What To Do...

I am conflicted…

I guess that my desire to have another baby and my fears of running out of time are overriding my fears of the finances and handling the day to day stuff. I think that if we got pregnant here soon, then Smug-Baby and the new baby would be close enough in age to be friends, close enough that my putting off going back to work wouldn’t be like 10 years away. I could home school Smug-Baby until the new baby was school age and return to work then. I could have Smug-Niece brought to me for care instead of my going over there a few days a week and I go there a few days a week and just plan to run errands in the evenings or on the weekends (which is kinda what I do now most weeks anyway). Smug-Niece would be older by that time and perhaps no longer nursing at all, so it would be more like traditional child care.

If we got pregnant right away, I would be due about April/May which would mean that I wouldn’t be huge during the hottest part of summer and not have to worry about going into labor during a snow storm or something either.

I’ve always said that you shouldn’t have another baby until you need that new person in your life like you need air, and I’m not there yet. But, the thought of running out of time and losing my chance to have another child, the birth that I want, a sibling for Smug-Baby, etc. makes me feel really panicked too.

What should I do?