Friday, February 17, 2012

What The Heck Does That Mean???

I am off to work in a few moments, but I had a dream last night that I thought I should record before it left me.

I dreamed that I was participating in some contest where you get random people to pose with you for a picture in front of their house, holding a group of white flowers. I ended up at my old apartment (my first apartment actually), and was going to knock on the door to the downstairs apartment because these were, apparently, my old roommates (not true in real life). Instead, as I came up the stairs of the porch, the door to the upstairs apartment, my old apartment opened and my old boyfriend, Dave stepped out and said hello. I realized that he thought I was there to see him and I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I went upstairs with him.

I guess he had seen me coming up the sidewalk with flowers and got the wrong idea. The thing is, he looked terrible!! He was balding on top while letting the rest of his rapidly thinning hair grow long and straggly down to his shoulders (He always had thick hair). He was overweight by a lot (he was always very fit when we were together) and wearing a polyester suit, a la Napoleon Dynamite that was about 3-4 sizes too small.

You could see every pudge and roll and it was embarrassing to look at him. I think that is why I went along upstairs and let him think that I was there with flowers to make up or something because he just looked so bad and pathetic!

Anyway, we made small talk for a bit and I don't even remember anything except I asked him why he was still living in that rundown apartment so many years later, but I don't remember his response.

Next thing I know, I am downstairs. I guess I left Dave with the excuse that I needed to find my keys (what?) and went downstairs to try to get the picture I was originally there to get and ran into my old roommates, who just happened to be the full cast from The Big Bang Theory.

In this dream, we had all been roommates a long time ago and there was easy banter back and forth. Then Dave came in and yelled at me for pretending to look for my keys and leading him on.

That was the end of the dream and I am not sure why I woke up thinking about it, but I guess there is a part of me that would love to run into some of the people in my life who have hurt me and see a physical manifestation of the debt they are paying to Karma! I would also like the people who have hurt me to feel badly about it and say that they are sorry, but Dave didn't do that in this dream, he thought I was there to get back with him, which is to say that his ego appeared to be still fully intact!

I haven't thought about Dave much in the last several years, after all I haven't laid eyes on him since we broke up over 12 years ago. He did come up when we were considering David as a name for our son, but that was several weeks ago and I didn't give him another thought after Davy was discarded.

Maybe this dream has more to do with doing things for people because I feel sorry for them even when I don't want to than Dave specifically. I was there for another reason, but because I felt sorry for him I let myself be derailed from my plans. Hmmmm.... Except, I don't think that I do things for people because I feel sorry for them. I genuinely like helping people when and where I can (like holding a door for someone, or helping pick up when a stranger has dropped their stuff) and while sometimes it would be nice to have the favor returned (thank you to the dude who let the door slam on me while I was carrying my huge belly, a Smug-Baby, a diaper bag and several books!!), I don't spend a lot of time thinking about it.

Maybe dreams are just dreams and we shouldn't read too much into them... Too bad, I was sort of hoping that the dream I had about him:

Could somehow come true!!! :)

Happy Friday Everyone!

Sweet Dreams!!

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