Friday, March 2, 2012

Details of Life

I read an article on Facebook that detailed this man's story of how he wanted to divorce his wife as he had found love with another woman. His wife asked him for a month of living as normally as possible for their son's sake and to carry her every day from their bedroom to the front door of their home just has he had carried her into their home on their wedding day. As the month progressed he realized that they were gaining back some of the intimacy they had lost over their 10 year marriage and at the end of the month he broke things off with the other woman and raced home with flowers for his wife. He found that she had passed away that very day from cancer. She had been fighting it for months and had been so caught up with his mistress he failed to notice. She left him a letter explaining that she knew her time was coming and she wanted to save him the backlash that their son would have if his father had left his dying mother for another woman.

I have no idea if the story is true or if parts of it might be, but it struck me that sometimes we get so consumed with work and school and routines and schedules and lists and the constant to-do's that we let things slide. We don't spend time just looking into our partner's eyes. We don't take the time to stop what we are doing to hug and kiss when we see each other at the end of the work day.

I feel like my marriage is really solid and strong, but that doesn't mean that it could withstand years of neglect! I don't want to get to the point where we NEED marriage counseling or we turn to someone else to fulfill the needs we are no longer getting from each other. I want to be proactive in my marriage and make the effort now to keep us strong and solid!

I expressed all this to Smug-Hub and he agrees. The issue now, is that I don't really know what we should be doing to stay connected! Our lives are really consumed with our children! Smug-Baby and soon Little-Smug will take a lot of time and energy and focus!!

I guess I just want to stay aware of how our marriage is going, where there is tension building and work to resolve it in the moment rather than suppressing our feelings and waking up one day hating each other! I don't know of anyone who says that they actively watched their marriage crash and burn without lifting a finger! Most people realize one day that everything has changed and have no idea how it happened! I don't want to be like that!!!

My husband and I both watched our parents divorce and I think we are both sensitive to how much we don't want to end up like that. We dissect their relationships and work toward not falling into their patterns, so I think that we are on the right track, but we just have to stay there! Stay alert to road blocks and pitfalls and keep working through issues as they arise and perhaps we will look back on our life together as a truly happy and fulfilled one!!!

No comments:

Post a Comment