I worry sometimes about how we will get by once I lose my job, but the chance to stay home and raise my babies is all I have ever wanted to do and soon I will get to do just that! I have been planning the things that I will tackle between the lay-off and when Little-Smug joins the family on this side of my belly. There are days when the alarm goes off and I haven't slept well or Smug-Baby is curled so perfectly into my body that I can't bear the thought of working any longer and wish that the lay-off would hurry up and take effect already.
I worry about money, knowing that we are barely making the ends come together as it is and thinking about how best to arrange things so that we can keep our house and car and pay everything we need to once my income drops to $0. Then, I watch Smug-Baby run, unprompted, back into her grandparent's arms for one last round of kisses before we leave and I know that being her mom was the reason I was brought to this earth and I know in my heart that everything will work out just fine.
I know that things will be tight and there will be hardships and perhaps tough times in my relationship with Smug-Hub, but we love each other and can weather any storm together as long as we remember just how lucky we are to have created this amazing child between us. We gaze in awe at her as she says each new word, blows kisses for the first time, puts together a string of words to create something discernible, laughs as she understands something funny as being funny and says "funny" all at once. She is truly amazing and the greatest gift I have ever received.
Little-Smug is kicking me to remind his mama that he too is an amazing gift! I am so excited to meet this little man and see his eyes when he sees me for the first time! Last night, we played a game for the first time together. He would kick in a spot, so I would press on that spot and he would kick in the same spot again and I would press again. We did about 4 rounds before he got bored and swam off to the other side of his home for a while! He is there and he is working hard on growing and getting ready to meet us in a few months.
I can't imagine how life will change after he is born, but I can't remember what life was like before Smug-Baby came into it, so I guess this will be about the same. I mean, how did I spend my time before the routine of naps, playing with toy food, washing diapers, reading story books, the park and cuddling at night with someone so sweet!!
Two will be hard at first. I am told that there will be moments when you are not sure you will survive, but you do and then you will find that you can't imagine or remember life without them both.
I am truly blessed and lucky and I am off to greet the workday with an open heart and lightness of spirit!!