Friday, July 8, 2011


Last night was better, but I think it was only because I was so tired I slept through Smug-Baby waking up and wanting to crawl around and nurse and play. I remember her sitting up. I remember nursing some. I remember stroking her hair and hearing her whimper. But that is about it. I know that she was up and tossing and rolling around quite a bit, because I looked at the clock a few times. Once at 11:30 and again once she was back asleep at 12:45, but I really think that I was asleep most of that time. Latching her one and comforting her all while still sleeping.

Smug-Hub wasn't in bed for any of this despite his continued empty promise to come to be by 11:00. I had to pee so once she was finally back settled into sleep I got up. He was in the downstairs bathroom, so I took the laptops and the TV remote and hid them before going back to bed. I was pissed!

When I got up this morning, I remembered that he told me he needed to work on his review so that may have had him up late, however when I swiped the laptop, it wasn't powered on or anything. Also, I noticed that he had washed all the dishes, which was really nice to see those done. I sort of feel badly for being mad when he was doing dishes, except that the dishes took maybe 10 minutes and that is being generous! There is no reason for him to stay up all night long!

The only option at this point is separate bedrooms and just spend a few days/weeks getting Smug-Baby used to not having him in bed with us ever. I hate to take that step. I already feel like we are sleep walking through this marriage right now between our schedules and never seeing each other and me feeling angry a lot of the time.

I feel like I am being punished for something but I don't know what it is. Like he is being passive aggressive and I am missing the big picture. I feel like he shows me how unimportant I am and Smug-Baby are when he does stuff like this. I feel like he knows how important sleep is to me and to her and chooses to put himself first. I hate feeling like that, because I know he loves us, I guess he just loves himself more...

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