Thursday, January 6, 2011

Isn't That Just The Way It Goes...

As you know, I have been sick for about a thousand years now. I have had this head cold for over 2 weeks and the last one was only finished about 3 days before this one hit. I have pick eye and now, I think, I have developed a sinus infection. I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow and I am ready to take an antibiotic and kill this thing!

All this illness and discomfort has resulted in my not caring about how I look. I have left the house and done things that I needed to do with spit up on my shirt, baby poop on my jeans, no makeup (since I don't want to infect my mascara wand with pink eye), the nursing flaps of my bra unhooked and sometimes even pulled down, and a very red, very dry nose.

So, don't you know that I would run into an old crush at the gas pump yesterday! This is someone who I really lusted after for about 20 seconds until I realized that there wasn't any chemistry and he was a total slut! We ended up staying just friends and were actually really good friends until I ended my relationship with a boyfriend who was also this guy's friend. I lost my friend in the breakup. This is actually fine, I was vulnerable at the end of that relationship and if he and I had stayed friends, we probably would have slept together and then I would probably have all the million of STD's that he probably has :)

Anyway, it was nice to see him and we only chatted for a moment, but I was sorry that I was looking about as bad as I could have looked. I hope that he and my ex-boyfriend are no longer friends, because I would hate for it to get back to him that I looked like crap! I was thinking about it and wondering how my ex's are doing. I told myself that I just wanted to know that the people that I had once loved were all still doing well and living well. Then I had to be honest with myself - I don't give a crap how they are doing! I want them to know that I am doing well, and am happy and successful and living well!! I want them to see me and feel badly for the way they treated me and see how what they did to me didn't break me and how I'm better than ever and WAY better off without them!!

Why is that? Why do we care if someone who wasn't worthy of us knows how we are doing? I can't imagine that my ex-boyfriend's sit up at night thinking about how they did me wrong and wishing they could see me to know that I am OK!! I probably never cross their minds - if they didn't care enough about me to treat me well to begin with, why would they spend any time thinking about me at all? Bigger question - why do I care?

I think its a universal thing though - we always tend to run into the boy who broke our hearts when we are hungover or sick or its laundry day and we care about that. Something to think about I guess...

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