I need to get my house cleaned, really cleaned. I need to get in a good hike or exercise class or something. I need to carve out some time during my day to get the downstairs organized again. I need to plan out a dairy and sugar detox and get this addictive crap out of my system and get back to losing weight and feeling decent about myself.
I feel like when one area of my life is a mess, then it spills over into all the other areas of my life. When I work all week for Smug-Sister and am not getting home until 5:30 or 6 in the evening, there isn't time for anything beyond giving my daughter the attention and one-on-one time that she so desperately needs before it is time to try to tackle sleeping. There isn't time for an organizing project, there is hardly time to make dinner.
When I get into a slump like this, it is really hard to pull myself out. I look around and see so much that needs to get done and I really don't have any help. Smug-Hub really needs me to tell him what I need him to do and then he may or may not do it. I learned a long time ago that the only person I could count on was myself and I don't ask for help easily, so it is doubly hard for me to ask him for help and then him not do what I asked, or throw me an attitude like he is so put upon! So, I end up not getting everything done and feeling badly about it.
I wish that I didn't need the money that comes in from working for Smug-Sister. Because I really loved being home all the time. I was really knocking out projects right and left, my house was clean all the time, things were organized, I had time to take Smug-Baby to mommy groups or swimming class, I had time to make lovely meals for my family and still had time to read while she napped or played. Now, I just rush from one thing to the next, doing the bare minimum and feeling pulled in all these directions.
Not that I blame my sister for this in anyway and I am not really complaining, because I love spending time with my sister and Smug-Niece and I love watching the girls play together and grow together! I really do!! I guess I just wish that the hours were shorter or it were for less days or something to give me time to be a wife and mother to my own family - does that make sense?
Beyond winning the lotto, which is made even harder by the fact that we don't buy tickets, our financial situation isn't going to change anytime soon and my thinking about having another baby throws another set of concerns into the mix, so I have to find a way to achieve balance in my life without quitting work for my company or my sister and without letting my house fall down around my ears.
I need to communicate all this to my husband and impress upon him how hard things are for me to keep up on and maybe we can come up with a list of tasks that are just his to handle. Like now, all the yard care and maintenance is his job. Maybe he can take over cleaning the bathrooms weekly and cleaning the kitchen daily or something.
When I put everything down on paper, it really feels like I should be able to handle everything that I need to take care of, but I can't and I need to find a better way... or start playing the lotto :)