Night Time Cuddles

I am finding myself struggling this morning with why I was so interested in getting Smug-Baby to sleep in her own room at night. I think that I was concerned that her night waking was caused by Smug-Hub coming to bed so late and waking her, or his CPAP machine waking her. I also think that I was feeling like having two babies in bed with us at night was going to be pushing it. However, as I lay with my sweet girl wrapped up in my arms this morning, I just couldn’t remember why any of those reasons were all that valid.

Last night, Smug-Baby went to sleep about 9:45 and fell asleep quite quickly. I went on to bed and Smug-Hub was up for a while longer. I woke to hear her crying about 1 and Smug-Hub going in to her room. I got up to pee, resisted the urge to go check on them and went back to bed. He was out of her room, with her sleeping within a few moments and we all went to sleep. She woke crying again about 3:30 and was on her way to our room when I met her in the hall and carried her into our bed. She nestled into the crook of arm, took my pinky finger in one hand and stuck her thumb of the other hand into her mouth and fell right back asleep.

I too went right back to sleep waking a few minutes before the alarm was to go off. I spent those few moments, kissing her head and smelling her hair. I squeezed her close and felt her snuggle more closely. She fits perfectly into the curve of my body, like she was made to fit there, like she was home. I thought about how I was her home for so long and how it is totally natural for her to feel safest when she is wrapped around me. Why am I banishing her to another room again??

I do want her to sleep soundly through the night and I do feel like Smug-Hub’s bedtime habits are disturbing to her and my need to pee all night is disturbing to her, but I am really not feeling overly concerned that she isn’t sleeping all night in her own space. I think that if she wants to come into our bed for a while as she gets used to her new space, then she should and I will try really hard to cherish the moments of sweet baby breathing and tight snuggles, because I have a feeling that all too soon I will be looking back with sadness that these times have past and she is more independent.

Why would anyone want their baby, and lets face it, two years old is still a baby, to be independent and not to need them anymore?? Maybe I am being an emotional pregnant woman but I am not ready for her to spend all night without me, or maybe I am not ready to spend my whole night without her…