Friends

One of the blogs that I read daily is Virginia Belle I love to read her posts as she often relates these great and funny conversations with her brain. Today she has posted on friendships and it has gotten me thinking about the friendships that I have currently, have let go of, and been dumped from in in the past.

I grew up fairly isolated (in my opinion) from others. My parents chose to home school us as they felt that public schools would not provide the best education possible (not for religious reasons as many do). I played with Smug-Sister and brother. We were friends with this other family, who had two daughters and a son all the same sexes and ages as us. We became each others best friends! Our families spent every major holiday together and we were together every few days.

When I was about 13-14, their Dad got a job in another state and they moved about 6 hours away. I was really nervous that the friendship would falter, but it didn't. I think that when someone is as close as family for your whole life, friendship just doesn't fade. Jen and I would sometimes go a year or more between phone calls and several years between visits, but whenever we talked or got together, it was like we had never been apart! She knows and loves me just like my family and I consider her more of a sister than a friend - she is a totally concrete part of my life.

As for other friendships, they would not prove to be of the same level. I decided to attend public school during my sophomore year of high school and a portion of my junior year. I made several friends, none of which held once I left the public school system. I got my first job at 16 and made several friends, one closer than the rest - she ditched me for a boyfriend and I have never heard from her since. All the rest faded away.

I have made friends at various jobs and in classes that I have taken, but none seemed to hold. I always got "dumped", as in one day the friend stopped calling, stopped returning messages and fell out of my life. If I have ever run into that person somewhere, they always lament the loss of my friendship and that we should "totally get together sometime!" It never happens.

I got out of the habit of looking for friends. I was fully consumed with my job (or in some cases 3), working on my degree and whatever boyfriend I was seeing, so I was not lonely. I actually preferred to be on my own. When I was not working, studying, cleaning my house, or whatever, I was tired, and did not want to try to hit the bar scene - I wanted to watch TV and sleep!!

I met miss Sassy this first night of the hard core, balls to the wall, finish that damn degree program and we were part of the same study group. It took a while before we warmed up to being really close friends, but I feel like she is one of those one-in-a-million kind of friends and I plan on working hard to stay her friend - even if she decides to move to Europe!

My life has since calmed down a bit - I have completed my BBA degree and have almost completed the wedding planning craziness. So I have been thinking that perhaps I should get a hobby of some kind! Getting into something fun would be a great way to meet people and make some new friends - only.... I am not sure that I want or need any!!

I have a tight knit group of people that I love and love me back - what more could a person want? I have heard that people come and go in your life to help you learn some cosmic lesson and if that is true, people will come and go in my life in the that they are meant to.

I don't think that I am going to worry about it!

UPDATE:

While I was typing this, I received a series of e-mails that has prompted me to sign up for the MBA program - I guess I can put the hobby hunt on hold for a while!! :)

Good Day

I have had such a good day!
I spent the day at an Advanced Excel training class, I have learned so much!! The class was both Monday and today, so I was technically out of the office, but both days I went into the office after the class was over, so.... when I go into the office tomorrow, I will be much less behind than I would have been otherwise!

I spent the afternoon with Sassy, as she helped me work on the super secret Groom's gift! OK, you pulled it out of me!! It is a black leather book full of pages of pictures of both Smug-Hub and I as baby's on up to our current dating life. The first page of the book will be a love letter (that I am still trying to draft), and the last page will be a place for our wedding picture. I am going to give it him on the wedding day! I really hope that he likes it!

I would have just stuck pictures to pages and been done with it, but Sassy has this incredible artistic and creative talent and spent 3 hours this afternoon putting together about half the book is these beautiful pages! I am so impressed with my amazingly talented friend!!!!

I know that I have mentioned before how lucky I am, but I am constantly reminded of just how truly lucky I am to have all that I have, including this wonderful friend!

Now, how could I have come home and posted about what a bitch my poor father had this misfortune to marry??

Elaine

I want to begin this post with a disclaimer: I know that a large percentage of brides have wedding issues far worse than mine, but I am going to bitch about mine anyway!

