Friday, April 29, 2011
I am sitting here waiting for work to get sent my way and I can hear my child playing with her cousins outside with Smug-Grandma and the sun is shinning and there is a nice breeze and I am inside, with one eye on typing this post and another watching for emails to come into my inbox.
While I love my work and enjoy this quarterly project, it is stressful and more than that it takes me away from what I really want to be doing - hanging with my baby girl!
Last night Smug-Hub mentioned that his mother was thinking about coming to stay with us for a month or so over the summer. My first reaction wasn't rational, because if it was it would have been something like a nod and letting it go. Because there is very little chance that she will have months of vacation time to spend it all here, but that wasn't my reaction. I told him that she was welcome to come along with me and Smug-Baby as we go about our daily life.
He insisted that his mother would stay at our house with Smug-Baby and spend a lot of one-on-one time with her while I did other stuff. Like she can take my car and go do stuff with Smug-Baby while I am watching Smug-Niece. I reacted badly I know. I told him that while I love his mother and would love to have her around, having anyone staying with you for any length of time is hard because is messes up the routine and I waited a long time to have Smug-Baby and I know it is selfish, but I don't want to share her. I am fine to share her while I am still around, but I don't want to be shut out.
Now, I know that 1) he didn't mean it that way and was only really suggesting that I would have time to get a massage or something and 2) his mother would never dream of trying to take Smug-Baby away from my time with her. I think that I reacted badly because I was tired and also because I feel badly about missing my time with her this week and next during this project. I am just a wall away from her right now, but I want to be with her and I hate that Smug-Grandma is getting to push her on the swing and I am stuck working.
I think that if and when his mother comes to stay and for however long she stays it will all be fine and I really do want her to have a relationship with her grandchild! Last time she was here, I didn't stand up and say no when Smug-Hub would leave Smug-Baby at home instead of them all coming to work to meet up with her and while you wouldn't think that was any big deal, it meant 30 more minutes until I could hold her and I hated that! This time I will be sure to express that to my dear husband, so that he fully understands how I feel. I know if may be selfish, but I really don't care!
In other news:
I have been doing push-ups everyday. I have been doing the leg section of Tracy Anderson's DVD daily as well this week. I have been doing a workout video from SparkPeople which are each about 10 minutes everyday. That is actually seeming great and would be making a difference except that I can't seem to get my eating under control!
It started with the whole family Easter gathering and the fact that we are still working on the leftovers. While it has been a lifesaver not to have needed to hit the grocery store this week (because there is currently $0.09 in the checking account) that food is not healthy in the least and I can't remember the last time I ate a piece of fruit or looked sideways at a vegetable! Yes I know that potatoes and corn and sweet potatoes are vegetables, but mashed with eggs and milk and butter kinda cancel out any veggie goodness :)
So, I am probably going to have another gain at WW this weekend, but then I am going to visit my friend in North Carolina and we are planning on taking some walks and eating really good food. We also get paid Friday, so I will make up a grocery list that includes all kinds of veggies and fruit and get myself detoxed from all the Easter candy.
Until then, I will keep doing push-ups and try really hard to drive home past the Hot sign at Krispy Kreme without stopping!!