Friday, January 20, 2012

Waiting and Other Random Thoughts

As this week draws to a close, next week seems so far away and Thursday seems eons away!! Thursday afternoon is our next doctor appointment; the 20 week appointment; the halfway point; the detailed sonogram. We are hoping that we will find out the sex of our baby and be told that everything is growing as it should and everything looks good.

My original appointment was for this week, but I felt like it was too early, being only 19 weeks, I wanted to wait until I was a full 20 weeks and since I am working on my quarterly project for work, the appointment needed to be toward the end of the week since I will be finished then. I will be closer to a full 21 weeks (short by 2 days) by the time we go in for this appointment.

I am anxious mostly because with Smug-Baby I knew from the moment she was conceived that she was a girl. It took us almost 2 years to get pregnant with her, but I knew the moment it happened and I knew she was a girl. With this baby, I can't get a read on my mothers intuition. I felt very strongly that it was a girl in the beginning, but now I am feeling more like it is a boy. However, I am not sure if that feeling has been swayed by everyone around me telling me that they think it is a boy and not really my internal gut feeling. I really have no idea and the suspense is killing me :)

In other big news, Smug-Baby took her first pee pee in the potty this morning! She was with her daddy and he normally lets her sit naked on the potty while he gets the shower ready for them in the morning. Today, she sat down and peed!! He took a video of the used potty and sent to my phone while I was at work. Of course, I had to run around the office telling everyone!! It was really sweet, because Smug-Hub was so excited! He even left the pee pee in the potty so I could see it for myself. I am sorry that I missed this big event and I was actually happy he left it for me - the things parents get excited about...

The other thing that is going on is really huge and that is I found out that I am going to be laid off from my job. The part time thing is no longer working for my company and while I totally understand why they are making the change, I am very sad that I will be leaving the company/family that I have had for over 10 years now. For now, I am still working and will continue in my current position and hours until they fill the full time position that is replacing my job. I looked into applying for this full time job, but it is actually only 10 more hours a week, but they are normal office hours while I work my hours in the mornings before everyone else arrives. It is also a cut in hourly pay so if I took the position I would actually bring in less money. That money would mean that we still couldn't pay all the bills, not to mention the cost of putting two babies into full time daycare, so I will not be applying for the position. I am still hoping that something will change and they will find something I can do for a couple of hours each day, but I am also working on a plan for what to do next.

At first I was really freaking out, who would hire a pregnant woman who is just going to be going out on medical leave in a few months? I don't really feel like I can take on much of anything until Little-Smug arrives; I can't see taking on child care in my home or starting any home based work and then having to stop in a few months for maternity leave. My hope is that I will be able to continue to stay with my company until closer to when the baby is due and try to save as much as possible (I realize that this will be next to impossible since we barely make the ends meet now, but I'm going to try).

I plan on taking advantage of as many programs as I can, unemployment, food stamps, WIC, and whatever else may be out there to help people. I will get a severance package, but given that I am part time, it is very small. I hope to use that and our income tax refund to pay off some of the credit cards are still paying off from when Smug-Baby was born. I am also looking into cashing out my 401(k) to pay off the car. If it is enough, that would be a huge savings each month. If we cut the monthly expenses as much as possible that lowers the amount of money that I need to bring in each month to make the ends meet.

I am thinking that maybe the best thing for me to take on (once the baby is born and I am physically ready) would be after school care in my home. There is an elementary school a few blocks from my house and if I had a couple of kids get off the bus at my house each day, I could help them with homework and provide a snack. This would be less intensive work for me, given that I will still have two small children to look after, than taking on babies or even children Smug-Baby's age. These children would be better able to entertain themselves than infants and may even be helpful with Smug-Baby and Little-Smug. I could even work on some educational games to play all together with them. I am excited about the possibility and I would like to try and see if I can't bring in enough money each month that way. If it works well, summer care might be another good option and as my own children grow and I get more comfortable with having two instead of one maybe then I could take on smaller children too. I love kids so this might be my perfect job!

I am still looking at all the options and I would be fine stuffing envelopes at night, or bagging groceries on the weekends, but I would love to get to a point where I am mostly at home raising my children.

I am in a holding pattern right now, they have posted the job, but I don't think that they will start interviewing until next month and then it might be a few more weeks to get the new person into place and maybe a week more of training with me to take over my duties. I am hoping against hope that it will be closer to April and not February, but I will roll with the punches and I will survive whatever happens.

I have longed to stay at home with my children my whole life and I feel strongly that God only works toward good, so there is a reason that this is happening and all will work the way it should. Maybe this is God's way of getting me out of my comfort zone and on to something more important. I don't know but I am trying to stay zen and centered and not stress about it. It will all be fine!

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