Thursday, August 25, 2011

Oh Yeah, I Remember This Feeling


I am again waiting.

I wait for the day on the calendar that is the day I can take that all important test. I wait for the blood that will tell me that another month will pass without taking that all important test. I wait for the signs, the tiredness, the sore boobs, the sick feeling in my stomach that will tell me that he or she has decided to join our family.

Are you still out there Little-Smug? Waiting for the right time? Or are you already here? Living within me?

I have found myself putting things on hold while I wait. I was going to order a new pair of jeans that are on sale on Amazon, but decided not to because I may not be able to wear them for long.

I was playing on the floor with Smug-Baby and Smug-Niece and they were blowing bubbles on my belly and it was tickling and I was laughing and they were laughing and I wondered if Little-Smug could feel the vibrations and hear the laughter of both mama and girls.

I remember this feeling. The hope. I remember knowing the second Smug-Baby was conceived and worried that I don't feel that way this month and worried that I won't be pregnant and seeing the negative test will be like losing all over again, only this time I know so much more about what I would be losing.

I don't like waiting... Also, the sooner I know for sure the sooner I can get ready for morning sickness or alternatively, feel relieved about not having morning sickness :)

I don't like waiting :(

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