Monday, August 30, 2010

This Weekend

I spent most of the afternoon Friday cleaning the house. This means that I scrubbed the bathroom while singing the bouncy baby song to Smug-Baby while she jumped around in the Johnny Jump-up, dusted with her in the Mei Ti, washed dishes and mopped the floors while she played in the Exer-saucer, changed the sheets and towels while she played on the bedroom floor. During her naps I emptied the trash and dusted areas I could not reach while she was attached to me. This teething thing makes her just a touch more needy, a touch more irritable. She wants to always be able to see me and would prefer that I was sitting beside her while she plays. By the end of the day I was beyond exhausted and shaking with fatigue and hunger (because I forgot to eat lunch).

Smart ole' Smug-Hub took one look at me and the house when he got home and declared that dinner was going to be out and on him. We got Chinese take-out and after eating, he took Smug-Baby downstairs so I could vacuum (she hates the vacuum now for some reason). I decided after all that work that I needed a hot shower. I took the opportunity to shave my legs and after getting clean had daddy bring the baby to me and got her clean too.

We all went to bed clean and smelling sweet on clean sheets in a clean house! I feel so much peace when my house is clean!

A friend I haven't seen in several months came over for brunch Saturday morning and that was lovely. I worked on laundry and washed diapers, but Saturday was mostly spent playing with Smug-Baby on the floor and relaxing.

My dad called in the late afternoon to tell me that my cousin had passed away. She was about a year younger than I am and had a young son. She had a lot of problems and has spent the last several years in jail for crimes related to drug addiction. She had only been out about 3 weeks and the details of her death are still unclear. This news has me in shock. She is the second of my cousins to pass away too young and I keep hearing over and over in my head that I thought there would be more time.

I loved my childhood playmate who was full of fun and humor with a deep belly laugh that was so infectious that you couldn't help being pulled into whatever the joke was. I remember eating junk food and watching movies, staying up all night and sleeping most of the day. I loved her, but I never got to know the woman she had become. I never knew the wife and mother she was or the details of daily life. While 3 hours is not really that long, we lived far enough apart that we only saw each other once or twice a year and then not at all after she went to jail.

The last time I saw her was at our grandmother's funeral and I have to say he were both so caught up in our own grief that I don't remember if we even spoke.

Rest in peace my darling girl, I know that now you are free of the problems of this world. You are loved and you will be missed.

Moving on to Sunday. Smug-Hub and I took the baby for a hike up to this large star that overlooks our city and it was lovely to be out in the sun and listen to the birds. Smug-Baby loved being outside and "talked" most of the way up until she fell asleep. I had her in the pack all the way up (thinking that I would pass her off when I got too tired) and Smug-Hub had all the way down, which turned out to be a good thing, because I kept rolling my ankles and would have fallen if I'd had her on my back!

We then came home to shower up and head out for a hardy breakfast, totally undoing any weight loss benefits :) Then he treated me to a pedicure to help ease the tension I had accumulated from grief as well as the physical output from house work and hiking. It was lovely and I left feeling like I could face anything.

We spent the rest of the afternoon working on little things around the house. He cleaned up some of his fishing equipment and I worked on packing up the baby clothes that are too small for her. He made dinner while I folded the last of the laundry. He cleaned up while I got the baby ready for bed. My dad came by on his way home from my uncle's and ate dinner with us and filled us in on what he knew about my cousin's death. I think that it helped him to be around a smiling baby and the comfort of good food and the love of his family.

I think that the funeral will be this week and I hope that I can make arrangements to be there. I almost feel like if I don't go then I can pretend that it didn't happen and that I will just see her at the next family Thanksgiving...


  1. Awesome on how great you are doing with being motivated and getting things done. You are a great mom/wife/homemaker/woman! :)

    So sorry to hear of your loss...that sounds so tough. Will you see her young son much now?

  2. Thanks Jennifer - probably not any more than I did before. My aunt and uncle have had custody for a couple of years now and he has thrived under their care.