a child that I wanted to share with my child one day. I almost cried when I realized that when I packed these books up, Smug-Baby was just a hope, a someday idea and now she is here and soon we will be reading Caddie Woodlawn and Swallows and Amazons!! There was a lot less on that shelf that will be going into the yard sale pile :)

I have two more shelving units to go through and both of them I think are pretty well organized with out of season clothes on one and Christmas stuff on the other. I will go through them to be sure, but that should go quickly tomorrow.

I am sort of ashamed to admit that I was sucked in and actually purchased something from an infomercial, but then I remembered that I have ordered crap from infomercials a lot in my past and sent almost everything back, so perhaps this will be the same! Anyway, I have been reading Tracy Anderson's book. I really like what she has to say and her workout ideas make sense. My only complaint was that it is hard to workout while flipping the pages of a book and I wished she had a DVD. I got online, but all the DVD's were really expensive and made before she launched The Method and I wanted something that went with the book I was reading. Then while I was flipping channels while nursing one day, I came across her face so I stopped and watched.

She has launched something called Metamorphosis and it is a program that trains you using all the principles within The Method. The entire 90 day program is only about $80 and you have 30 days to try and return if you don't like it. I have been looking for something like this! The program is broken down into different body types and includes special work for your specific problem areas. One of the programs is for those who gain weight all over, like me. I turned off the TV and went about my life for a few days. I didn't want this to be an impulse buy. A week or so later I finally got online and read some of the reviews and blogs from people working this program and then I thought about it some more. I finally ordered it last week and it should arrive tomorrow. I want to go though and watch the DVD's this afternoon and start the program tomorrow!

I hope that this is what I have been looking for. I know that I struggle with getting DVD's turned on and actually playing, but once they are on, I do the work! I have been really feeling lethargic during the winter and wanting to get outside, but videos are the best option for my life at this moment, so I need to make the effort! I am excited about starting this and hopeful to see what Weight Watchers and Tracy Anderson combined can do for these last 25 pounds and how I feel overall!!

Wish me luck :)

Ambitious

My plan for tomorrow is very ambitious but I think it is doable. I have to stick to my list and work hard during the times that Smug-Baby is sleeping, but I think I can get everything done.

I need to finish going through the boxes in the garage to pull out stuff for the yard sale. The garage floor is filling up with stuff to get rid of. I have been having this internal struggle with myself. I come across things that I have loved and thinking that I want to keep them. Then the other side of myself tells me that if I haven't really missed it or thought about it or looked for it in the 4 years that it has been packed up, then I need to let it go and let it find a home somewhere else. It is hard, but I am doing it! There is more leaving than I am keeping from those "found" items.

I want to finish cleaning the laundry room. This was today's "task" but I spent so much time in the garage, that by the time I got working on the laundry room, Smug-Baby was letting me know she was about finished with her backpack time and I was feeling shaky with hunger. So, I stopped and we both had some dinner and play time. I still need to wash the window, empty the trash, vacuum the rug and go through the cabinet to finish that room.

We are having family over on Sunday, so I need to spend a little time today picking up the house to make it a faster job to clean on Friday or Saturday. It is funny to me that I take a few minutes every evening to try to straighten up the house and when I get home from work it is destroyed! I think that Smug-Baby plays in every room with her daddy during the mornings, so there is stuff strewn all over the place in every single room of the house!! I don't let her pull things out and not put them back, I get her to help me pick things up before we leave a room, but I don't think Smug-Hub has that kind of time in the mornings :)

I also need to wash a load of diapers and strip the diapers Smug-Sister gave me. Can you believe it? She just gave me all her Bum-Genius diapers. They aren't working for her as well as she would like and rather than sell them and make some money, she gave them to me!!! There is probably a couple hundred dollars worth of diapers and she just gave them to me!!! Anyway, I need to let them soak and be washed a few times before I use them so I will do that too.

Tomorrow's spring cleaning task is the hall closet. I am going to pack up most of the winter coats and just leave light jackets and rain coats. The shelf in that closet is where my cameras live and I need to clean that up a bit and download the pictures currently on my SD card. There are some cleaning supplies up there too and I need to get those moved. I don't want them near my camera!!!

I also need to work with Smug-Sister on the menu for Sunday, make menus for next week and a grocery list. I need to wash dishes (let me just say it - I ain't gonna do 'em tonight, I'm tired!!) and I have a BBQ Tofu recipe to try for dinner tomorrow night, so I'll do that too!

