Monday, July 20, 2009

Still Feeling Sickly

Well, I have been totally putting life on hold for the most part waiting to start feeling better. I am currently almost 11 weeks, so I am expecting to start feeling better soon, within the next 2 weeks or so. I am managing it better, but only just. I have been putting off school work, house work, seeing friends, everything. I just don't have the energy to sit and talk with someone, I just want to try to rest and not throw up. I have been feeling better today, which is why I am gracing you all with a nice post. Don't you just feel lucky??

My brother is currently in jail and will probably remain there the full 5 months of his sentence. He was arrested for possession with intent to distribute pot. I think that there were several technicalities that should have resulted in the charges being dismissed, but my brother did not have a very good lawyer and ended up pleading no contest. I am actually very proud of him for taking his licks here. So many times you see people passing the buck, blaming everything and everyone else for their problems and he knows he was breaking the law and he knows that he needs to pay for it.

There are lots of the should have done's, like he should have gotten into some kind of drug counseling program and other activities to show the judge that he had really turned his life around, but he did not do that, so when it came time to sentence him, the judge did not feel like David just telling him that he was cleaned and had stopped was enough. However, the judge is making the felony go away. He gave David a massively stiff sentence for the smaller drug charge and if David does anything and everything that he is asked to do, then the felony will go away. This is really huge, and the judge probably did this because he knew our father is a retired cop. David is having a hard time seeing such a long sentence as a a good thing and I totally understand where he is coming from, but he does know that there isn't anything he can do about it now and he is resigned to serving his time, getting out and moving on with his life.

I hope that someday we will all look back at this as a needed adventure that helped David change his lifestyle and become... I don't know... I drug councilor or lawyer or something. Just as long I never have to worry about him like I am worrying now, I will be happy. I just want him to be happy. I think that he longs deeply for true love and a family and I really hope that he is able to find that. It took me into my 30's to find my true love, it may take him that long too, but I hope not.

I have been in talks with my bosses and others within my company about starting a work-from-home program. While I hate the work, if I could do it from home, allowing me to bring in an income while still staying home with my baby, it would be worth it! They all seem to be on board; working from home is the future as it will save so much, from cutting down on sick days, to helping the earth since less people will be driving to and from the office each day. I really hope that sometime next month they will get moving on it. I would like to get settled in at home and get all the bugs worked out before the baby comes. I am keeping all my fingers crossed!!

I went to a couple of yard sales this weekend and ended up finding the perfect rocking chair for me and the baby. It was built by the Amish in Pennsylvania about 35 years ago, if the seller can be believed. It is very sturdy and solid and comfortable and I am very excited about it! I also found a Baby Bjorn for $10. I think those retail for close to $100, so I am stoked about that deal too. I also found a book on natural baby food and other "green" baby ideas. I just love the idea of getting all Mother Earthy and if I can work from home part time, I will have plenty of time to make all natural baby food and stuff like that.

Why, by the way, do people feel the need to criticize if you are thinking about parenting in a way that differs from them??? Why can't people just live and let live???? I want to use cloth diapers, I used them when I changed my brother and sister when they were babies and I used them when I changed my nephew. It is not like this isn't a known quantity, I know the work involved, but I also know about the huge cost savings in the long run and you can't get any worse than disposables for the environment. I also believe that disposables have a time and place, like while traveling. The cloth ones out now are so cool, some of them even some with liners that allow you to toss the poop and wash the rest, they have Velcro just like plastic, so they are even easier than before. Why do people feel the need to roll their eyes at me or say "yeah, we'll see how long that lasts" Do you really care how I diaper my child? Really? Do I bug you about how to diaper or diapered your kid? NO, I don't care - you did it your way, I'll do it mine!

OK, well, sorry about that rant. I guess that this stuff is really getting to me. It's like everyone discounts my thoughts and plans because I don't actually have a baby yet, so I don't understand, but I just don't really understand why people care. It's like the people who, when they find out you are pregnant, like to tell you about all the miscarriages they had or know about. Or about their horrible birth experience - again, WHY? What purpose does this serve besides making my worry or be scared?

OK, I really am finished with that rant.....

I have been connecting with my cousins via Facebook lately, including the one currently on duty in Iraq. He is online a lot of mornings when I am getting ready for work, it is like noon there then, and I bet he likes being able to connect with family at home, and everyone else is sleeping. All my cousins are excited about the baby. A new baby is always exciting, but the whole family knows about how long we have been trying and how hard it has been to get this far. I am so lucky to have such a close family, we make a point of getting together once or twice a year, Easter and Thanksgiving and whoever can make it comes and we all see each other. There is so much love there, even if we don't all understand some of the choices we make, there is never a doubt of the love that we have for each other. It makes me sad to hear about families that don't get along.

I am getting ready to start the last course in the MBA program tomorrow (7/21/09). The last 7 week countdown starts and the last huge papers will be begun. I am dreading having to get back into the late nights, no free time, constant reading way of life, but I am excited about getting it over with and then being able to concentrate fully on being a mom. I will be the first person in my family, both immediate and extended to have this high a level of education and everyone is very proud of me! I am proud of me! I hope that I will still feel that way once the $100,000 in student loans comes due :( Maybe I should enroll in another program of study and keep putting those loans off.... nah, probably best to just get started paying them off... You think?


  1. i can't believe you're almost 11 weeks! it's going by so fast!

  2. It's worth staying in a community college program or something like that once you finish the MBA just to keep the loans at bay. $100k is scary!

    The answer to your camera question is that I use two Panasonic point-and-shoots. The DMC-F7 and DMC-F8. They're both kinda old now and out of date. I'd think you'd be best off with a camera that is good at taking HD format movies as well as still shots. That would be perfect for baby stuf, Smug.