Monday, August 20, 2007

Thoughts on Marriage

I have always heard that relationships are hard, relationships take work. Because of this, I spent many years in dysfunctional messes that I called relationships. What people don’t tell you is that the hard work is along the lines of gardening for someone who loves to garden, or photography for someone with the natural gift for capturing something on film.

As unhappy as I was during my years with Dave and with Gregg, I would not wish to go back and change anything because I really like the person that I have become and I love my life! The time I spent with each of them taught me about what I wanted from a relationship and how I deserved to be treated. More importantly, I learned about what I did not want and how I refused to be treated.

I am going to be legally married to Smug-Hub a just a few weeks. I say “legally” because we are already married in every way except legal. Smug-Hub and I have both learned from our pasts, and we respect each other. We understand what kind of work and compromise is required to make two separate lives into one cohesive unit. We hold each other up when we stumble, we listen when one of needs to vent. We never yell at each other or call each other names. When disagreements arise we are able to step back and look at each others point of view and we respect each other enough to work toward a solution that works for us both.

I used to think that if a couple was not fighting they did not care enough about the relationship to fight for it. I see now that Smug-Hub and I don’t fight because to DO care enough about the relationship to fight for it! We both deal with our internal desires to have everything our own way and pick the battles that are truly important and let the minor stuff go – it’s not worth it.

I know that Smug-Hub and I have both had our hearts broken in the past and we were both a bit nervous to give our patched up and battered hearts to someone else, but because of out past pain and past struggles we are both so much more aware of how precious this love is that we have found in each other.

I am so excited about getting married! I don’t think that the day after the wedding everything will change or something. I don’t think of marriage as a “cure”, but as a new chapter, one that I am excited to get to! I almost wish that the whole wedding thing was over, because that “day” is not the important thing – yes, I want it to be perfect and fun, but everything could fall apart, because as long as we are married at the end of the day – it will be perfect!


  1. I do believe that the two of you were made for one another, Smug. For the two of you, marriage is just one more milestone in your relationship.