Loss

There is a lot of death around me right now. My family has lost so much in the last few years, but this year it seems like we are losing more than before. My grandmother left this world in March, my cousin in September. My sister-friend is having to decide if turning off life-support on her father is the best decision. Smug-Grandma's best friend lost her mother this week and tonight a childhood friend of my brother's was taken off life support and quietly died.

It's this one that has me all teary. I didn't know this child well, he was my brother's age and friend and I was a teenager that had little interaction with my brother's little friends. I know that this boy was troubled, I remember hearing updates over the years that he was in trouble with the law or his girlfriend was pregnant and I knew that he was into drugs.

Last summer, while I was pregnant, I spent several evenings a week visiting my brother in jail (5 months for drug possession - pot). We got, I thought, closer during that time and while he said that he was done doing any selling of drugs, he was never going to stop smoking weed and thought that he would work with those who were trying to get pot legal.

After his release, my brother faded from my life again. He has always been independent and never likes doing much with us, the family. I get it... kinda, but I miss having him in my life and I wish that he wanted to be part of things. I go months without hearing from him or seeing him and when I do, it is at my doing. I take my car to have the oil changed at the shop he runs, or send him "Happy Thanksgiving" texts. He generally responds and seems happy to hear from me and see me, but never makes any effort to see me or call me or even talk to me. When he was a captive audience, he was happy to have someone to talk to, now he just wants to be left alone to live his life.

This boy was found unconscious on someones front porch one morning and was rushed to the hospital. His family has no idea why he was there, how he got there or anything. He was full of various drugs including a huge dose of insulin which had put him in a comma.

That could easily have been or even still could be my brother. We, his family, have no idea where he spends his time, who with, nothing! I miss my brother. I miss that little kid who would scream at the top of his lungs while mowing the grass, just to let off steam. I miss the boy who used to let my sister and I dress him up complete with high heels and make up. I miss the man I thought I was getting to know through 2 inches of glass and a bad phone connection.

I don't want to wake up one day to hear that he was found somewhere.

Rest in Peace Aaron.