Elaine dated my brother for about 6-7 years, she and I and Smug-Sister became very close and we often told her that if she got smart and ditched out brother, we would keep her as our sister (this was all in joking and fun, so I doubt this is why my brother hates me..) When my bro started going out drinking and drugging every night, she told him that she was not going to put up with it and he moved out. She went into a tailspin, sleeping around and drinking a lot. Smug-Sister and I stayed my her side and helped her through the pain. She dated a few different guys, but nothing serious until Luke (aka: The Ass).

She cried most of the time that I saw her. He seemed to have emotional/mental issues and would start fights with her for the oddest reasons. I heard stories about him taking her to visit his family and then starting a fight that ended up with her luggage and car keys being thrown into the river, or thinking that some guy was flirting with her at his cousin's wedding and throwing a nasty fit in front of everyone.

He spent last Christmas with his family out of town and she spent Christmas with us. He called and chewed her out about spending time with us, because he felt that we wanted her to back with out bro, and we against him. She spent the rest of Christmas crying on my shoulder. I told her that she deserved someone really special and she told me that he was really great and he never acted like this (except every time I saw or talked to her).

The morning in March that I had set up the appointment for all the bridesmaids to go to David's Bridal to try on bridesmaid dresses, I got a call from Smug-Sister. She and The Ass had gotten into a fight over the phone the night before. Apparently, Smug-Sister had had a few drinks and in attempting to call Elaine, she thought that the connection was broken but ended up leaving a message on the voicemail. Someone else in the bar asked Smug-Sister if Elaine was seeing anyone, Smug-Sister replied that she was seeing this guy that was kind of an asshole. Elaine must have gotten the message and let The Ass listen to it. At which point he called Smug-Sister several times to scream at her.

When Elaine showed up at DB (about 45 minutes late), The Ass was with her. I told him that he could not come back into the dressing room to confront Smug-Sister and Elaine went back and made up with Smug-Sister. When she went back outside to tell The Ass that all was well, he threw a fit, Elaine came back crying and saying that they had broken up. He wanted to use her phone to call a cab. I took him the phone to spare Elaine anymore verbal abuse. He proceeded to tell me what a C*** Smug-Sister was, I bit my tongue until he got fed up and stormed into the store yelling for Elaine.

We decided to bag the dress shopping and attempted to get Elaine out of the store. At this point The Ass decided that he did not want to break up and tried to physically remove Elaine from the back seat of Smug-Sisters car. When Smug-Sister tried to intervene, he gave her a nice hard shove. I don't know where the strength came from, but I took his arm and spun him off the car, Smug-Sister shut and locked the car doors. He started to cuss at me calling me about ever wonderful name you can think of, I got into the car and we pulled away.

We hid out at a local bar for a while, telling her she was so much better off - we took her back to her car and she said that she was going to call him to work out a time for him to move his stuff from her place. Smug-Sister and I told her that we were going to worry until we heard from her. She never called... After 3 messages from me and 6 from Smug-Sister, she called Smug-Sister to tell her that they were back together.

I e-mailed her informing her that The Ass would not be welcome at the wedding, and I did not feel secure that, if she were in the wedding, he would be able to stay away. She responded that she respected that and would not be in the wedding. I responded that I loved her and she should call me that weekend and we would meet up to try to work out any remaining issues. I am still waiting for that call..... I am sure that part of his "conditional forgiveness" of taking her back was that she must cut ties with us.

I am hurt about it, and I am worried about her. She grew up with and alcoholic father, she finds this behavior to be acceptable. I miss her!! It has been 6 months, and I still miss her!

I hope that she will find the strength to leave The Ass, and pull her life back together, and I will be there for her when she does.

If The Tux Fits...

Smug-Sister and I took Will to get fitted for his tux for the wedding. They took his measurements and had him try on a shoe and the jacket. He was this massive ball of energy the whole time we were walking into the store and waiting to be helped. I thought he was going to pinball off the displays and start bouncing off of other people!

As soon as the attendant started to measure him, he stood stock still, his knees and ankles locked together - to the point that he started to fall over because he was so unbalanced!

As soon as the measurements were complete, he resumed bouncing off the walls!

We then went to Abuelo's for dinner and ate myself silly with several enchilada's and chips, and I think that my dear friend Sassy was kidding when she said that Mexican food allows here to stay on the diet plan! I went home to pass out on the couch for a while!