See? Ambitious!! I also would like to do a workout video. I have the cardio dance video that came with The Method book, so I want to try to do that today. I can do most of this stuff with Smug-Baby on my back or in the exersaucer and I may have to alternate, but the workout I need to do while she is sleeping. I can't be bouncing around while she is crawling around underfoot. I don't want to kick her or step on her!! I hope she takes a morning nap so I can knock it out - its so easy to count all the housework as my workout and skip the actual workout :)

OK, she is finished with her ice, so I am going to get her in the bath and get ready for bed. I am one tired mama tonight :)

I Love...

I love waking in the morning before the alarm goes off.

I love when Smug-Baby latches on in the night and the sound of her hungry sucking and swallowing, Gulp, Gulp, Gulp.

I love the feeling of my aching, full breast releasing as she empties it.

I love being in between the two loves of my life. Smug-Hub on one side, a big paw tossed over my waist. Smug-Baby on the other side, tucked under my arm, a small, soft paw tossed onto my chest.

I love being able to scoot out of bed without waking either of them.

I love a really super hot shower early in the morning.

I love how calm and quiet and dark the house is when I'm the only one awake.

I love opening the fridge and seeing my breakfasts and lunches all ready to go waiting for me.

I love kissing my family good-bye and watching their faces softened by sleep and hear their soft sleeping breathing.

I love seeing the moon and stars when I walk outside.

I love hearing a really good song on the radio and driving to work with the sound blasting.

I love that the hours at work pass quickly and before I know it, I am looking outside to see that my family is waiting patiently for me.

I love seeing my daughter wiggle and giggle when she sees me coming.

I love walking into Smug-Sisters house and seeing Smug-Niece look up, grin her toothy grin and give me her signature growl laugh that lets me know she is happy to see us.

I love that I spend a lot of my day playing with happy babies.

I love eating a good, hearty, healthy lunch and feeling full and satisfied.

I love taking the girls for a ride in the car and they both fall asleep and I park and read while listening to their breathing.

I love driving home at the end of the day.

I love making a nice dinner for my family.

I love trying a new recipe and finding it is wonderful.

I love watching Smug-Baby when she hears the garage door opening. This is the signal that daddy is home and she is most anxious to get into his arms.

I love the hug and kiss my husband gives me when he first gets home.

I love getting ready for bed. Smug-Baby hangs onto my back (with daddy's help) and watches my every move as I brush my teeth and wash my face. Then we repeat the tooth brushing and face washing on her.

I love when she gives me kisses unprompted.

I love when she rubs her face into my chest to let me know she is tired and wants Binky's.

I love the feel of her little body as she gives in to sleep and relaxes completely.

I love crawling into clean, cool sheets with her warm body next to mine, while Smug-Hub pulls the covers over us, kisses me good night, and tells me how lucky he feels to have she and I as his family.

I love hearing her soft breathing and feeling her occasional sleep-sucking as I drift into sleep.

I love my life.

Sick

I feel sick. I feel full and sick and my teeth hurt from so much sugar. I made cookies. I didn't just make cookies, I made two kinds of cookies and I snacked on dough and ate about 5 big fat cookies!! I feel horrible right now.

I know that the feeling with pass and I will once again crave cookies and it will probably be like tomorrow morning, but for right now, I hate cookies and I vow never to eat them again.

I am actually feeling excited about getting back on track with Weight Watchers and I have been re-reading Tracey Anderson's 30 Day Method and I want to try get exercise program. I am thinking about getting online and maybe ordering one of her workout DVD's. I have always had a rough time with videos, but they really are my best option until I can get outside.

Which, BTW, may be a while. It snowed today. That's right, it was almost 80 degrees last week and I made the mistake of saying something to Smug-Sister about how we were probably done with coats and hats and probably even done with close-toe shoes. She called me this morning to complain that it was all my fault that she was having to dig coats out of the boxes already packed for moving.

Anyway, I had a loss at the scale Saturday and I wasn't expecting it, so that boosted me up a bit and I want to get back on track and get this last 20 pounds off of me and I then I would like to run into an ex-boyfriend who will be very impressed with my gorgeousness and very sad that he treated me so badly!! Doesn't everyone want that? It so cliche, but whatever!!

So, I think that I will try to follow Tracey's moves from this book and maybe get a video and try that. I really feel so much better when I get some good exercise and I just have to force myself to do the videos or follow the instructions in the book. I have been doing my push ups every day and I am up to 7 full on push-ups and I love feeling like I am getting stronger!!

I spent a lot of time this morning working on the downstairs and I think that it looks really good. Now, you have to understand that there is a huge pile of stuff for the yard sale in one part of the room and another huge pile of stuff that needs to live in the garage, but at least things are in piles and organized. I have a box of paperwork that needs to be filed and a stack of photo albums that I need to find a place for and such, but again, everything is sorted so it is a start.

