Disappointment

Smug-Baby is learning about disappointment recently. She really, really wants to play with the items inside the kitchen cabinets and drawers and since they have those little latches on them, they only open about 3 inches, enough to get an arm into, but not enough for said arm to pull anything back out with it. She cries bitterly when she can't remove an item for closer examination or when I remove her little arm and take her out of the kitchen.

She will cry and lay down on the floor, or cry and arch her back if I am holding her. I have started just soothing her with my words while patting her back if she is on the floor, and eventually her attention is captured by something else for a while.

I don't want to give in and let her play with things that she shouldn't and I'm not. However, I also don't want her to feel like I don't care that she is upset. So, I have been telling her how I know she is frustrated with me and that I am sorry that she is not allowed to play with the spices in the spice cabinet and how upsetting that can be. I hold her close and kiss her head. I take her to find something else to play with, but I never give in and let her play with something that I previously said she couldn't play with.

Smug-Hub and I differ on these little things. I feel like she is learning right here, right now what she is allowed to do and what she isn't. She is learning how to act in order to get what she wants (and I'm not talking about manipulation as I do know she is still too young to understand that) she is learning that what she does has resulting consequences. Such as she knows that when she makes the word "ice" Smug-Hub and I will give her a small piece of ice to suck on. She knows that when she cries and rubs her head into my chest that I will produce the Binky's and she can nurse.

Smug-Hub doesn't think that she is quite as aware of what is going on around her as I do. He still has a hard time with those words that aren't used in public around her and he will often tell her no just to tell her yes later when she cries about it. I try to intervene, I don't want her to learn that crying or flopping on the floor gets her the result she was after, but he doesn't think it matters much as this stage. I want to smack him when he lets her play with items we (I) have previously said no to. He looks at me and says "Well, she wanted it" He does really think that I am being silly, but mostly (I feel) he wants to be the good guy in her eyes. It's like he is competing with me for her love.

He will often say things to her like "mommy said no, I'm sorry, its mommy's fault". He says it like a joke, but even though she is only 13 months old, she hears his words, his tone and picks up on how we treat each other. He feels like its not a big deal and when she is older he will step up and do the discipline thing, but I don't see that happening and I don't want to compete for our child's love and affection. If asked, he will say that I am being silly and he, of course, isn't doing that, but its how I feel.

Maybe if I flop on the floor and cry he will give me what I want...