To Wash Or Not To Wash

I had planed to make this post about my upcoming trip to get Will (my nephew, ring bearer) fitted for his tux. But.... I drink a lot of water during the day and needed to make a quick visit to the restroom, so that is where the subject matter for this post is actually coming from....

Why are different people so different about bathroom habits?? When I visited the restroom here at the office, there were two women already each in a stall. Talking. To each other. I came in and did what I had to do and was washing my hands before either one of the other women flushed. This leads one to believe that they were both sitting there, chatting and pooping.... I don't understand this! I know that we all do the same things in the bathroom, but it is really a private and personal process that really does not need to be discussed or done with anyone else's involvement!

AND PLEASE!!!! What is with people not washing their hands?????????? Let's say that you are a generally scuzzy kind of person and don't feel that washing your hands when you are finished in the bathroom is necessary. You must have at least an idea that the rest of the world finds hand washing to be not only important, but non-negotiable! When you are being your normal scuzzy self in a public bathroom, wouldn't it be embarrassing to you to let your co-workers know just how scuzzy you are by not washing your hands??

OK, let's assume that you were only in the stall to say blow your nose or have a good cry - everyone else who used that stall before you touched the same door handle - you have no idea if the last person in the stall peed all over their hands and then touched the door handle!!! Wash your DAMN hands people!!

Does your scuzzy self not know how many germs live in the bathroom? Do you just not care if you get sick? Or make others sick??

This process of turning on the water, wetting your hands, applying a bit of soap, rubbing a bit, rinsing and drying, just too much for you???

People - do whatever you want in your own home, just know that if I am visiting your home and realize that you are a scuzzy person who does not wash their hands after using the bathroom, I am taking myself home to my own bathroom for a disinfecting shower!!

Don't even get me started on people who don't' use their turn signals..... it's a finger flip people!!!!

Thoughts on Religion

Some people hide behind their religion, some people use it as a weapon, some people are ashamed of theirs, and others ignore it all together. For me, I think that religion or spirituality is a personal thing. If you find something that gives you peace and makes you feel good, then that is the religion for you.

I have a person in my life, whom I admire, but who feels that there is only one way to be close to God and if you are not on that path, you are doomed! I don’t understand this narrow view of God. There is a line from the movie “Saved” that has always stayed with me “If God wanted us all to be the same, then why did he make us all so different?” Having only one way to reach God does not really make sense to me. There are different approaches to almost everything in life, from politics to child rearing to how to cook eggplant!! How can there only be one “right” way to love or be close to God??

I took a world religions class one semester, and found that in all the religions that we studied, the basic principles were the same. Love each other, peace, faith, hope, happiness. The other thing that I noticed was that most of the religions failed to follow these basic principles in the name of their religion, such as the Smug-Hubtian Ten Commandments – “Thou Shall Not Kill” and the Crusades - total opposite from the main law of their religion. Killing in the name of faith is not a principle of ANY of the religions that I know about.

I have been burned by “Smug-Hubtians” in the past and I have found most of them to be hypocrites. I believe that God is all knowing and all seeing and I believe that God knows that I do my best to live and let live, have peace and balance in my life, be good to others, not litter, you know, stuff like that. I don’t need a building with a bunch of crap to recite to bring me close to God!!

I have recently converted to the Catholic faith…. I started the process when Smug-Hub and I first started to discuss the possibility of marriage. He is a cradle Catholic and was set on getting married in the Catholic Church. We started to attend mass on Sunday’s and I called about getting into the classes to convert. I was not so much interested in changing my belief system, but I was willing to make a change to give him the wedding that was important to him.

When I called about getting into the classes, I was told that you did not have to be Catholic to get married in the Catholic Church. She told me that the church wanted to people to come to the church freely with the coercion that would be in place with the marriage requirement. I decided to start the classes anyway and see what being Catholic was all about – I could always back out at any time.

When I attended the first class I was very nervous, as I waited for the judging and condemning to begin – there was none! When we attended Mass, my favorite aspect was the sense of community, the symbolism and ritual involved. I don’t feel any closer to God in church as I do the rest of the day or week, but I like setting aside time to focus on it.