I am still working on the laundry, I don't understand how three people can come up with so much laundry in just a week!! I am going to deep clean the downstairs bathroom tomorrow after work as the kick-off to my spring cleaning schedule. Tuesday is the laundry room and I started on that some today. Wednesday is the upstairs hall closet and Thursday and Friday are getting ready for the yard sale. I actually need to spend some time each day going through boxes in the garage and choosing items for the yard sale. I think that I will forgo putting the car in there and just start stacking stuff in the middle of the garage until Saturday morning.

I was thinking about getting one of those outdoor buildings for the back yard. Lowes has one for $300 and the lawn mower, weed eater and other outdoor stuff (hammock, etc.) could live there. Then I would like the garage to have Smug-Hub's tools, the Christmas stuff, his fishing stuff and off-season clothing. Everything else should have a home inside (when the bookshelves are done anyway), or get the heck out of there!!

Smug-Hub is not keen on the idea of moving his fishing stuff to the garage or to buying a whole building to house more crap. Which I kind of understand, so I think that I will not go purchasing anything until after the yard sale and spring cleaning are complete. Then we will have a better idea about if we need that extra space or not.

Smug-Hub spent his afternoon pulling weeds and raking leaves. I hate that stuff, so I am glad that he is doing it. I will clean and organize inside and do dishes until the cows come home, but I hate the outdoor work. Not sure why! I'm sure it was from childhood trauma of carrying firewood and weeding and the like!!

So, this post was kind of all over the place, sorry about that! I blame it on my bloated, sick, cookie stuffed self!!! It's all that Cookie Monster's fault, if he hadn't scarfed down the letter of the day, I wouldn't have started craving cookies...

Swimming

Last Saturday Smug-Baby had her first official swimming lesson. Smug-Grandma and I took her swimming at the local pool a few times last year starting when she was about 3 1/2 or 4 months old and she LOVED the water. She took it right away and I even thought about joining a pool, but couldn't come up with the cash.

This year, I happened to be flipping through the book of offerings from the local Parks and Recreation and noticed that they had a swimming class for babies 6-18 months. This would be perfect and for $35 I could take her swimming once a week for like 10 weeks!!

I worried that now that she hadn't been in the pool for several months she would suddenly be afraid of the water but as soon as we arrived at the pool my fears were put to rest. She helped my and daddy's hand and walked over to the pool edge and stopped. The instructor had us all sit on the edge of the pool and get the kids feet touching the water and let them get used to the water. Smug-Baby kept trying to jump in!

Then she us parents get into the water and gently show the kids how to put there hands on the edge, turn their bodies and lower themselves into the water. I showed Smug-Baby once and then as soon as I would set her back up on the edge, she would quickly turn herself around and plop back into the water. She hung into the edge of the pool and floated there, happy and content!

Then we floated around a bit with the babies and blew bubbles in the water and the whole time Smug-Baby is trying to paddle around, splashing her arms and kicking her legs. She wanted to take off and swim! She had a blast in the pool but by the end of the class her little lips were turning blue, so we hopped out and got dressed!

I was thinking that perhaps swimming will be her sport of choice! There is less risk of injury than say with soccer or basketball, there is still teams that she can join and she could even go on to be in the Olympics if she wanted to!! The sky is the limit!!

I have decided that whatever it takes, I am going to join, for the summer, the gym that Smug-Grandma belongs to. They have a lovely pool and with Smug-Grandma's help I can take Smug-Baby and Smug-Niece to the pool all summer long! It is going to be expensive and there are less costly pools in the area, but without help I wouldn't really be able to go. The bonus is that with joining for the summer, you get access to the rest of the gym too, so perhaps Smug-Hub and I could find time to workout there too. On the weekends, one of us could take her swimming while the other does a workout and then switch off. Spending the whole day at the pool is one of my fondest childhood memories and I can't wait to create some of those same memories for my sweet swimming girl!

What Is Wrong With Me?

I can't seem to focus and get anything done. I can't even manage to track my food. I am not getting outside and walking or even doing things around the house!

I want to get so much stuff done and yet can't seem to get started on anything. I tell myself that I will just get one thing done each day. Today I will clean..., today I will walk... but then I never do.

Smug-Baby is cutting another tooth and she is miserable and I have been focused on holding her and playing with her to keep her mind off her pain. She hasn't slept well in several nights; not really waking, but restless and crying out in pain during the night. That means that I am tired too and I am starting to feel run down again. I don't want to get sick and I really don't think I can handle another week of my home being in horrible disarray.

