Wednesday, January 26, 2011


I am working on my quarterly project (the one that comes around every three months) and I am stressed out about it. I am trying to walk this delicate balance between being a good mother and a good employee. I try to work from home, so I can still be there for Smug-Baby, however, she knows that I am not really "with" her when I am on the phone or the computer and she spends most of the day in tears. How is that being a good mother? When she is crying in the background while I am trying to conduct business, how is that being a good employee?

I don't know what to do about the stress level in my life. We can't make ends meet without the extra money that all my jobs bring in. Period. We need this and more to live and unless we win the lotto or our tax return is unrealistically huge, that isn't going to change anytime soon. That being said, I loved it when I was just working 6-10 and then I was home. My house was clean, I was making healthy meals, and most of all my baby was happy all the time. She isn't happy all the time now.

I just loved having most of my day to play with her. I was able to attend mothering meeting groups and get all kinds of stuff done during the week so that our weekends were spent as a family. I am jealous of a friend who has her baby doing swimming and music and other fun things that I don't have the option of doing right now.

Maybe it is just the stress of this week talking, but I have got to find a better balance. I know that the week of this project every quarter is going to be really stressful and I enlist Smug-Sister and Smug-Grandma to help keep my daughter entertained and happy while I work, but this is the first one that I have tried to do while working my other two jobs and I am doing a lot of sweating!!

I really shouldn't complain and in 48 hours it will all be over and back to normal (whatever that is), but I am feeling a lot of stress about tomorrow and they are calling for 2-6 inches of snow between tonight and tomorrow and I just want everything to go smoothly and Smug-Baby to be happy and everything to get done.

Here is the other thing, in a matter of a few months, Smug-Niece will be nursing less and I will be able to take both girls to my house for a couple of hours to get things done. I will be able to take them both to a mommy group or to music classes or any number of other things. Once the weather warms up a bit, I will be able to take them on walks. It's just going to take a few more months of the hard stuff before they are able to play more on their own and I will have an easy job, just watching to make sure they don't pull each others hair... at least that is what I am telling myself and if you don't agree - don't tell me!!!

1 comment:

  1. Story of my life...balancing it all out. It's hard mama. I think you're doing great.