I was very happy when I was baptized and confirmed into the church – mostly because Smug-Hub was so proud he was ready to pop out of his skin! The Church’s stance is about however much or little you feel comfortable with is how much you should do. If you want to attend Mass 3 times a week and go to confession every week then that is what you should do! If you only need to come to mass on special occasions and never pray the rosary, than that is OK to. I felt accepted! I feel that I can still have my own ideas about faith and still have that church community that I crave.

Bottom line – Find something that makes you feel good about where you are! Find God in the trees, a sunset, a child’s laugh, a church, a synagogue, or anywhere else! But, please, please, please, give others a chance to find their own way to God – it is not your job to make everyone think the way that you do. Are you right? Yes – for you. Am I right? – Yes, for me!!

These are just my thoughts and opinions – right or wrong, they are mine and I am entitled to them! Thanks for reading!!

Thoughts on Marriage

I have always heard that relationships are hard, relationships take work. Because of this, I spent many years in dysfunctional messes that I called relationships. What people don’t tell you is that the hard work is along the lines of gardening for someone who loves to garden, or photography for someone with the natural gift for capturing something on film.

As unhappy as I was during my years with Dave and with Gregg, I would not wish to go back and change anything because I really like the person that I have become and I love my life! The time I spent with each of them taught me about what I wanted from a relationship and how I deserved to be treated. More importantly, I learned about what I did not want and how I refused to be treated.

I am going to be legally married to Smug-Hub a just a few weeks. I say “legally” because we are already married in every way except legal. Smug-Hub and I have both learned from our pasts, and we respect each other. We understand what kind of work and compromise is required to make two separate lives into one cohesive unit. We hold each other up when we stumble, we listen when one of needs to vent. We never yell at each other or call each other names. When disagreements arise we are able to step back and look at each others point of view and we respect each other enough to work toward a solution that works for us both.

I used to think that if a couple was not fighting they did not care enough about the relationship to fight for it. I see now that Smug-Hub and I don’t fight because to DO care enough about the relationship to fight for it! We both deal with our internal desires to have everything our own way and pick the battles that are truly important and let the minor stuff go – it’s not worth it.

I know that Smug-Hub and I have both had our hearts broken in the past and we were both a bit nervous to give our patched up and battered hearts to someone else, but because of out past pain and past struggles we are both so much more aware of how precious this love is that we have found in each other.

I am so excited about getting married! I don’t think that the day after the wedding everything will change or something. I don’t think of marriage as a “cure”, but as a new chapter, one that I am excited to get to! I almost wish that the whole wedding thing was over, because that “day” is not the important thing – yes, I want it to be perfect and fun, but everything could fall apart, because as long as we are married at the end of the day – it will be perfect!

Family, The Ties That Bind And Gag...

So, I had a full 15 minute phone conversation with my brother the other day! We talked about movies and movie clubs and a few other minor things - he was actually PART of the conversation!! He actually talked back to me!! So, when I got my car inspected later that morning I suggested to him that I take him to see the Transformers movie the following evening since Smug-Hub would be out of town. He gave some lame excuses, but told me to call Wednesday afternoon to see if he could go.

I called him and he told me that he still had not showered up from work yet, and was supposed to give someone a ride later and would not be able to make the movie. I fully expected this and was fine with it.

I asked him if he had put in the request to have the day of the wedding off, as he works on Saturday's. He started to say "uhhhhh", and I went on saying that I would like to call on him during the day of the wedding to help run any errands that might come up. I told him that I would be very grateful. He proceeded to tell me that he might have been able to take a day off if it was any other day but Saturday as it was their busiest day. I told him that his sister did not get married all the time, that this was a once in a lifetime event and I was sure that they would be able to do without him for one day. He said that it was more complicated than that and he was just planning on coming to the wedding after he got off that day at 5. I told him that the wedding would be over by then and by the time he went home and showered the reception would be almost over!! He said "well, you know me, I'm not one for the mushy stuff" I said "It's not really about you is it? It is about a day that is of monumental importance to someone that you love" He said "We are going to have to talk about this later, I actually have people over right now and I need to go" I said "OK, I love you and I will call you later" He hung up.