I laid out a calendar and marked one task on each day for the next several weeks in a plan to spring clean my house. I figure that if I concentrate on one room each day, even if I am working at Smug-Sister's that day, it shouldn't be too overwhelming. I even marked two days for the bigger rooms, like the kitchen. It all starts this weekend with a big push to clean up the downstairs. I have been trying to get that area cleaned up for months, but things keep coming up.

I want to pull the car out of the garage and start a stack of stuff for a yard sale and do that next weekend. Everything that doesn't sell goes to Goodwill. That will go a long way to clearing up all the clutter and should give me some inspiration to continue getting rid of things and cleaning up and wiping down and getting my house in good order!!

I am so frustrated with my weight loss plan. Mostly in that I keep eating even when I know that the choices aren't great and it will result in a gain at the meeting on Saturday. I want to be motivated, but I am struggling! Tomorrow I am going to try to work on menus and a grocery list and I have got to set aside time for cooking this weekend so that all my food is all ready to go and there isn't any thought in mind about what I should be eating.

If there isn't something ready, I am more prone to eating something I shouldn't. Like tonight, I had pancakes with lots of butter and maple syrup (earth balance and they were buckwheat pancakes, but still!!) I was still hungry after and ended up eating from pesto pasta with Smug-Hub when he got home from work. I think that the stress of things going on in my family is causing this overeating and lack of caring about what I am doing.

I almost wish that stress had the opposite effect, like it does with some people. Some people obsessively clean when they are stressed or can't eat anything during periods of stress. I don't have that problem; I eat all the time and get really lethargic!! It stinks all the way around I guess.

Wish me luck as I head to bed tonight. I hope that Smug-Baby sleeps more soundly and I get some rest. I still have Thursday and Friday to get through before the weekend and my spring cleaning plan gets underway!!

Random

Gramps is expected to make a full recovery. I can't even believe how a matter of hours ago we are making funeral arrangements and the doctors were telling us that he had hours left to his coming out of it and asking for a Coke and if Coke was available then Pepsi would be fine!!

He is scheduled to have an MRI and then an action plan can be put together on what happens next and how we maybe keep this from happening again! It has been a major emotional roller coaster, but one I can't really complain about being on. I am so happy that Smug-Baby and the rest of my family has more time with him!!

Did you know that 4 tablespoons of Silk French Vanilla Creamer only has 2 points? Combine that with no calorie sweetener and I can have a wonderful cup of decaf that is sweet and creamer for only 2 points!!

I haven't been tracking this week like I should and I haven't been eating like I should. I have been in a downward slump for a few weeks now and I am having trouble pulling myself up. With all the emotional upheaval with Gramps and the delays and emotional upheaval with Smug-Sister's move, I haven't been taking care of my home, my family, or my body.

I spent some time yesterday getting the house picked up a bit and some dishes washed, but Smug-Baby isn't feeling well so I spent most of my "free" time playing with her. She chased me all over the house, giggling as she walked on her own around the house in the attempt to catch mommy and then all of a sudden she would burst into tears. I think that this is teething related, but I find it really suspect that I had a bit of dairy over the weekend and all of a sudden she has watery eyes, a runny nose, sneezing and coughing. But, she is also having trouble sleeping and drooling and having multiple poos everyday, so those tend to be more teething related.

She woke me up last night whimpering and I kept stroking her head and whispering to her that I was there and everything was going to be OK. She did settle back into a good sleep, but was restless. I wonder if we are in for more of the same tonight. It is hot and I have all the windows open, so I'm sure that I will wake up with more allergy symptoms - fun!!

I feel like I need several days "off" from everything else in my life except my own immediate family and home. I want to spring clean and have a yard sale and get rid of the clutter and dust from every corner of my life. I feel this connection to cleanliness, like I can't focus on getting healthy when my house isn't in order. I am finally starting to get the finances back to a really good place and I want to get the house to a really good, ordered, un-cluttered place. Then I can focus on getting outside on my bike and taking the babies for walks or hikes and focus on my own personal health. It's like not being able to cook in a dirty kitchen. I don't want to cook in a dirty kitchen, so I eat something crappy or eat out. I want a clean kitchen so I will want to get in there are create something amazing for dinner. Apply that to my whole house!!

Maybe I can put in for some vacation time once Smug-Sister is settled and Gramps is settled. Smug-Grandma could help some and I could have several days off to put my life back into order!! That's the rub - when is anyone, anything ever settled??

OK, Elmo is over and my girl needs binky's and to go to bed! Wish us luck!!