Monday, November 15, 2010

Week Wrap Up and Snakes

So last week was my first full week of watching Smug-Niece and doing my Grandpa's meds full time. Overall, it was doable and got easier as the week went on. I think that Smug-Baby is getting used to being at my sister's house and Smug-Niece is getting to know me a bit better too.

I am anxious to see how today goes, since we had the whole weekend at our house and Smug-Baby fell right back into her old nap routine. I am interested to see if she will nap today at her mostly normal times even if she is not in her own house and her own bed. I am interested to see if Smug-Niece remembers that I can give her comfort and she can be happy with me when her mama is not available.

This weekend I was able to get my house clean and most of the laundry completed, food shopping done and a big pot of soup made, I spent some quality time with my family too, so all in all it was a good weekend. I didn't wake this morning feeling dread or like "oh god, here we go again" so that's good!

Smug-Baby was really tried so she and I went to bed at 8:15 last night which would have been fine, but she woke up to nurse about midnight and started pinching my chest while sucking. This little fingers with a tiny amount of skin between them and she would roll and twist the skin and cause the most horrible pinching pain. When I took her little fingers and tried to hold them (which I have almost always done), this stopped the pinching and man, did she take offence!! She burst into tears and cried and cried.

By then she was totally awake and Smug-Hub took her to the living room so I could try and sleep. But, these allergies or whatever it is that is making me cough, started up and I kept coughing. These dry unproductive coughs that kept me awake and the noise kept Smug-Baby awake. I tried a Halls but didn't seem to do anything. It feels like I have a heavy cat sitting on my chest, but it's only at night and in the early morning.

She finally did fall back asleep about 1:30 and they both came back to bed and I was able to sleep again too.

The other issue last night was I dreamed of snakes. I am petrified of snakes. Unreasonably petrified of snakes! I know someone who is looking at purchasing a house and there is a family of garter snakes that live in one of the basement windowsills and although I haven't seen the snakes myself, I still dreamed they got into the house when it got cold and there were little baby snakes everywhere. In every drawer, in the bed sheets, under every toy. In the dream, I grabbed my purse and ran to my car to come home and when I got here, my purse was full of snakes and they got out and went all through my house.

I remember seeing them disappear into my kitchen floor, like they were sinking into the floor or becoming the same color as the floor, like chameleons and I knew that I would never find them all and I knew that I wouldn't be able to live in my house anymore. Even after I woke from the dream, I couldn't seem to separate from it, I couldn't stretch out my legs in the bed, I just knew that I would feel a snake down there. I couldn't get up and go pee, because I didn't want to step on any snakes or lift the lid to see one swimming in the bowl.

I know logically, that some snakes are really good. They eat insects and mice and other pests and I have never had a traumatic experience with snakes in my life, but I am really scared of them. I have bad dreams if I even see one of TV, let alone know of some in real life that are in a place that I may someday visit. I keep my phone lit every morning when I go out to my car because I am scared that I will step on one. I am scared that Smug-Hub will leave his car window cracked and one will get into the car and I won't know about it until it is crawling all over me while I am driving - totally irrational, I know!!

I don't know how to get over my fear. Smug-Hub says that I need to go somewhere and let them poor a bucket or two of snakes over me and that would do it, but I think that I would die of a heart attack before the buckets even got close. I need therapy!! If my friend buys this house, I may not ever be able to visit her :(

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