I am very hurt! I don't ask much of my brother, he is not much into the family thing - OK. I make sure to acknowledge his birthday with a gift and Christmas with a gift because I love him, not because I expect something is return (which never happens anyway). I don't ask for free services on my car - nothing!! Except this! I want my family around on this most special of days! I thought that I was getting somewhere with David, what with the 15 minute phone call and everything!!

I don't know what we (the family) has done to make him hate us all so much!! He hates family get together's, except where gifts for him are involved (I know that is mean to say, but I am pissed). His excuse for everything is that he has no money, but he has money for full body tattoos and cigarettes!! What have I done?????????????

I feel all the more angry about this because my cousin is having a tiff with my uncle so she is not coming to the wedding either. Forget that this may be the last time our grandparents can make this kind of trip, forget that I have NOTHING to do with the argument - forgo the wedding because it might be tense for HER!

I don't ask much of others - I go out of my way to help whenever someone asks something of me. I try hard not to say no even when it puts hardship on me or stress on me. Smug-Hub is always telling me that it is OK to say no and that I should only say yes when it is truly no hardship of any kind. I really like helping others, it brings be joy to help out a friend. But, it does not to lead to people taking advantage, asking me to take on hardship when they know it is a hardship, making it hard for me to say no, even when they know that I would like to. But I don't get bitter, I help whenever and however I possibly can. I don't ask for much in return - why can't my own family members put me first just this once??

I miss my brother, I have not seen my cousin is several years - they are not able to put aside their own selfish impulses and think about someone else for just one day??

I don't care - I don't need them - I have plenty of other people in my life who are putting me first. Still cuts just a bit to know that people that are just acquaintances are moving their lives around to make it and putting out money for planes and hotels and my own local brother can't be bothered to take a few hours off work.....

Super Model for a Day!

OK, so I had the best day yesterday!! I had my bridal portrait session at 5pm, so the whole day was spent in preparation! I actually was so excited that I was not able to sleep well and was up for the day at 3:30 - so I watched some Bridezillas and had a bowl of Cheerios, then went to work getting all my wedding gear together. Makeup, hair stuff, undergarments, jewelry, camera, etc. Then I got Smug-Hub up and took him to work, then I ran out to SpeeDee (the place where my brother works) and got my car inspected. When I returned home I took my time in the shower, shaving my legs, doing a facial mask, stuff like that - I just wanted to feel pampered. About 20 minutes before I needed to leave the house I started feeling like I was in desperate need of nap, so I set the timer and shut my eyes, about 45 seconds later Smug-Sister called, so I talked to her for a few minutes and then it was time to head out.

I met up with Mom and Will at SpeeDee so Mom could leave her car to be worked on and we all headed up with Rocky Mount to the hair place. Candy cut Will's hair first and then went to work on me! I had a picture of a sort of messy updo/bun thing that I thought looked really cool and Candy put a bit of her own creativity into the design, and I TOTALLY LOVED IT!!! The outcome was very classy and unique and did I mention how much I loved it???

We then headed back into Roanoke and I realized that all I had eaten all day was Cheerios! So we ran to Panera for a quick salad and Sassy met up with us there and we all drove to the hotel (where I was to get ready) together!

Sassy and Smug-Sister helped me get into all my wedding finery and then Sassy went to work on my makeup. This would be the time to mention that I currently have 2 zits (I hardly ever break out) AND a gold sore on my lip!! Sassy had her work cut out for her, but she rose to the challenge and I turned out looking fabulous. Smug-Sister helped me with the necklace and earrings and I was all set and ready to go.

The photographers arrived about that time and we started taking pictures! We took a few at the hotel then we all piled into cars and drove downtown and spent the next few hours walking around and taking pictures at cool locations. The photographers, d'Artisti, were so much fun to work with! They are a married couple and they are so cute with each other! They bicker and banter back and forth just like Smug-Hub and I do - I could so be buddies with them!!

When we finished up, I was really anxious to get back into "summer" clothes and took a nice long shower when I got home! I was tired, hungry, and completely happy! This was so much fun!! Everyone should have a couple of photographers take them to cool places and spend hours taking a ton of pictures!! So much fun!!

I am such a lucky woman! I have a wonderful family, great friends, a fabulous boy who wants to marry me, a job that I enjoy, an education, a nice car and a nice place to live!! I am so grateful to have all this!!

