Tuesday, February 8, 2011

It's 3am and I'm Still Awake

My daughter is playing and giggling and having a lovely time playing. She is not showing any real signs of being ready to go back to sleep and this has me feeling like kicking my husband. Not because its his fault, its not, but because he is sleeping peacefully and it would be easy.

I'm not actually even mad at him, he took the first shift with our wide awake Smug-Baby when she first woke at midnight. He also got her to sleep in the first place at 9:45pm. I went to bed at 9:30, but he brought her to me before I even fell asleep. She slept until 11:30 and then I tried for about 30 minutes to get her back to sleep in the bed before handing her off to him. Then I tried desperately to get back to sleep, but I could hear her talking and crying sometimes and just couldn't get back to sleep.

He brought her into to nurse at 1:30, but that was way short lived. I offered to take over because I figured that if 4:30 rolled around and she was still up, he would have to take over and I at least had been afforded about 90 minutes of sleep while he had, so far, had none.

It is now just after 3 and I am finding myself angry! I am angry that our society does not support stay-at-home parents and that even our paired down life requires that I work. I am angry that my husband is sleeping and I am not. I am angry that I don't know why my child, who has always been a wonderful sleeper is suddenly only sleeping for short bursts. I am angry that this new task I have taken on at work is so confusing and that tomorrow today I will have to try to understand it on mere moments of sleep. I am angry that I will not have an opportunity to sleep today after I leave the office. I am angry that I don't have anything chocolaty that I can eat. I am angry that I seem to be feeling like I might have a sore throat and heartburn. I am not feeling angry toward Smug-Baby in the slightest. Isn't that funny? She is really the reason that I am awake and I don't feel any animosity toward her at all. I guess that is all part of being the parent :)

She and I have been playing and I have lain on the floor with a pillow and blanket and let her climb all over me. I have tried nursing, singing, cartoons, music channel, dark quiet and nothing seems to be making her tired. As I write this, she has been rubbing her eyes so maybe there is hope for another 90 minutes in my future! Wish me luck!!!

UPDATE: I am now getting ready to go into the office. She did go back to sleep at 3:45, which allowed me a full 45 minutes to snooze. I feel like a zombie. As in, I could bite people right now!!!

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