Love of a Lifetime

I received a card from my Grandmother in yesterday's mail. She was congratulating me on my recent completion of the BBA program. She sent me money, which all Grandparents do, but what made this so special to me, was that she did this all on her own. In my Grandparent's marriage, my Grandmother took care of the home and the children and my Grandfather took care of bring in the money and paying the bills. My Grandmother never learned how to balance a checkbook or even write checks! Every birthday card or check that I received was always in my Grandfathers handwriting.

A few years ago, my Grandfather came very close to passing away, after the scare pasted, he insisted that she set down with him every month to pay the bills, balance the checkbook and learn about all the details that he had always been responsible for. She was very slow to learn, but finally a few months ago, they set her up with her very own checking account and she has been working on managing her own money.

The check that she wrote me was from her very own checking account and the card was written and signed by her alone!

This is a strange feeling for me. I feel proud of her. Proud that she has been able to learn something that is like a complete second nature for me. She is learning to be more self sufficient and should be able to care for herself if/when she is on her own.

My Grandparents will celebrate their 62nd wedding anniversary this year! They have been a part of each others lives for so long, that I am not sure that either of them would be able to function if the other passed on.

I went to the funeral for the wife of a very dear friend yesterday, Dover and his wife had been married for 43 years, and he is in so much pain that I feel tears welling up as I type this. I cried throughout the service, and at the conclusion, Dover headed down the center aisle to hug Smug-Hub, they both broke down in tears. Dover then hugged me and kept apologizing for his tears.

I know that death is a part of life, and I truly hope to spend the next 43 or 62 years loving Smug-Hub as much as my Grandparents love each other or Dover and Dolores loved each other. I know that I am going to have to morn the loss of both of my sets of Grandparents and probably both of my parents and maybe even Smug-Hub before I will leave this earth and I don't know if I am strong enough to do it....

Smug Falls Apart

I think that the school, work, wedding, moving, stress has finally caught up with me. I have been getting steadily sicker since Tuesday. I started feeling like a had a small frog in my throat Monday night and woke up Tuesday morning feeling like dog crap. I went into work for a few hours to do some "must do's" and then I e-mailed everything that I needed to myself and went home to work from home and rest. I thought that this was working OK, I was getting things done and still getting time to sleep. I even felt better Wednesday, but Thursday and today have just been really bad. I lost most of my voice yesterday and while I am able to function during the main part of the day, the mornings and evenings are really horrible. I can't breathe and can't rest due to the lack of breathing.

I am finally printing the board package and actually have it about 75% complete. Once they go into the mail, I am heading home. Smug-Hub has decided that I HAVE to see the doctor, so I made a 2pm appointment. I really hope that whatever they give me allows me to sleep like all weekend long!! I am so tired and achy and did I mention that I can't breathe?? There is an actual whistle when I pull air into my lungs, I think this is from the Flem in my throat, which no amount of painful coughing helps to dislodge.

OK, enough with the pity party!! We had friends over last night for dinner and to watch 300. I went to bed about half way through it and the whole evening is kind of a haze, but it was very stylized, and reminded me of Sin City, so if you liked Sin City, you will probably like 300 too. I am actually looking forward to watching it all the way through.

I am getting married next month!! 50 days!!

By The Power Of Grayskull!

OK, Hot Fuzz is officially the funniest movie of the year!! Smug-Hub and I loved Shawn of The Dead and so thought we would like Hot Fuzz too. We went to see it in the theatre and spent the next week quoting it to each other and randomly laughing as a scene came to mind. Believe me, our friends thought we were possessed or something.

Well, it finally came out on DVD and arrived at our house yesterday, we did not even stop to make dinner before popping it into the DVD player and watching it. We laughed as much as we did the first time and kept grabbing or smacking each other as one part or another came on the screen.

Once you see the movie you will understand the title of this post!

Then, we both promptly feel asleep on the couch until about 11:30pm - we are such the old married couple already! Yes, this was our wild and crazy evening - staying up late to watch a movie on a work night!!!

We are planning on having a cookout tonight with another couple and watching the other movie that arrived yesterday - 300. Smug-Hub saw it in the theatre in ABQ with his brothers and they all loved it. I will let you know what I think, I heard it was pretty graphic and bloody, but maybe it will still be OK.